The Village of Critics - Have Your RP Thread Critiqued Today! ~

[miss heny]

Sometimes one must adapt... trust me i have to on a daily basis

 

[OwlLover]

I'll be a critic, too.

 

[iluvorpingtons]

I can do Rainea, Owl, if Zinnia let's me be one.

 

[OwlLover]

Yay

 

[Zinnia-Hen]

Go ahead, everybody.

 

[horselover2001]

Wanna do mine?

https://www.backyardchickens.com/forum/newestpost/839883

 

[ChicknsRock]

How bout this one: https://www.backyardchickens.com/t/835063/snow-leopard-roleplay

 

[iluvorpingtons]

Horselover2001, I tried doing yours. Let me know how I did

. My stuff will look like this.
In this mythical land there are many creatures you can be: Unicorns,Pegasus,Fairies,Griffins,A Phoenix,Pixies,And Dragons. What will you be?

This idea is done. A lot. It's good, though. In fact, I started one of these myself! LOL. Anyway, your selection of creatures is very good, and I think it will appeal to a lot of BYC users. "A mythical land" is an OK start (because your creatures are mythical...der), but it would look better if you tried elaborating more on it. You know, add a few details in about what goes on here, what the lore of the place is, something about the history. If its possible for you too make a map, you should. If not, just a couple sentences on the place will look good.

This RP's plot is a bit free-style. By that, mean the roleplayers are the ones making up the story as they go. Sort of like my Pegasus one. There's no conflict started already and no antagonist for people to set in goal when they start. Adding two apposing sides might make the RP more interesting. While it's a matter of opinion, I think it's easier and funner to be the RP owner when you have a plot to control. The roleplay looks like it will rely solely on the creativity of the players. Many players will have different goals in mind, and it can get a little messy with evil and good characters running around everywhere.

Get what I'm saying? A plot would probably help, or at least some kind of conflict for the RPers to write along with.

Also, you should add spaces between the commas and next creature on the list. Just a spacing error there

Rules:

All BYC rules apply
No swearing
No arguing or fighting
No God models
No character can be perfectly good
Be nice a respect everyone's opinions
And most important HAVE FUN!!

No arguing or fighting can be taken in two ways. I'm assuming you will allow some scuffles between characters, so perhaps "Out of Character" fighting would do better here. "God Models" isn't a very common RPing term. "God Modding" MIGHT be the same as what you mean, but you should still tell people what it is. When I was a new RPer, this stuff really confused me! Now I understand all that slang, but it was hard.

"No character can be perfectly good" is a good, solid rule a lot of RPs have. However, this can also be taken in the wrong way. Better wording would be something like "No character can be perfect".

All of your rules are good, strong, and fair, but I think you should try rewriting a few of them to make them clearer.

More rules may be necessary for this RP regarding the powers of each creature. Most people will automatically assume "Phoenix" means "Epic fire powers!!" and this can lead to huge characters who are WAY too powerful (in all species, not just the phoenixes, even though they are AWESOME). Some guidelines and info about your RP's different creatures would be good here. Now, I'm not talking entire paragraphs, but a few more sentences explaining what you and can and cannot do with mythical powers may be needed. You can try checking out Owl's Rainea RP in the power rules section to see what I mean.

Lands:

Unicorns:

Pegasus:

Fairies:

Griffins:

Phoenix:

Pixies:

Dragons:

I really like the pictures you have up for each land, but these could use more details on where they are and how they work. A map is best for this, but if you can't do that more writing works. Each creature's separate place could use a little explaining. WHY are they separate? CAN they cross? This is one big problem I have with people using only pictures. The pictures explain a lot, but I think they need some info with them.

Form:

Name:
Age:
Gender:
Children:
Mate/Spouse:
Creature:
Picture:
Username:
Other:

This form is nice and straight to the point. I suggest a "Personality" or "History" slot. This encourages people to put more thought into their character's actions and use their histories in the stories and the character's personalities themselves.

Creatures!
Name:Sasha
Age:6
Gender:Female
Children:None
Mate/Spouse:Someone can make one!
Creature:Unicorn
Picture:

Username:horselover2001
Other:None
In all, what this roleplay needs the most is some extra information to guide its players. Your idea is great and it has the capability to become as epic as past fantasy threads.

Another thing I would like to add to this critique thing is that some color and brightness encourages people to join. If you can on your device, try adding in some larger headings and bright text colors. I never make my entire roleplays a color, but some rainbow here and there makes the front page more welcoming to roleplayers who are reading through it.

BTW, I think I'll join.

 

[OwlLover]

Welcome to my snow leopard roleplay, that takes place in the extremely high and cold Himalayas of Asia. Snow leopards are endangered animals, that live off wild sheep, mountain goats, monkeys, boar, and any other meat animals in the mountains, plus some vegetation.They are only hunted by humans.

This is good, so far. I like how you added color; it stands out when people check out your RP. If anything, what I would do is elaborate a bit more. Is there one big group, or are there many groups? Or are they all sort of "loners?"

Rules:
Please pm me or post on this thread if you want to play.
In this rp, you can have the maximum of five adult snow leopards, excluding the cubs ( you can have however many cubs you want).

I have to say that I don't really like this rule. It can be a big inconvenience, and some people like to have families with their charries. If you mean that they can raise them up as cubs, that's a bit better. But, I would specify that a bit more, if that's the case.

All BYC rules apply.

I think you should add a few more rules, such as "One blow per post if in a fight". Some people might not know what to do or what not to do, especially beginning RPers who don't know the ropes yet. It can start OOC fights at times.

Your character form should look like this:
Name:
Age:
History:
Gender:
Pic:
Username:

This looks good.

(The animals talk too.)

This is where the the game takes place:
The Himalayas






This is good, too. I like how you provided pictures, so that people know where the roleplay is taking place. I would made a map in MS Paint, too, if possible.

Thanks for joining! Feel free too ask me any questions!
Characters:
Name: Bender
Age: 5 1/2 years old
Gender: male
History: Was born to a snow leopard named Tiliti. After Tiliti died, he met Kira and mated with her.
Pic:

Username:ClucksAndPeeps

Name: Kira
Age: 5 years old
Gender: female
History: Was born to a snow leopard named Ziana. After Ziana died, she met Bender and mated with him.
Pic:

username:ClucksAndPeeps

Name: Nahmer and Kaliska
Age: Both are 1 year old
Gender: (Nahmer) male, (Kaliska) female
History: Was born to Bender and Kira, not much to note yet
Pic:
(left) Nahmer, (right) Kaliska


Username: ClucksAndPeeps

Name: Ice Stare (Icicles)
Age: 4
History: to be RPed
Gender: female
Pic:

Username: ChickenCrazy1

Name: Darkness
Age: 5
History: None that is very exciting. He is a strong,muscualar cat. He has a deep soothing voice. Darkness has a ruff around his neck and chin that look sorta like a mane.
Gender: male
Pic:


username: ChickenCrazy1

Name: Leo
Age: 6
History: to be RPed
Gender: male
Pic:

Username: ChickenCrazy1


Name: Shira
Age: 7
History: As a cub, she watched her mother and father being murdered by a larger male. She is untrusting,savage and fierce.
Gender: female
Pic:


Username: ChickenCrazy1

Name: Crystal Heart
Age: 8
Gender: Female
History: Her mate left her alone one day she never saw him again.
Picture:

Username: ChickenRadio
Name: Quick Silver (Silver)
Age: 3 weeks
Gender: Female
History: TBM (To Be Made)
Pic: (Her on the left)

Name: Shining Star
Age: 3 weeks
Gender: Female
History: TBM
Pic: (her on the right)

Username:ChickenRadio

Name: Sasha
Age: 3
Gender: F
History: N/A
Pic:

Username: Horsefan4Life
Name: Moon
Age: 4
Gender: M
History: N/A
Pic:

username:Horsefan4life

Overall, I think this is a good RP with potential. It needs some stuff fixed, and some more information for the players.

 

[miss heny]

Owl you gotta wander to BotE anyone wants me to critic any RPs?