The Old Folks Home

[ChickenCanoe]

http://www.imdb.com/name/nm1913734/awards?ref_=nm_awd

 

[tntchix]

cool!

 

[Bunnylady]

Quote: Dementia is a catch-all term for the decline in mental processes; Alzheimer's is the most common form of dementia. It is progressive, and usually starts with short-term memory loss (in the earlier stages, the Alzheimer's patient can often recall lots of details about things that happened 20 years ago, but can't remember what they had for breakfast, for example).

Read about the disease, its symptoms, and the research and developments in treatment here:

http://www.alz.org/index.asp

 

[Peep_Show]

One day I'll get down to southern states, the food looks amazing!

Oh, lordy! I could eat my way through Savannah and the lowlands nine times over. Good vittles! But, with the amount of fried-ness that goes on, you can see why the southern states have a propensity towards obesity.

Nothing quite as sad as someone forgetting who they are... Last year it was both grandmas, one with dementia one with Alzheimer's ( I don't completely understand the difference ) this year it was my good friend Jean she'd forgotten who I was for about the last year though... My condolences to your wife V, and you

Dementia is a short-circuiting of the brain...synapses fail. Alzheimer's involves Lewy bodies, fluid filled pockets in the brain. The symptoms can be similar and many folks use the two terms interchangeably. Unfortunately, you cannot diagnose the Lewy bodies without an autopsy.
- - - - -

re: family disputes and estates.... (my eyes be rolling)

I was regarded as the Golden Child turned Black Sheep of the family. Too smart for my own good, independent and a tad adventurous on the wrong side of the family's code. I was the one that always got caught. Anyway, I had been told I would be disinherited multiple times to the point that I was convinced I wasn't going to receive anything. Sister became the favored one (although had she gotten caught in her exploits there might be a different parental viewpoint), yet conveniently and consistently high-tailed it when things got dire.

Dad's health failed and he ended up in a convalescent hospital for the last 3 years of his life. Who visited him more in one week that Sister did all year? She'd pop in for 5 minutes during holidays, usually on her busy way to another errand. Mom needed looking after without Dad around as she had progressive Parkinsons. I'd spend a long week or two every month making sure she was taken care of, doing her bills, doing her taxes, managing her finances and investments, taking her shopping, schlepping her to the docs, cooking and filling her fridge and freezer, lining up household help. Sister would pop in to be taken out to lunch by Mom. I lived 700+ miles away. Sister lived 45 minutes away. Dad died and each of us was assigned a POA: Mine was the finances (a continuance of what I was already doing), Sister's was the medical (which, when Mom landed in the hospital, her candid reply was "I'm on vacation. I can't be bothered.") I was, naturally, seething mad... Sister was short on charm and short on character and the folks got it SO wrong! But what did my sister care? She was getting everything.

Anyway, Mom's mind and body failed about the same time and I laid it down to Sister that if she had ANY regrets about being rather so conspicuously vacant from Dad's life that she had better make amends and spend time with Mom as time was growing measuredly short or she would be doubly regretful, and so the last three months (out of the 7 years) she stepped up to the plate as her schedule would allow and was more present in family doings. Mom ultimately was bedridden in her own house (but she thought she was walking in Pebble Beach and shopping with her college friends...such a happy dementia!) and passed away therein, which was her final wish.

Then came the will. Mom and Dad had engineered a trust that -- when I found the final iteration in a hoarded desk -- had been changed numerous times coinciding with the siblings' assorted falls from grace. It was a fascinating read. Funny thing is they left Sister as the lead trustee and there's all sorts of lingo in there that it's an even-steven deal...any funny business or complaints and that sibling is considered dead in the eyes of the document. (Sister once tried to underdisburse my share of a property, but she fairly straightened right up after that as she couldn't slide anything past because I had organized all the finances that she was now in charge of and knew exactly where it all stood in accounting.)

So I got the trials and tribulations before death, she gets the mess after (and gleefully I am hands off) as she gets to spend countless hours dealing with lawyers and accountants and paperwork and licenses and titlings and endless treks to assorted offices that are so inconvenient to her busy schedule.

I am convinced that I got the better end of the deal because I have absolutely NO regrets about having not spent enough time with the folks. I couldn't undo my many missteps, but I trod the high road and did the right thing. IMHO, when it all boils down to it, the only real thing of value - if you have values - is relationships. Money comes and goes, like the tide....it's nice to play in when it's there, but it can leave you high and dry when it's gone. It's not the end all. Relationships, though, a whole 'nother entity. When they're gone you'll either be sustained by good memories or regret....and that will last your lifetime. I spent a lot of time with my folks. With or without an inheritance, I sleep well at night.

p.s.
DH deserves a medal, too, for having to endure our familial exercises. There are many benefits to marrying a counselor therapist, one is he gets the dynamics and, two, DH is a deep well of understanding and compassion. He liked my folks a lot, so could not begrudge them the time necessary for their care.


Sorry to go on so, but the ultimate point to be made and moral of this tale is that value on tangible goods is just an arbitrary exercise. While you still have time work on the meaningful stuff. You won't be sorry in the long run.

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We now return you to your regularly scheduled programming......

 

[1kluckychik]

We are going to put the tree up this week. We were going to do it this past weekend but I got busy making my MIL's Christmas present and some stuff for the baby.

Table runner in progress for my MIL

Bibs for miss Olivia!!!!

Those are awesome! wish I could make stuff like that

 

[dsqard]

Those are awesome! wish I could make stuff like that

Mrs. Dude the bibs are seriously easy to make. If you can trace a pattern, cut it out and sew a straight line you can make them. Honest. Before a couple of months ago I hardly sewed at all. I got a new machine and with SCG's urging got into sewing a bunch. It is a whole lot of fun. Now, I do have to admit no small children live with us so it is easy to find the time to do things like this.

 

[dsqard]

Peep show you have it all right seven ways from Sunday. The material things will never give anyone happiness. They give you pleasure for a while but true happiness never comes from things. If you are finding joy in your life then you are doing it right. Fighting over possessions when a loved one passes away is absolutely no way to celebrate their life or what they meant to you. The only thing I asked for from my mom when my dad passed away was for his roll top desk. If she had said no, I wouldn't have blinked an eye or felt any resentment. It wasn't mine and if she still wanted it or needed it who am I to demand that from her? That is just plain silly. When that kooky lady is no longer on this Earth, I will want nothing more than for her to be back. Not a single item she has will give that to me so why fight over things that ultimately don't matter. Waste of time, energy and good Karma. She is a loving, wonderful woman who I will sorely miss. I am hoping that my niece gets everything (except maybe a few of the boxes of photographs) because that is good Karma too.

 

[Peep_Show]

Peep show you have it all right seven ways from Sunday. The material things will never give anyone happiness. They give you pleasure for a while but true happiness never comes from things. If you are finding joy in your life then you are doing it right. Fighting over possessions when a loved one passes away is absolutely no way to celebrate their life or what they meant to you. The only thing I asked for from my mom when my dad passed away was for his roll top desk. If she had said no, I wouldn't have blinked an eye or felt any resentment. It wasn't mine and if she still wanted it or needed it who am I to demand that from her? That is just plain silly. When that kooky lady is no longer on this Earth, I will want nothing more than for her to be back. Not a single item she has will give that to me so why fight over things that ultimately don't matter. Waste of time, energy and good Karma. She is a loving, wonderful woman who I will sorely miss. I am hoping that my niece gets everything (except maybe a few of the boxes of photographs) because that is good Karma too.

Amen. That is SO true.

And, no matter what your relationship, when your mother passes it is epic.

 

[1kluckychik]

Mrs. Dude

the bibs are seriously easy to make. If you can trace a pattern, cut it out and sew a straight line you can make them. Honest. Before a couple of months ago I hardly sewed at all. I got a new machine and with SCG's urging got into sewing a bunch. It is a whole lot of fun. Now, I do have to admit no small children live with us so it is easy to find the time to do things like this.

Mrs. Dude

the bibs are seriously easy to make. If you can trace a pattern, cut it out and sew a straight line you can make them. Honest. Before a couple of months ago I hardly sewed at all. I got a new machine and with SCG's urging got into sewing a bunch. It is a whole lot of fun. Now, I do have to admit no small children live with us so it is easy to find the time to do things like this.

Mrs. Dude

the bibs are seriously easy to make. If you can trace a pattern, cut it out and sew a straight line you can make them. Honest. Before a couple of months ago I hardly sewed at all. I got a new machine and with SCG's urging got into sewing a bunch. It is a whole lot of fun. Now, I do have to admit no small children live with us so it is easy to find the time to do things like this.

I got my machine out yesterday, and somehow managed to make this. My first project since I got the machine

 

[vehve]

Now Bama has something to carry his spare speedo in!