The Old Folks Home

[Wisher1000]

Well the hay was finally ready yesterday. We borrowed another truck and trailer so between the two we were able to get 147 bales. Just a little stiff this morning but the barn is pretty well stocked. DH now understands how much work hay shopping is (this is the first time he has helped through the whole process). We had to load from the field and then unload and stack at home. DH looks at me after we finished and says "wow, that's a lot of work" No kidding

I usually have to do at least the loading by myself and then get a grumbling DH to help me unload at home. Love him to death, but if you are going to grumble and complain, don't bother helping me. It makes it worse and I would rather do it alone. Yesterday, not too much grumbling and now a new respect for what it takes to get the barn stocked up. And he wonders why my arms are so muscled

Don't say that to him! My DH (love him to death, too, but could box his ears sometimes) grumbles and complains when he doesn't want to help me so that I will tell him to just forget it. He does it on purpose. I have started countering every complaint with a compliment. He eventually realises that he is getting an awful lot of compliments and I am getting an awful lot of complaints. It makes me less angry, somewhat amused, and he will eventually shut up and work. Complaining is a habit for many people. My Dad never complained about anything. I only realised this when I was grown and encountered people who do. My DH is one and I really think he believes it is part of making conversation. He has even gotten angry at me for being slow or lazy before knowing that I was sick. I didn't complain, therefore he had no idea that I wasn't feeling well.

MEN, what cha' gonna do with them?

 

[dsqard]

LOL wisher. I don't know if I could do that. Honestly, I would rather do it myself than listen to bit-----

There are times when he does something that I think, if you were my employee I would fire you.

I don't know how much of that is him doing a kinda crappy job to get out of doing it any more or just want to hurry and get it done so that he can go watch golf or football on TV. Probably more of the latter than the former. I don't understand that kind of thinking. If there is a hard job to get done, you just put your shoulder to the grindstone and get it done and not all half a--ed. Do it well the first time so that you don't have to go back and fix what you did crappy the first time. That is why, as we finished unloading hay, I would sweep the trailer or the truck out so it was all done when the hay was put away. I think DH and I are two different animals sometimes. I am a racehorse and he is the turtle.

 

[Arielle]

Quote: I do think times are changing--there are some very nice doctors, just not the norm. Historically Doctors were rare and from elite families in society. THey were too proper to do surgery. ( That was a LONG time ago.) When I was a teenager, I was with a friend (working on her masters) to have lunch and she mentioned connecting with a med student for lunch; upon introductions I learned he had just earned his MD. He was a regular guy, I was shocked. He eventually rented a room from my mother. I've met regular joes socially, but as clients I have only met one, a vet, who said I knew more about feed and feeding horses than she did. I grew up around scientists, researchers and MD's, the MD's were usually jerks. A few noteable exceptions.

 

[Arielle]

LOL wisher. I don't know if I could do that. Honestly, I would rather do it myself than listen to bit-----

There are times when he does something that I think, if you were my employee I would fire you.

I don't know how much of that is him doing a kinda crappy job to get out of doing it any more or just want to hurry and get it done so that he can go watch golf or football on TV. Probably more of the latter than the former. I don't understand that kind of thinking. If there is a hard job to get done, you just put your shoulder to the grindstone and get it done and not all half a--ed. Do it well the first time so that you don't have to go back and fix what you did crappy the first time. That is why, as we finished unloading hay, I would sweep the trailer or the truck out so it was all done when the hay was put away. I think DH and I are two different animals sometimes. I am a racehorse and he is the turtle.

I'm glad I'm not alone! DH doesn't grumble, but he does the bare minimum. ANd sweeping, and cleaning? Not him.

 

[Bunnylady]

Oh, yeah, they're a different species from us, no doubt about it. I sometimes think the Almighty enjoys making weird pairings as one of our "life lessons". Unfortunately, I'm the tortoise, Hubby's, um, I suppose a camel would be the best analogy. Not quite the Energizer bunny, but he keeps on truckin' and I'm like, "hey, could you wait just a minute so I can catch up or catch my breath?" He works like a dog all day for next to nothing (college and grad school, and he goes into landscape maintenance because he likes being outdoors

) so I hate to ask him to do anything, but he likes to help out around the house nonetheless. Only, when he does, I'm like, "huh?" He'll clean the bowl of the bathroom sink (yay!) but not the counter around it (lots of iron and calcium in our water, so there's lots of visible waterspots outside the sink, too.) He'll do the floor of the shower (yay!) but not the walls or the doors (great! White floor, orange walls - does that really look better to you?) I can't scrub that dratted thing every day, so I'm stuck with either having to finish the job now so it looks good, or looking at the half-done job until I can get around to it (by which time, the floor will need a little attention, too). Of course, he expects a complement or at least a thank-you, and is disappointed when the thanks seem a bit less than heartfelt. I mean, I appreciate the thought, but . . . .

Gotta love 'em!

 

[Wisher1000]

You know, men and women really are two totally different creatures. I don't want to get off into too deep of a conversation here, but years ago I read that "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus" book and it made sense to me. Many of the difficulties in relationships are because we are hard wired to totally different approaches to it. I think that many successful couples, whether from design or accident, are the ones that taylor their responses to each other according to what the other responds well to instead of treating the other the way each wants to be treated.

Anyone else read that book?

 

[superchemicalgirl]

I'll do my provider (because it's not always just the MDs, it can be the DOs or the PAs) rant first... most of them are incredibly down to earth people that want to explain things to their patients and totally appreciate any input from any member of the health care team whether it be pharmacist, nurse, nursing aide, social worker, etc (including the patient). And then yes, there's the doctors that won't listen that frustrate the daylights out of me. I see it from the other side, but it's the same from the patients side, I think. I used to work on the medical floors of inpatient (admitted) units. Once I proved myself as worthy to the team I got a lot of "hey what do you think of..." and "could you help me with..." but there were always ones that thought that a (young [shock!], girl [the horror!]) pharmacist shouldn't "interfere" with what they wanted to do. I remember this one surgeon that wouldn't listen to me no matter what the evidence/literature said that backed me up. He went off on me in the ICU in front of everyone (unfortunately I cried thus perpetuating the young girl stereotype), he then screamed at my boss that I should be fired and tried to get my notes redacted out of the patients chart (because I was right) so he wouldn't get sued for not treating the patient. He hated me until he retired, but I stood up for what was right. Another guy who acted very similar to this surgeon hated my interference until one day I had to call him to point out he put a patient on a medication that was totally inappropriate. I swear that guy sucked up to me until he recently retired, too. He handpicked me to work on a bunch of projects with him, and to me, that's success. I guess my point is, don't ever stop questioning something, and if you can, switch providers if you aren't getting what you need, if you have the ability to switch. I know a lot of health care providers get frustrated with patients (mostly stemming from the ones that don't want to know or be involved but want you as the provider to wave a magic wand and fix everything) but demand to have your questions answered. It really is better for you to understand what's going on and why you've been requested to try a specific treatment or lifestyle change. I know when I see patients and there's multiple options I talk them all out with my patients and we come to an agreement together. I think those people tend to do better with their treatment because they've put some effort into it and understand.

Well the hay was finally ready yesterday. We borrowed another truck and trailer so between the two we were able to get 147 bales. Just a little stiff this morning but the barn is pretty well stocked. DH now understands how much work hay shopping is (this is the first time he has helped through the whole process). We had to load from the field and then unload and stack at home. DH looks at me after we finished and says "wow, that's a lot of work" No kidding

I usually have to do at least the loading by myself and then get a grumbling DH to help me unload at home. Love him to death, but if you are going to grumble and complain, don't bother helping me. It makes it worse and I would rather do it alone. Yesterday, not too much grumbling and now a new respect for what it takes to get the barn stocked up. And he wonders why my arms are so muscled

Glad you got the hay and some new respect.

There are times when he does something that I think, if you were my employee I would fire you.

HAHAHA! Thank you for making me laugh this morning. I fired mine a few years ago and haven't regretted it! Good thing he wasn't union

Oh, yeah, they're a different species from us, no doubt about it. I sometimes think the Almighty enjoys making weird pairings as one of our "life lessons". Unfortunately, I'm the tortoise, Hubby's, um, I suppose a camel would be the best analogy. Not quite the Energizer bunny, but he keeps on truckin' and I'm like, "hey, could you wait just a minute so I can catch up or catch my breath?" He works like a dog all day for next to nothing (college and grad school, and he goes into landscape maintenance because he likes being outdoors

) so I hate to ask him to do anything, but he likes to help out around the house nonetheless. Only, when he does, I'm like, "huh?" He'll clean the bowl of the bathroom sink (yay!) but not the counter around it (lots of iron and calcium in our water, so there's lots of visible waterspots outside the sink, too.) He'll do the floor of the shower (yay!) but not the walls or the doors (great! White floor, orange walls - does that really look better to you?) I can't scrub that dratted thing every day, so I'm stuck with either having to finish the job now so it looks good, or looking at the half-done job until I can get around to it (by which time, the floor will need a little attention, too). Of course, he expects a complement or at least a thank-you, and is disappointed when the thanks seem a bit less than heartfelt. I mean, I appreciate the thought, but . . . .

Gotta love 'em!

BF and I are alternating sloth and hare. It's really nice when we're both in sloth mode, and nice when we're both motivated. There's nothing worse when I'm feeling slothy and he's moving around cleaning things. It makes me mad, and then I have to un-sloth and help him. It's a guilt thing. And I'm not even Catholic. Despite the fact that I've been out of my parents house for 14 years, I still think my mom is going to come up behind me and slap me out of my chair to help. That's quite a feat - she's 600 miles away. She's scary.

I've had to do some rethinking on things like half cleaning. I'm glad some of it is done, but yeah, DO THE REST! FINISH THE JOB! BF does the dishes here but leaves the sink trap full of gross stuff and leaves the sponge in the sink. I try not to get my blood pressure up over it, because it's such a small stupid thing, but I do. I'm absolutely thrilled the dishes are done but I don't want to touch cold soggy vittles and the gross drippy sponge. I left them there once and I had to scrape the sink clean because the food dried out and cemented itself onto the sink. I just go behind him now and finish the job, thankful that the dishes are done. I once found myself upset that he did laundry while I was at work and didn't fold stuff "right." It was still folded quite nicely, but was folded in half instead of thirds. I had to have a conversation with myself over how crazy I was becoming.

We're supposed to do some roosters/drakes today and I'm still trying to get out of sick/sloth mode. BF is upstairs killing virtual Nazis again. I think we're both in the same mode.

 

[Arielle]

SCG--mayby the birds can hold until next week . . . .

I think you hit on a vital point--when a patient is INVOLVED in the care process, the outcome is much better. Mostly it is a mental/emotional investment and feeling validated, imo, that contributes to the effect as well as the treatment plan it self.

THe doctors need to take the lead on this.

I have been in and out of hospital a LOT in the last 10 years--there is the good and the bad and I can get ugly!!

 

[Bunnylady]

We're supposed to do some roosters/drakes today and I'm still trying to get out of sick/sloth mode. BF is upstairs killing virtual Nazis again. I think we're both in the same mode.

I guess this is my cue to do the "Dr. Mom" thing. You've been sick; it takes time to heal. LISTEN TO YOUR BODY! If you feel up to it, great, but this is Saturday, for Heaven's sake, if you aren't feeling up to it, don't do it. Like Polonius, the birds will wait 'til you get to them (but unlike him, they won't spoil while they wait) [Shakespeare, anyone?]

Glad you seem to be feeling better, though.

 

[superchemicalgirl]

SCG--mayby the birds can hold until next week . . . .

I think you hit on a vital point--when a patient is INVOLVED in the care process, the outcome is much better. Mostly it is a mental/emotional investment and feeling validated, imo, that contributes to the effect as well as the treatment plan it self.

THe doctors need to take the lead on this.

I have been in and out of hospital a LOT in the last 10 years--there is the good and the bad and I can get ugly!!

The birds have been holding some since February. It's time. I hate them, they hate me, they hate each other, the neighbors hate them... we probably won't get all of them done today, but a good slice at least. BF is going to call his friend to help today, too. We like inviting people along to "learn" because not only do we pass along a good skill to have, but we get some extra help, too.

I'm sure once I get moving I'll start to feel better. Right now BF thinks I'm in the basement getting the materials collected, cleaned and set up.