The Front Porch Swing

[LBejaran]

How is everyone doing? I wish I had more time to post about all the crazy stuff going on, but mostly, I'm just tired.

Lately, I've been spending lots of time alone, just trying to find my happiness again. What most people don't tell you about mental illnesses like depression and anxiety is that you can have a really bad day and a bunch of days where you feel nothing at all before you get a single good day. But I've been getting a couple of each and I'm trying my best to make the good days great.

 

[perchie.girl]

How is everyone doing? I wish I had more time to post about all the crazy stuff going on, but mostly, I'm just tired.

Lately, I've been spending lots of time alone, just trying to find my happiness again. What most people don't tell you about mental illnesses like depression and anxiety is that you can have a really bad day and a bunch of days where you feel nothing at all before you get a single good day. But I've been getting a couple of each and I'm trying my best to make the good days great.

I am on that rollercoaster ride as well. and people try to poke at you tell you to "Just cheer up" they dont realize its a biological thing... so I know.

deb

 

[LBejaran]

I am on that rollercoaster ride as well.   and people try to poke at you tell you to "Just cheer up"  they dont realize its a biological thing...  so I know.

deb

Yeah, it's been all sorts of awful. And when I don't want to be around people, I get in trouble. I was told by someone I really care about that I was mean and unfriendly (and was also told that I probably didn't have any friends because of that). It set me back and I don't think she realizes what she said hurt me. I've never been told something so horrible. It's such a little thing but on a bad day, it's all you can think about.

 

[perchie.girl]

Quote: If shes a friend and you explain it... she will understand... if not time to let her go. We have to take care of ourselves emotionally. as a young person I didnt really pal around with friends because all my friends were involved with horses... so the socal activity was all congregated around one place... the barn.

I only kept in conctact with three of those after I left the boarding facility... but really our lives were very different so we could only meet for lunch occasionally... then it drifted to phone calls two got married one just stopped talking to me...

Right now at 60 years old I really dont have any friends to "chat with" except for here. I am getting pretty dang lonly... Not that you guys and others on BYC arent great online friends... but I am finding the need to be around people who arent family.. I have forgotten how to do that.

all I can do is relate my experiences. because what I have gone through... is not what you have gone through.

deb

 

[LBejaran]

It's a close family member, so walking away isn't really an option. At times I wish it was, but then I feel guilty about that.

Anxiety and depression run in the family (and she has it, too) but I don't think she sees my problems as much as her own. I'm not saying my problems are as bad as hers (after all, if you're both lying in bed, not wanting to get up because you're having a bad day, it doesn't really matter how bad you feel because neither of you is living very well).

However, we've both got problems and seeing as we're nothing trying to deal with them, I feel as though she should have a little insight into how I feel. I am very sensitive to how she feels because I wouldn't want to hurt her while she's already down, but she isn't as worried about it, I guess.

I think I just have to have a talk with her but I'm thinking I need to wait until I'm feeling a bit better. I can handle that sort of talk when I'm doing good and hopefully that will give her insight for later.

 

[wyoDreamer]

How about a little Wisconsin sunshine? in the form of daylilies!
the lady who we bought the place from really had some beautiful varieties growing.











See the bumble bee in the last photo?
Working his but off, like I should be doing...

 

[wyoDreamer]

And ... more pictures!

Remember my little fluff balls? They are now 6 weeks old and in their new coop.
I actually managed to get all 16 in the picture! They are pretty friendly, they crowd around the door when I try to go in to feed them and generally get in the way.
Here are a couple pictures of the coop - it is the concrete room that attaches the silo to the barn - so 3 solid concrete walls and ceiling/roof and the 4th wall is the block foundation for the barn.
The window is just machine fabric mesh for now. We will put a door in the little framed area when we get the fenced run completed out side. They will have a patio and ramp system out side ... DH is getting attached to the little buggers.
We repurposed a door from the horse stalls that we removed to make space for the tractor in another building. It is now the door to the coop.

 

[wyoDreamer]

Here it is from the outside. It is the little window right next to the silo.

 

[MistyMountain]

@wyoDreamer LOVELY PICTURES!! We just got back from visiting my fam in WI and the lilies were definitely something that caught my attention. That and the wonderful weather! The front window was open right where I was working on the computer and I could smell all the lilies in the front flower bed! I've realized I really miss the farm smell. Sure, we have farms here… and hay fields and such, but not as big and nearby. I miss all the smells (yeah… I suppose the faint aroma of manure is in there too).

We managed to cross the state line on the way home with over $100 in cheese and kringle. I bought about 8 bags of fresh curd and two rope mozz. I had to snag a couple 4 and 5 year old sharp cheddars for my FIL as well. Got two pecan and one cheese kringle to share with the neighbors for taking care of the chickens. Oh, DH also went to our fav meat market and bought ten pounds of hot sticks and some summer sausage for me. I'm about to break out this new food saver vacuum sealer and get those in the freezer before we eat them all.

Your farm is beautiful! Day lilies are on my list to add in front of our house next year.

 

[browncow15]

@wyoDreamer
 LOVELY PICTURES!! We just got back from visiting my fam in WI and the lilies were definitely something that caught my attention. That and the wonderful weather! The front window was open right where I was working on the computer and I could smell all the lilies in the front flower bed! I've realized I really miss the farm smell. Sure, we have farms here… and hay fields and such, but not as big and nearby. I miss all the smells (yeah… I suppose the faint aroma of manure is in there too).

We managed to cross the state line on the way home with over $100 in cheese and kringle. I bought about 8 bags of fresh curd and two rope mozz. I had to snag a couple 4 and 5 year old sharp cheddars for my FIL as well. Got two pecan and one cheese kringle to share with the neighbors for taking care of the chickens. Oh, DH also went to our fav meat market and bought ten pounds of hot sticks and some summer sausage for me. I'm about to break out this new food saver vacuum sealer and get those in the freezer before we eat them all.

Your farm is beautiful! Day lilies are on my list to add in front of our house next year.

Mmmm cheese and Kringle! Really makes me change my mind about staying in Indiana!