The Village of Critics - Have Your RP Thread Critiqued Today! ~

[Perfect Polish]

Is this a good idea.

Once the land a gangia was at war between two kings. Solas the good and Ekvin the evil. Solas one but now Ekvin is raising and army again ataching villages. Who will you help.
Places are as fallows; soldier( please put position), servant, villager, farmer, royal, animal, hunter.

creatures that serve ekvin

Rules

Each person can have 2 powers. No immortality or unlimited power.
No cursing please.
Certain people can have more powers but please ask me before doing so.
Mythical creatures like dragons and unicorns are allowed.


Form:
Name:
Place:
Side:
Pets:
Crush/spouse:
Age:
Powers:
Pics:
Other:


Characters:

Name: Dakota Wolfe
Place: general for Solas
Side: Good
Pets: Ferus(eagle), Gwin( pegasus)
Crush/spouse: Cobalt Knex
Age: 22
Powers: turn into animals, control element, understand/talk to animals, telepathy
Pics:

Other:

Name: Cobalt Knex
Place: sargent
Side: Solas
Pets: Duke
Crush/spouseakota Wolf
Age: 23
Powers: contraol some element. Weak powers. read emotions
Pics:

Other:

Name:Selena Eira
Place:Soldier?
Side:Good
pets:Nyx
Crush/spouse:
Age:20
Powers :Can control ice and heal others.
Pics:
(Nyx)

other:Has a little sister named Cassidy

Name:Cassidy Eira
Place:Villager
Side:Good
Pets:Thunderstorm
Crush/spouse:
Age:16
Power:Can control plants and blend into her surroundings making her practically invisible.
Pics:
(Thunderstorm)

Other:Her big sister is Selena

Name:Blake
Place:Soldier
Side:Evil
Pets:
Crush/spouse:
Age:24
Powers:Can turn into a dragon.
PicsHuman form) Black hair with yellow eyes
(Dragon form)

Other:

Namearktalon
Place:Animal
Side:Evil
Pets:
Crush/spouse:
Age:23
Powers:Super hearing.
Pics:
Other:


Name: Kassey
Place: royal
side: good
pets:Snow
crush/spouse:
Age: 16
powers: Can Be really strong, and run super fast.
pics: I can't find a good pic of the human, so she has long brown hair, tall, always wears red, and and blue eyes.
Snow:


name: darkness
Place: animal
Side: evil
Pets:
Crush/spouse:
Age: 17
Powers: can fly super fast and can see things that are far away
Pics:

other

Name:Aurora
Place:Animal
Side:Good
Pets:
Crush/spouse:
Age:26
Powers:Telekinesis and invincibility.
Pics:
Other


Name: Solas the good
Place: king
Side: good
Pets:
Crush/spouse:
Age: 41
Powers: many being king
Pics:

Other:

Name: Ekvin the Evil
Place:King
Side: evil
Pets:
Crush/spouse:
Age: 41
Powers:
many evil powers incluing control over the demons
Pics:

Other:

Demons

Name: Kala
Place: Animal
Side: Good
Pets:
Crush/spouse:
Age: 26
Powers: Can control earth elements (like plants and rocks) and can change her size.
Pics:
Other:


Name: Calli Caprus
Place: doctor
Side: good
Pets: Daisy( cat), Minnow(horse)
Crush/spouse:
Age: 32
Powers: healing
Pics:

 

[Perfect Polish]

What about this

Please fill out the form.

Ranks are:
Cheiftains
Lords
Skreeleens
Byrrgis Leaders
Captains
Lieutenants
Sublieutenants
Corprals
Packers
Gnaw Wolves
Obea

You can also be a bear or an owl if you like but i would like to keep those to a minimum

Clans are MacDonegal, MacHeath, MacDuncan, MacNab, MacDuff, and the MacAngus, and the MacNameras. The MacNameras are only females

I'm also having a Ring of Sacred Volcanos but their can only be 10 wolves. Pm me for spots. These are only Gnaw wolves.
Gnaw wolves are low ranking and have deforminties. Obeas are sterile females responsible for taking deformed pups out of the pack and leaving them to die.

Map

There are also outclaners and loners. Outclaner live in the outer most and are savage creatures.

Please fill the form below

Name:
Clan:
Gender:
Pic:
Rank:
Mate:
Pups:
Other:

 

[iluvorpingtons]

Is this a good idea.

Once the land a gangia was at war between two kings. Solas the good and Ekvin the evil. Solas one but now Ekvin is raising and army again ataching villages. Who will you help.
Places are as fallows; soldier( please put position), servant, villager, farmer, royal, animal, hunter.

The punctuation needs a little help here . Gangia, 'cause its...a land, I guess, should always be capitalized.

This roleplay could use the exact same thing as the last one I did: info, info, info. You have enough here for a nice start, but the RPers are curious! Some details like Solas and Ekin's motives would be good, for lore and just to give the RP a very well thought out, attractive introduction.
We need more details about Gangia. The RPers should be able to picture at least the rough terrain of the area. It could also use more things about the magic and the nature of it here. Each rank, while not as necessary, would look better with a small description for I, just a few words.

creatures that serve ekvin Capitalize here

Good pic. Details on their powers (if any) and just what these creatures are would be welcomed here.
Rules

Each person can have 2 powers. No immortality or unlimited power. These are good. I would suggest a few more power rules, but that just depends on how far the wild, magicness of the RP is going to go.
No cursing please.
Certain people can have more powers but please ask me before doing so. This rule seems a little...off. I know its not meant to come off as unfair, but some people can take it for that. You could allow something like a limited amount of slots or more specific rules for this to make it read better.
Mythical creatures like dragons and unicorns are allowed.

I suggest you add rules regarding how you want the characters to fight like "one blow per post" or "three blows per post".

Form:
Name:
Place:
Side:
Pets:
Crush/spouse:
Age:
Powers:
Pics:
Other:

This is good. "Personality' and "History" slots wouldn't hurt, though.

Characters:

Name: Dakota Wolfe
Place: general for Solas
Side: Good
Pets: Ferus(eagle), Gwin( pegasus)
Crush/spouse: Cobalt Knex
Age: 22
Powers: turn into animals, control element, understand/talk to animals, telepathy
Pics:

Other:

Name: Cobalt Knex
Place: sargent
Side: Solas
Pets: Duke
Crush/spouseakota Wolf
Age: 23
Powers: contraol some element. Weak powers. read emotions
Pics:

Other:

Name:Selena Eira
Place:Soldier?
Side:Good
pets:Nyx
Crush/spouse:
Age:20
Powers :Can control ice and heal others.
Pics:
(Nyx)

other:Has a little sister named Cassidy

Name:Cassidy Eira
Place:Villager
Side:Good
Pets:Thunderstorm
Crush/spouse:
Age:16
Power:Can control plants and blend into her surroundings making her practically invisible.
Pics:
(Thunderstorm)

Other:Her big sister is Selena

Name:Blake
Place:Soldier
Side:Evil
Pets:
Crush/spouse:
Age:24
Powers:Can turn into a dragon.
PicsHuman form) Black hair with yellow eyes
(Dragon form)

Other:

Namearktalon
Place:Animal
Side:Evil
Pets:
Crush/spouse:
Age:23
Powers:Super hearing.
Pics:
Other:


Name: Kassey
Place: royal
side: good
pets:Snow
crush/spouse:
Age: 16
powers: Can Be really strong, and run super fast.
pics: I can't find a good pic of the human, so she has long brown hair, tall, always wears red, and and blue eyes.
Snow:


name: darkness
Place: animal
Side: evil
Pets:
Crush/spouse:
Age: 17
Powers: can fly super fast and can see things that are far away
Pics:

other

Name:Aurora
Place:Animal
Side:Good
Pets:
Crush/spouse:
Age:26
Powers:Telekinesis and invincibility.
Pics:
Other


Name: Solas the good
Place: king
Side: good
Pets:
Crush/spouse:
Age: 41
Powers: many being king
Pics:

Other:

Name: Ekvin the Evil
Place:King
Side: evil
Pets:
Crush/spouse:
Age: 41
Powers:
many evil powers incluing control over the demons
Pics:

Other:

Demons

Name: Kala
Place: Animal
Side: Good
Pets:
Crush/spouse:
Age: 26
Powers: Can control earth elements (like plants and rocks) and can change her size.
Pics:
Other:


Name: Calli Caprus
Place: doctor
Side: good
Pets: Daisy( cat), Minnow(horse)
Crush/spouse:
Age: 32
Powers: healing
Pics:

In conclusion, what you can do to help this RP the most is add more details. Information on the plot you have in mind is what will hook the people reading it and help to control where the RP is going.
Like the other RP I did, colorful and bigger headings will make this much more appealing to new joiners.

 

[Perfect Polish]

Ok thanks.

 

[Perfect Polish]

How does it look now.

Wild World RPG

Once there was a land called Gangia. The land was mostly forest and mountains. It was ruled by a king called Malistar. Malistar died and left the throne to his two sons Ekvin and Solas. Because of his sudden death the two brothers began to fight. War and cause spread through the land. Ekvin became known by many as Ekvin the Evil. Solas became Solas the good. Solas found a way to conquer his evil brother and restore peace to Gangia. But peace never lasts. Ekvin had found a way to create and summon an army of demons to aid him. War is starting again. Who will you side with?

Rules
No cursing.
Each person can have up to two powers.
NO immortality or unlimited powers.
Animals and mythical creatures are allowed and they can have powers to.
You can be a demon just make them kind of demony or scary. Dont make it something like a rabbit or puppy.
Demons only serve Ekvin

Positions are...
Soldier- fight for which ever side your on.
Doctor- healing injuries
Animal- bascaily what it says
Farmer- farm and grow food/ raise livestock
Villiger- live in one of the many villages surounding the kingdom

Form:
Name:
Place:
Side:
Pets:
Crush/spouse:
Age:
History/personality:
Powers:
Pics:
Other:

Characters


Name: Solas the good
Place: king
Side: good
Pets:
Crush/spouse:
Age: 41
Powers: many being king
Pics:

Other:

Name: Ekvin the Evil
Place:King
Side: evil
Pets:
Crush/spouse:
Age: 41
Powers:
many evil powers incluing control over the demons
Pics:

Other:

Name: Dakota Wolfe
Place: general for Solas
Side: Good
Pets: Ferus(eagle), Gwin( pegasus)
Crush/spouse: Cobalt Knex
Age: 22
Powers: turn into animals, telepathy
Pics:

Name: Cobalt Knex
Place: soldier
Side: Solas
Pets: Duke
Crush/spouseakota Wolf
Age: 23
Powers: contraol some element. Weak powers. read emotions
Pics:

Name:Selena Eira
Place:Soldier?
Side:Good
pets:Nyx
Crush/spouse:
Age:20
Powers :Can control ice and heal others.
Pics:
(Nyx)

other:Has a little sister named Cassidy

Name:Cassidy Eira
Place:Villager
Side:Good
Pets:Thunderstorm
Crush/spouse:
Age:16
Power:Can control plants and blend into her surroundings making her practically invisible.
Pics:
(Thunderstorm)

Other:Her big sister is Selena


Name:Blake
Place:Soldier
Side:Evil
Pets:
Crush/spouse:
Age:24
Powers:Can turn into a dragon.
PicsHuman form) Black hair with yellow eyes
(Dragon form)

Other:

Namearktalon
Place:Animal
Side:Evil
Pets:
Crush/spouse:
Age:23
Powers:Super hearing.
Pics:
Other:


Name: Kassey
Place: soldier
side: good
pets:Snow
crush/spouse:
Age: 16
powers: Can Be really strong, and run super fast.
pics: I can't find a good pic of the human, so she has long brown hair, tall, always wears red, and and blue eyes.
Snow:


name: darkness
Place: animal
Side: evil
Pets:
Crush/spouse:
Age: 17
Powers: can fly super fast and can see things that are far away
Pics:

other

Name:Aurora
Place:Animal
Side:Good
Pets:
Crush/spouse:
Age:26
Powers:Telekinesis and invincibility.
Pics:
Other

Name: Kala
Place: Animal
Side: Good
Pets:
Crush/spouse:
Age: 26
Powers: Can control earth elements (like plants and rocks) and can change her size.
Pics:
Other:


Name: Calli Caprus
Place: doctor
Side: good
Pets: Daisy( cat), Minnow(horse)
Crush/spouse:
Age: 32
Powers: healing
Pics:

 

[iluvorpingtons]

Wow, that looks awesome. I'm in a ton of RPs, but I would join if I had the time.

 

[Chickenfan4life]

I am currently not accepting any new members. If you are already a member, then you can continue RPing, but I'm not accepting any new people into this RP. Sorry for the inconvenience.

A Young male dog, as black as night, stumbled into the park on a cold winter's night. Afraid, hungry, and worst of all, alone, he starts his own pack, a pack of only the kindest dogs with the purest of hearts. But, he was not the only one: upon the same night, another young male created his own pack, a pack of hatred and deceitfulness; dogs so evil that Hell wouldn't accept them. They were the Jargoans, led by the Alpha, Jargo, himself.

Brothers, Endigo and Jargo, separated by their differences and histories, create their packs and become each others' rival. Both packs are different, with Endigo's pack being pure of heart, and Jargo's pack full of evil and deceitfulness. But, amongst these, there are other packs that do not have rivals. These packs are neutral, neither fighting nor fleeing. But, despite their differences, all packs must survive in the concrete jungle, a busy city in Connecticut. Who's pack will you join? Or do you think that a loner's life is better for you? Choose your path and find your fate! Survive The City!

General Rules:

ALL BYC Rules Apply

I own this RP: what I say goes!

Please keep this RP PG-13. Things may get quite violent, so I can't keep this RP at just PG.

No controlling other peoples' characters (god-modding); how would you like it if you came back and your character was fighting it's best friend?

No magic or superpowers allowed in this RP; please keep things realistic!

No invincible characters.

No instant healing; a wound should take at least a day to heal; a broken bone should take five days to heal.

No wolves or wolf hybrids, coyoteXdog hybrids, or dogXfox hybrids; wolfdogs, such as the Czechoslovakian Wolf Dog or other such breeds are allowed.

You can have a mate and pups, but do not go into details about how the pups came about.

You can have as many characters as you want, but you must be able to handle all of them.

If you and another member have a problem, please work it out in a PM; remember, this is a RP, not a chat thread!

When hunting or scavenging, remember: this is a park. Live prey are things such as squirrels, rats, mice, and birds. Food found in trash cans is rare, and a dog isn't likely to find an entire, untouched cheeseburger in a trash can.

I am not accepting any new packs right now.

Fight Rules:

You are not allowed to kill or cripple another person's character without their permission.

Only one blow per post; the character's owner decided whether the injury is taken.

You can only dodge one out of every four blows; the rest should be taken with some injury as a result.

If your pack wants to claim territory, they must fight for it or get the full consent of the pack's owner.

Be realistic when fighting; a single dog can't take down an entire pack, or even three dogs it's own size, and an entire pack can't go up against a dog and the dog come out unhurt.

No cussing or major threats during fights. Acceptable threats: “You're going DOWN!” “I'm gonna kill you so bad!” “You've met your doom!” Unacceptable threats: “I'm gonna kill you and ear out all your guts and eat your heart!” or other such remarks.

Map Key:

Black=Jargoan Pack: Jargoan Pack is one of the main packs in the RP. They are led by Jargo (my character) and the pack is made up of a bunch of evil, deceitful dogs who pay homage to Jargo and his mate, Harli (SilkiesForEver's character).

Gold=Golden Pack: This pack is made up of the most pure of heart, kind, honest dogs, whom are not ruled, only led, by their Alpha, Endigo, the kind, and his mate, Nessa (ChicksGalore3's character).

Brown=WillowPack: One of the neutral packs that are neither fighting nor fleeing, this pack is a pack for dogs that want a new life; dogs that are tired of living in a pack that they don't like. They are led by Rex (my character) and Melanie (SilkiesForEver's character).

Blue=Indigo Pack: Indigo Pack, similar to Jargoan Pack, and led by Blue (OwlLover's character) are a bunch of dirty, deceitful dogs that will kill, and aren't afraid to steal territory and fight for it. They are powerful and dangerous! Note: This is OwlLover's pack; if you want to join it, check with OwlLover first!

Gray=Loner Land: Loners, dogs that don't want to be led by an alpha, are found in this bit of land, where they live and fend for themselves, neither one helping the other. It's every dog for himself in this spot!

Blue-Green Circle=Koi Pond: The Koi Pond is the dogs' water source. Each pack has a section of the Koi Pond in their packlands, so that they have water to drink.



(Apologies for the terrible map. If anyone wants to make a different map, PM me. It should look like this.)


Pack Ranks:

Alpha Male. This is the highest rank in the pack, with the power to order the pack around, and kill the members of it for treason or other such crimes. The Alpha Male is the one that declares war on another pack. (One Alpha Male per pack.)

Alpha Female. The Alpha Female is the mate of the Alpha Male, and has the same power as the Alpha Male, but if the Alpha Male is around, she has to let him make the decisions. The Alpha Female is generally the one to lead the pack into battle. (One Alpha Female per pack.)

Beta Male. The Beta Male is the male dog of the third best rank. If the Alpha Male dies, the Beta Male can rise to take his place as Alpha, as long as there are no heirs/heiresses. The Beta Male can give orders when neither Alpha Male nor Alpha Female are around. (One Beta Male per pack.)

Beta Female. The Beta Female is the female dog of the third best rank. If the Alpha Female dies, the Beta Female can rise to take her place as Alpha Female, as long as the Alpha Male doesn't have another crush. The Beta Female cannot give orders to the pack, even if both Alphas and the Beta Male are gone.
(One Beta Female per pack.)

Sentry. The Sentries are the dogs that guard the pack. They spend most of their day near the border of the pack, ready to alert the Alpha to trouble. These dogs do not have power, but they are highly respected for their bravery, considering they will be the first victims if a pack declares war and marches into the territory. (Need about 4 sentries per pack.)

Hunter. The Hunters are the dogs that supply the main income of food. While all the dogs can pitch in and help, it is the Hunters, chosen for their skill to catch prey, that supply the most food. The pack depends on them, and they are therefore respected. (need about 4 hunters per pack.)

Packmate. The heart of the pack, these dogs are usually the ones that will fight alongside their Alpha. They do not have ranks, and are not considerably respectable, unless they have done something that earns them respect. (unlimited.)

Pup. A pup is a dog under the age of 2 years old. They do not have a rank, and are cared for by their mother and father, or guardian.


Setting:

Imagine a quiet, scenic park, crisscrossed with walking paths, patched with small woods, covered in green grass, and at it's center, a large Koi Pond which serves as their water. NewBerry Park is located in a busy city in Connecticut.


Joining Form:

Name:
Gender:
Age:
Pack:
Rank:
Mate:
Personality:
History:
Breed:
Other:
Picture or Description:

Members:

~*~Jargoan Pack~*~
Alpha Male: Jargo (Chickenfan4life)
Alpha Female: Harli (SilkiesForEver)
Beta Male: Buck (SilkiesForEver)
Beta Female:
Sentries: Diablo (Chickenfan4life)
Hunters: Cujo (SilkiesForEver)
Packmates: Delano (pipdzipdandreadytogo) Sedna (OwlLover) Diemen (Chicks Galore3) Blizzard (OwlLover) Spirit (brierose3) Lana/The Temptress (Chickenfan4life) Murdoc (Zinnia-Hen)
Pups:

~*~Golden Pack~*~
Alpha Male: Endigo (Chickenfan4life)
Alpha Female: Nessa (ChicksGalore3)
Beta Male:
Beta Female:
Sentries: Stella (iluvorpingtons)
Hunters: Callisto (iluvorpingtons)
Packmates: Sonya (pipdzipdandreadytogo) Georgia (pipdzipdandreadytogo) Everest (SilkiesForEver) Dixie (Chickenfan4life) Stone (animalLover505) Hollyleap (animalLover505) Mystery (pipdzipdandreadytogo)
Pups:

~*~Indigo Pack~*~
Alpha Male: Blue (OwlLover)
Alpha Female:
Beta Male: Black Thunder (OwlLover)
Beta Female: Flint (OwlLover)
Sentries:
Hunters:
Packmates: Knight (OwlLover) Hook (OwlLover) Kage (OwlLover)
Pups:

~*~Willow Pack~*~
Alpha Male: Rex (Chickenfan4life)
Alpha Female: Melanie (SilkiesForEver)
Beta Male:
Beta Female: Faith (pipdzipdandreadytogo)
Sentries: Ursa (Zinnia-Hen) Lia (MollyBrownROX13)
Hunters: Sophie (Oh Maw Gawsh)
Packmates: Layla (SilkiesForEver)
Pups: Flag, Daisy, Snowy, Smokey Paisley Butch, Jenna, Amanda


~*~Loner Land~*~
Shakira (SilkiesForEver) Rinty (SilkiesForEver) Jane (SilkiesForEver)


What could I do to improve mine?

 

[ChicknsRock]

I'll give you the member page since i can't edit the thread any longer... :/
https://www.backyardchickens.com/a/wild-horse-rp-pm-to-join-character-page

 

[horselover2001]

Could I be a critic?

 

[OwlLover]

I am currently not accepting any new members. If you are already a member, then you can continue RPing, but I'm not accepting any new people into this RP. Sorry for the inconvenience.

A Young male dog, as black as night, stumbled into the park on a cold winter's night. Afraid, hungry, and worst of all, alone, he starts his own pack, a pack of only the kindest dogs with the purest of hearts. But, he was not the only one: upon the same night, another young male created his own pack, a pack of hatred and deceitfulness; dogs so evil that Hell wouldn't accept them. They were the Jargoans, led by the Alpha, Jargo, himself.

Brothers, Endigo and Jargo, separated by their differences and histories, create their packs and become each others' rival. Both packs are different, with Endigo's pack being pure of heart, and Jargo's pack full of evil and deceitfulness. But, amongst these, there are other packs that do not have rivals. These packs are neutral, neither fighting nor fleeing. But, despite their differences, all packs must survive in the concrete jungle, a busy city in Connecticut. Who's pack will you join? Or do you think that a loner's life is better for you? Choose your path and find your fate! Survive The City!

General Rules:

ALL BYC Rules Apply

I own this RP: what I say goes!

Please keep this RP PG-13. Things may get quite violent, so I can't keep this RP at just PG.

No controlling other peoples' characters (god-modding); how would you like it if you came back and your character was fighting it's best friend?

No magic or superpowers allowed in this RP; please keep things realistic!

No invincible characters.

No instant healing; a wound should take at least a day to heal; a broken bone should take five days to heal.

No wolves or wolf hybrids, coyoteXdog hybrids, or dogXfox hybrids; wolfdogs, such as the Czechoslovakian Wolf Dog or other such breeds are allowed.

You can have a mate and pups, but do not go into details about how the pups came about.

You can have as many characters as you want, but you must be able to handle all of them.

If you and another member have a problem, please work it out in a PM; remember, this is a RP, not a chat thread!

When hunting or scavenging, remember: this is a park. Live prey are things such as squirrels, rats, mice, and birds. Food found in trash cans is rare, and a dog isn't likely to find an entire, untouched cheeseburger in a trash can.

I am not accepting any new packs right now.

Fight Rules:

You are not allowed to kill or cripple another person's character without their permission.

Only one blow per post; the character's owner decided whether the injury is taken.

You can only dodge one out of every four blows; the rest should be taken with some injury as a result.

If your pack wants to claim territory, they must fight for it or get the full consent of the pack's owner.

Be realistic when fighting; a single dog can't take down an entire pack, or even three dogs it's own size, and an entire pack can't go up against a dog and the dog come out unhurt.

No cussing or major threats during fights. Acceptable threats: “You're going DOWN!” “I'm gonna kill you so bad!” “You've met your doom!” Unacceptable threats: “I'm gonna kill you and ear out all your guts and eat your heart!” or other such remarks.

Map Key:

Black=Jargoan Pack: Jargoan Pack is one of the main packs in the RP. They are led by Jargo (my character) and the pack is made up of a bunch of evil, deceitful dogs who pay homage to Jargo and his mate, Harli (SilkiesForEver's character).

Gold=Golden Pack: This pack is made up of the most pure of heart, kind, honest dogs, whom are not ruled, only led, by their Alpha, Endigo, the kind, and his mate, Nessa (ChicksGalore3's character).

Brown=WillowPack: One of the neutral packs that are neither fighting nor fleeing, this pack is a pack for dogs that want a new life; dogs that are tired of living in a pack that they don't like. They are led by Rex (my character) and Melanie (SilkiesForEver's character).

Blue=Indigo Pack: Indigo Pack, similar to Jargoan Pack, and led by Blue (OwlLover's character) are a bunch of dirty, deceitful dogs that will kill, and aren't afraid to steal territory and fight for it. They are powerful and dangerous! Note: This is OwlLover's pack; if you want to join it, check with OwlLover first!

Gray=Loner Land: Loners, dogs that don't want to be led by an alpha, are found in this bit of land, where they live and fend for themselves, neither one helping the other. It's every dog for himself in this spot!

Blue-Green Circle=Koi Pond: The Koi Pond is the dogs' water source. Each pack has a section of the Koi Pond in their packlands, so that they have water to drink.



(Apologies for the terrible map. If anyone wants to make a different map, PM me. It should look like this.)


Pack Ranks:

Alpha Male. This is the highest rank in the pack, with the power to order the pack around, and kill the members of it for treason or other such crimes. The Alpha Male is the one that declares war on another pack. (One Alpha Male per pack.)

Alpha Female. The Alpha Female is the mate of the Alpha Male, and has the same power as the Alpha Male, but if the Alpha Male is around, she has to let him make the decisions. The Alpha Female is generally the one to lead the pack into battle. (One Alpha Female per pack.)

Beta Male. The Beta Male is the male dog of the third best rank. If the Alpha Male dies, the Beta Male can rise to take his place as Alpha, as long as there are no heirs/heiresses. The Beta Male can give orders when neither Alpha Male nor Alpha Female are around. (One Beta Male per pack.)

Beta Female. The Beta Female is the female dog of the third best rank. If the Alpha Female dies, the Beta Female can rise to take her place as Alpha Female, as long as the Alpha Male doesn't have another crush. The Beta Female cannot give orders to the pack, even if both Alphas and the Beta Male are gone.
(One Beta Female per pack.)

Sentry. The Sentries are the dogs that guard the pack. They spend most of their day near the border of the pack, ready to alert the Alpha to trouble. These dogs do not have power, but they are highly respected for their bravery, considering they will be the first victims if a pack declares war and marches into the territory. (Need about 4 sentries per pack.)

Hunter. The Hunters are the dogs that supply the main income of food. While all the dogs can pitch in and help, it is the Hunters, chosen for their skill to catch prey, that supply the most food. The pack depends on them, and they are therefore respected. (need about 4 hunters per pack.)

Packmate. The heart of the pack, these dogs are usually the ones that will fight alongside their Alpha. They do not have ranks, and are not considerably respectable, unless they have done something that earns them respect. (unlimited.)

Pup. A pup is a dog under the age of 2 years old. They do not have a rank, and are cared for by their mother and father, or guardian.


Setting:

Imagine a quiet, scenic park, crisscrossed with walking paths, patched with small woods, covered in green grass, and at it's center, a large Koi Pond which serves as their water. NewBerry Park is located in a busy city in Connecticut.


Joining Form:

Name:
Gender:
Age:
Pack:
Rank:
Mate:
Personality:
History:
Breed:
Other:
Picture or Description:

Members:

~*~Jargoan Pack~*~
Alpha Male: Jargo (Chickenfan4life)
Alpha Female: Harli (SilkiesForEver)
Beta Male: Buck (SilkiesForEver)
Beta Female:
Sentries: Diablo (Chickenfan4life)
Hunters: Cujo (SilkiesForEver)
Packmates: Delano (pipdzipdandreadytogo) Sedna (OwlLover) Diemen (Chicks Galore3) Blizzard (OwlLover) Spirit (brierose3) Lana/The Temptress (Chickenfan4life) Murdoc (Zinnia-Hen)
Pups:

~*~Golden Pack~*~
Alpha Male: Endigo (Chickenfan4life)
Alpha Female: Nessa (ChicksGalore3)
Beta Male:
Beta Female:
Sentries: Stella (iluvorpingtons)
Hunters: Callisto (iluvorpingtons)
Packmates: Sonya (pipdzipdandreadytogo) Georgia (pipdzipdandreadytogo) Everest (SilkiesForEver) Dixie (Chickenfan4life) Stone (animalLover505) Hollyleap (animalLover505) Mystery (pipdzipdandreadytogo)
Pups:

~*~Indigo Pack~*~
Alpha Male: Blue (OwlLover)
Alpha Female:
Beta Male: Black Thunder (OwlLover)
Beta Female: Flint (OwlLover)
Sentries:
Hunters:
Packmates: Knight (OwlLover) Hook (OwlLover) Kage (OwlLover)
Pups:

~*~Willow Pack~*~
Alpha Male: Rex (Chickenfan4life)
Alpha Female: Melanie (SilkiesForEver)
Beta Male:
Beta Female: Faith (pipdzipdandreadytogo)
Sentries: Ursa (Zinnia-Hen) Lia (MollyBrownROX13)
Hunters: Sophie (Oh Maw Gawsh)
Packmates: Layla (SilkiesForEver)
Pups: Flag, Daisy, Snowy, Smokey Paisley Butch, Jenna, Amanda


~*~Loner Land~*~
Shakira (SilkiesForEver) Rinty (SilkiesForEver) Jane (SilkiesForEver)


What could I do to improve mine?

I'll critique this soon.