The Front Porch Swing

[Tomtommom]

I was in a relationship for about 2 years before I moved to the US.. I saw him every 4-6 months. We barely made that work. I don't think I could sign up for years of that, knowingly.

 

[Alice28]

Tomtommom, I'm with you! I don't think I could do it, I'm just not cut out for it. Blooie, your article was a beautiful piece! You are so articulate and you did such a good job showing the "other side" of the story. Your husband is a lucky man!

 

[7 Biddies]

Tomtommom, I'm with you! I don't think I could do it, I'm just not cut out for it. Blooie, your article was a beautiful piece! You are so articulate and you did such a good job showing the "other side" of the story. Your husband is a lucky man!

Tomtommom and Alice28,

I hate to hear people say they "can't" do something. In my nearly 69 years on this planet, I've found that when people tell themselves "I can't do it", it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. They can't because they don't or aren't willing to put in the effort and determination required to follow through. Saying, "I can't" is nothing more than giving oneself permission not to try. Yes, it's difficult, but if one person can do it, everyone can. It's obviously not *impossible*: it's what my father referred to as "the difference between can't and won't". I wasn't allowed to say "won't"; that goes without saying when your father, the colonel, was known to the enlisted men as "Iron ***". I wasn't allowed to say "I can't", either.

When my daughter lost her hearing from meningitis, people (including my mother and the doctors) told me, "There's nothing you can do for her", so advised me to put her in a school for the deaf and forget it. But, I was determined to keep her life as normal as possible, so threw myself into doing just that. She's nearly 42 now, and except that she can't hear, is just like everyone else ... only smarter, stronger, braver, and with a better vocabulary than most. She speaks/writes French (but, her accent sucks) and, after being in France for a few months, can lip read it; has traveled around the world (literally) alone, including crossing the European/Asian continents via Trans Siberian railway. She lived in a small Tuscan village (Italy) alone for a year, and spent a birthday bathing with the snow monkeys in the Japanese Alps ... alone ... in early January. I taught her to be realistic about her goals (forget playing piano in Carnegie Hall), but if you feel you can do something, don't let anyone tell you you can't because you're deaf. I mean, if you go to the mountains of Japan where you don't speak the language, what difference does it make if you can't hear them? Same result.

I prefer to think that, if faced with a hardship such as a disabled child or a loved one stationed far away for an extended period of time, you'd muster the strength it takes to get through it. Doesn't mean you have to enjoy it or even like it; it just means you've gathered the strength to do what was needed when it was needed. Not just for yourself, either. Others may need for you to find that determination to help them through.

Good luck and God bless. 7

 

[Alice28]

I think it's good to know if your not cut out for somthing. It's a good thing to know ones limitations. Obviously if a situation happend and you were placed in it and had no choice, it would happen, but mentally and emotionally would I handle it well.... No. I know that, I wouldn't choose that for myself because it wouldn't work and it's a good thing I know that about my self. To many people don't and end up divorced. I have a lot of respect for people who can and do choose that life, I can't and I know it and I'm glad I know it.

 

[7 Biddies]

I think it's good to know if your not cut out for somthing. It's a good thing to know ones limitations. Obviously if a situation happend and you were placed in it and had no choice, it would happen, but mentally and emotionally would I handle it well.... No. I know that, I wouldn't choose that for myself because it wouldn't work and it's a good thing I know that about my self. To many people don't and end up divorced. I have a lot of respect for people who can and do choose that life, I can't and I know it and I'm glad I know it.

Choosing a military spouse is one thing; you can forsee long absences and make the choice not to opt for that kind of life. But, too often the unexpected happens and we don't have the luxury of saying, "I'm not cut out for this". Unfortunately, I see it happen too often with mothers (and fathers) who decide they just aren't cut out to raise a bunch of kids. We have one mother who looked for all the world to be happily expecting number 5. After that one was born, she just walked away from all of them, leaving their father and his family to raise them. Fortunately for my daughter, I didn't follow the advice I was given because I couldn't face the idea of doing what needed to be done. People seem less willing to suck it up and do what has to be done, these days. People are always telling me, "I'm not as strong as you". Well, why not? It's a choice and I'm tired of hearing it. (One reason I'm divorced was because my husband said it ... often.)

As I said, I prefer to think "if faced with an unexpected hardship ... you'd muster the strength it takes to get through it". Life does not come with guarantees that everything will go the way we'd like and it pays to be prepared, just in case.

BTW ... I'm very aware of my limitations, just like I taught my daughter to be, so I keep those in mind when choosing. But, I'm talking about the unplanned or unexpected. I wouldn't divorce a spouse because he decided to take advantage of a golden opportunity and sign up for a long-term assignment.

 

[perchie.girl]

one of my dads favorite sayings..... ""I cant" never did anything"

There is always a way to solve or survive or invent or create a way to do something... It was his way of saying stay positive.

deb

 

[Blooie]

Well, I freely and readily admit that there are things I can't do and will never be able to do. I can't P standing up without getting my shoes wet.

Oh, and I probably can't expect this comment to stay up for long, either, on accounta I said "P".

 

[Alice28]

Well, I freely and readily admit that there are things I can't do and will never be able to do.  I can't P standing up without getting my shoes wet.     Oh, and I probably can't expect this comment to stay up for long, either, on accounta I said "P".

LMAO!

Like I said, good to know and accept your limits! Haha

 

[vehve]

Blooie, I know a product you should look into if that is on your bucket list. I think it was called "ShePee" or something similar.

 

[Blooie]

Well, actually I'm about to impart too much information, but I can technically P standing up. I use caths 3x a day.