The Old Folks Home

[ronott1]

It's okay.

I cut the internet this morning (since we lost power last night he bought it) and laid out clear expectations of behavior. I set him straight every time he strayed. We baked a loaf of bread for the nice neighbors we have (he carved an R into it for their last name before we baked it) and then delivered it. We tried to make cookies but we screwed it up. We played with my train set a bit and I pulled out the Hogwarts Express for him to play with. We then went to town to get more cookie stuff and we got 2 pails of salt/sand and treated the driveway because it is an icy disaster.
A friend is coming over and bringing her 3 year old grandson who loves trains to see them before we put them away for the year. I explained that it felt really good to do nice things for others and make their day and he felt amazing after doing the neighbor bread and he's looking forward to showing the boy how to use the trains when he gets here.
For what it's worth I turned the internet back on before we went to town and told him it was back up but he opted to go practice the trains before Levi gets here, instead.
I am exhausted.

You are making good memories! That is a lot of work for sure

 

[bruceha2000]

Sounds like if you can keep him occupied and in a direction he can be OK. But yes exhausting having to schedule a full day of activities every day.

 

[superchemicalgirl]

Both of these kids were born drug addicted and were abused and neglected for a few years before Grammy got custody.
We are not dealing with normal teens.

 

[bobbi-j]

Both of these kids were born drug addicted and were abused and neglected for a few years before Grammy got custody.
We are not dealing with normal teens.

You're doing the best you can in a tough situation.

 

[getaclue]

scg, my comment had nothing to do with being judgemental towards you. My thoughts were more along these lines: This is the second time you have had to step in to care for these children. You've done your best, and done very well, especially under the circumstances. The major thing I'm seeing is, your mother, and these kids have been through a major emotional upheaval. Losing a spouse takes an emotional toll on the surviving spouse, like it or not. In the meantime, 2 mentally/emotionally challenged children are going through just as much, if not more emotional upheaval as well. Routine, and normalcy as much as can be expected, even with your dad gone, are critical, but the girl needs more than just that. Instead of keeping things as normal as possible, with them going to visit the girl in the hospital, things are turned even more upside down in the boy's world.

That's not criticism, just observation. Again, you are doing your best, and stepping up to the plate admirably. The thing I see, is that you are the back-up plan, and that needs to be addressed. It's not really fair to you, your husband, or the kids.

Maybe it's time to talk seriously with your mom about this. Your mom is no spring chicken. There will be times when she will get sick, or events happen that she will be unable to provide the full care that both of them need, like is happening now. Instead of dumping them in an institution, or on you, it might be time to start investigating nearby group homes, or families in a similar situation. Maybe she would be willing to work with another family, or group home at times when they need someone to watch their kid(s), in exchange for the same thing when she needs it. That way the kids would already know who they're going to be with. In a group home situation, she could see if they allow short term care, as well as long term care, (just in case), for the kids, so the transition would not be so hard on the kids. Another advantage is that there is someone with more experience with the type of children involved.

Now would be a good time to start investigating options, since some of these group homes can be excellent, but others are simply a pay check, and the kids are mistreated. This gives her time to weed out the less than desirable ones, so the kids are treated good.

I know it's none of my business, but I'd hate to see them just dumped into an institution if things got rough, or your mom was unable to care for them for awhile. Longer term planning for their care should also be on the table as a discussion topic too.

 

[pennyJo1960]

Both of these kids were born drug addicted and were abused and neglected for a few years before Grammy got custody.
We are not dealing with normal teens.

I will keep you in my prayers he stays on a stable path you being sound mind helps him also .. like you never had children of my own

 

[bruceha2000]

scg, my comment had nothing to do with being judgemental towards you.

Quoted that part only to have a link.

These are not SCG's relatives, they are her boyfriend's relatives. Which makes it all the more difficult and commendable that she is dealing with this.

 

[getaclue]

bruce, that does not nullify the things I said.

 

[superchemicalgirl]

No, that was amazing advice and I will try and find a good time to talk to bfs mom about this. I hope her long term backup plan isn't us, honestly. Although I would assume that's what she hopes.
I really have no desire to raise children. They never warmed my heart. Hate to say it but I'm not maternal and I know my limits. I can do this short term but it isn't my lot in life.
The boy did really well with the young kid and got his laptop back. Happily clicking away, now.

 

[bobbi-j]

No, that was amazing advice and I will try and find a good time to talk to bfs mom about this. I hope her long term backup plan isn't us, honestly. Although I would assume that's what she hopes.
I really have no desire to raise children. They never warmed my heart. Hate to say it but I'm not maternal and I know my limits. I can do this short term but it isn't my lot in life.
The boy did really well with the young kid and got his laptop back. Happily clicking away, now.

There's nothing wrong with that. Better that than to be a terrible mother and keep popping them out because you can't figure out where they're coming from. I think it's commendable that you're doing as much as you are for for the kid. I think it's great that you are giving him oppportunities to do things for others, and making fun memories.