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[OwlLover]

Wolves!

Plot
You are a wolf living in a North American wilderness. You live in a pack, either the alpha, omega, packmember, pup or beta, or you live by yourself as a loner. Living in a pack is a lot safer than living by yourself. As a wolf, you always have a risk to take. The risk of being hunted by humans, your number one predator. The risk of a fight, the risk of losing, the risk of starving. Being a wolf is a tough life, but it is also fun.
What will you be?-- a pack wolf or loner?

First off, I'd like to say that I believe that this has already been done. There's already three wolf RPs going around. There isn't always a problem with having more than one, but there's so many right now that some (cough*Run with the Pack*coughhack) are getting ignored. Why not start something similar, but different? There's potential here, and it's off to a good start, but you need to develop the story more. The idea is almost identical to RWTP.

Rules
All BYC rules apply.
You cannot rp until I say so.
If you wanna join ask please.
Break the rules more than once and I'll have to ask you to leave.
No invincible characters.
No mating on this thread; do it through pms.
What I say goes.
HAVE FUN!!!

This is just me, but on my threads I'm very strict about mating. I don't think it needs to be done at all; all you have to do is "timeskip" when they're alone, and the point will be made. And also, I think you need to word #4 better. If I was a new BYC member and was considering joining this RP, I would find it a big turn off. It's more than a bit unwelcoming.

Packs
Snow Pack: This pack is usually peaceful. They don't like to make trouble or anything. They live in Alaska where it snows a lot.

Cold Pack: These wolves are vicious and fighters, a competitor with Hot Pack. They live in Oregon.

Hot Pack: These wolves are also mean, but not as vicious as Cold Pack, their enemy. When Cold Pack isn't around they are peaceful.

Blizzard Pack: This pack is another peaceful pack. They are even friends with the wolves in Snow pack.

I don't like how you have the packs in two separate states. If they are so far apart, the good and evil packs will almost never interact and things become boring very quickly.

Ranks
Alpha Male (1): Leader of the pack
Alpha Female (1): Leader's mate
Beta (1): The enforcer of the alpha; helps out the alpha male and female
Packmember (unlimited): The wolves that make up a pack
Pup (unlimited): The puppies of a pack

This is good, but again, it is almost identical to two other wolf RPs.

Form
Name:
Age:
Gender:
Pack:
Rank:
Mate:
Pups:
Pic:
Username:

Characters:
Name: Luna
Age: 3
Gender: female
Pack: cold pack
Rank: alpha female
Mate: alpha male
Pups: are loners
Pic:

Username: ChicknsRock

Name: Drake
Age: 3
Gender: male
Pack: cold
Rank: packmember
Mate:
Pups: none
Pic:

Username: ChicknsRock

Name: HailStorm
Age: 7
Gender: F
Pack: Blizzard
Rank: Alpha Female
Mate: SnowFur
Pups: None Yet
Pic:

Username: ChickenRadio


Name: SnowFur
Age: 7
Gender: M
Pack: Blizzard
Rank: Alpha Male
Mate: HailStorm
Pups: None Yet
Pic:

Username: ChickenRadio

Name: IceStorm
Age: 7
Gender: F
Pack: Blizzard
Rank: PackMember
Mate: Snowpaws
Pups: N/A
Pic:

Username: ChickenRadio

Name: Stonepaws
Age: 3
Gender: male
Pack: Blizzard pack
Rank: packmember
Mate: Icestorm
Pups: none
Pic:

Username: ChicknsRock

Name: Blue
Age: 1 year
Gender: Male
Pack: Snow Pack
Rank: Alpha Male
Mate: Alpha Female/Luna
Pups: are Loners
Pic:

Username: roostersandhens




Name: Blizzard
Pack: Snow
Gender: Female
Rank: Alpha Female
Age: 2 1/2 years
Mate: Alpha Male of Snow
Pups: __________
Picture:

Username: roostersandhens

Overall, this RP needs some work. You've got a start, but it needs to be developed. It is almost identical to three or four other existing Wolf RPs, and like I said, the problem with that is that the others get ignored, and it causes lots of unnecessary disappointment and hurt feelings. This could turn out to be a very nice RP, but it needs to be different from the others.

 

[ilovemysilkie]

Can someone please critic mine? https://www.backyardchickens.com/t/841036/run-with-the-wild-horses-rp

 

[ChicknsRock]

Quote:

Name: Drake
Age: 3
Gender: male
Pack: cold
Rank: packmember
Mate:
Pups: none
Pic:

Username: ChicknsRock

Name: HailStorm
Age: 7
Gender: F
Pack: Blizzard
Rank: Alpha Female
Mate: SnowFur
Pups: None Yet
Pic:

Username: ChickenRadio


Name: SnowFur
Age: 7
Gender: M
Pack: Blizzard
Rank: Alpha Male
Mate: HailStorm
Pups: None Yet
Pic:

Username: ChickenRadio

Name: IceStorm
Age: 7
Gender: F
Pack: Blizzard
Rank: PackMember
Mate: Snowpaws
Pups: N/A
Pic:

Username: ChickenRadio

Name: Stonepaws
Age: 3
Gender: male
Pack: Blizzard pack
Rank: packmember
Mate: Icestorm
Pups: none
Pic:

Username: ChicknsRock

Name: Blue
Age: 1 year
Gender: Male
Pack: Snow Pack
Rank: Alpha Male
Mate: Alpha Female/Luna
Pups: are Loners
Pic:

Username: roostersandhens




Name: Blizzard
Pack: Snow
Gender: Female
Rank: Alpha Female
Age: 2 1/2 years
Mate: Alpha Male of Snow
Pups: __________
Picture:

Username: roostersandhens

Overall, this RP needs some work. You've got a start, but it needs to be developed. It is almost identical to three or four other existing Wolf RPs, and like I said, the problem with that is that the others get ignored, and it causes lots of unnecessary disappointment and hurt feelings. This could turn out to be a very nice RP, but it needs to be different from the others.

 

[iluvorpingtons]

ChicknsRock, I think your best bet is adding in a more interesting plot with a bigger problem, like maybe human hunters/builders? However, we already have wolf RPs here, andI think it would be even better if we had more for other animals. Foxes, dolphins, all of those guys that get ignored.
I've seen WAY more similar RPs to RWTP (seriously, the intro is even the same), but I believe we do have WAAAAY to many wolf games.

 

[iluvorpingtons]

Can someone please critic mine? https://www.backyardchickens.com/t/841036/run-with-the-wild-horses-rp

Here ya go

A grey dappled colt by the name of Jasper, was born into a herd of evil horses. He never liked the way they acted. He tried his best to obey, but never wanted to hurt someone like the rest. His father who was the leader, banished him out of the herd at the age of 2 years old. "What did I do wrong? I tried my best to obey but it wasn't good enough." Jasper thought. His eyes filled up with tears, one by one, they dripped down his face. His mother stood there watching, not making a sound, Her mate was the most evil stallion of them all. The dappled grey stallion wandered around, hoping that someday, someone would find him. He hated being alone and he has been for many years now.
Nice intro here. I would like to know, though, is this evil herd part of the RP? It would help a lot if you explained this part's relevance to the actual roleplay. I can assume from reading this that this will be a good vs bad horse war RP. The paragraph itself is detailed and absorbing, but the game needs more story put into it.

Rules:

1. All BYC rules apply.
2. No playing someones horse, Ex: I kick you and you cry.
3. No outside of the RP fighting/arguing, do it through
4. Respect everyone's feelings.
5. Your horse cannot be perfectly good or perfectly evil. This rule itself is good, but your intro's "evil herd" and "evilest stallion" seem to contradict this.
6. If you don't like the way someone is RPing, ask them NICELY to please stop. This is from personal experience: trust me, it works WAY better when you, the OP, are the one resolving all these issues. Even when people ask nicely, this stuff can turn into fighting and a lot of messes
7. Don't RP until I accept your horse.
8. Be nice and don't yell at anyone, unless it's in the RP.
9. You can't always win the fights. One thing you need are fighting rules. "One hit per post" "Other person decides injury" and those kinds of rules really help in roleplays with fighting.
10. Have Fun!

Herds:

Sun Herd
Grass Herd
Sky Herd
Space Herd
Star Herd

All I want to know here is which herd is the antagonist and which ones are the protagonists (IF your introduction applies to these herds, but I don't see how it wouldn't...)

Map:



Sun Herd: Yellow
Grass Herd: Green
Sky Herd: Light Blue
Space Herd: Purple
Star Herd: Dark Blue
The River: Very light blue in the middle and goes into each herd's territory.

Ranks:

Lead Mare: 1 in each herd.
Lead Stallion: 1 in each herd.
Foal: Unlimited
Broodmare: Unlimited

Try elaborating more on the purpose of each rank. Also, you should have some way of showing which ranks are taken in which herds

Form:

Name:
Age:
Gender:
Mate:
Foals:
Breed:
Rank:
Herd:
History:
Personality:
Picture/Description:
Username:
Other:

Nice form.
This RP if off to a better start than a lot of other recent ones, and I like seeing that you've put plenty of effort into the story. However, this needs more details and story to it. The RP should tie in nicely with its background.

 

[OwlLover]

Quote:

Name: Drake
Age: 3
Gender: male
Pack: cold
Rank: packmember
Mate:
Pups: none
Pic:

Username: ChicknsRock

Name: HailStorm
Age: 7
Gender: F
Pack: Blizzard
Rank: Alpha Female
Mate: SnowFur
Pups: None Yet
Pic:

Username: ChickenRadio


Name: SnowFur
Age: 7
Gender: M
Pack: Blizzard
Rank: Alpha Male
Mate: HailStorm
Pups: None Yet
Pic:

Username: ChickenRadio

Name: IceStorm
Age: 7
Gender: F
Pack: Blizzard
Rank: PackMember
Mate: Snowpaws
Pups: N/A
Pic:

Username: ChickenRadio

Name: Stonepaws
Age: 3
Gender: male
Pack: Blizzard pack
Rank: packmember
Mate: Icestorm
Pups: none
Pic:

Username: ChicknsRock

Name: Blue
Age: 1 year
Gender: Male
Pack: Snow Pack
Rank: Alpha Male
Mate: Alpha Female/Luna
Pups: are Loners
Pic:

Username: roostersandhens




Name: Blizzard
Pack: Snow
Gender: Female
Rank: Alpha Female
Age: 2 1/2 years
Mate: Alpha Male of Snow
Pups: __________
Picture:

Username: roostersandhens

Overall, this RP needs some work. You've got a start, but it needs to be developed. It is almost identical to three or four other existing Wolf RPs, and like I said, the problem with that is that the others get ignored, and it causes lots of unnecessary disappointment and hurt feelings. This could turn out to be a very nice RP, but it needs to be different from the others.

 

[OwlLover]

ChicknsRock, I think your best bet is adding in a more interesting plot with a bigger problem, like maybe human hunters/builders? However, we already have wolf RPs here, andI think it would be even better if we had more for other animals. Foxes, dolphins, all of those guys that get ignored.
I've seen WAY more similar RPs to RWTP (seriously, the intro is even the same), but I believe we do have WAAAAY to many wolf games.

My point exactly. But, it shouldn't even be a similar species (e.g. owl flocks and hawk flocks. Lame, I know, but this is just an example). It's not okay to just go "This RP is different because we have owls instead of hawks". No. It doesn't work that way. If the species is still very similar, the RPs will still be almost the same.

I'm going to say this here. The reason that WingClan (some of you might not know of it, but it was the first RP here, I'm pretty sure), Run With The Pack (when it came out a year ago), and (DON'T mistake this for bragging; I'm not, and there's no point to bragging, anyway) the Battle of the Empires are/were so successful is because they were UNIQUE when they were made. They weren't a carbon copy of another RP, with a few words switched around. There were probably a few other factors, of course, but that's one of the main reasons. If you want to have a successful RP, it shouldn't just copy another; RPs aren't very interesting when there's five others with the same subject and/or plot. Make it unique!

 

[miss heny]

Yup!

 

[iluvorpingtons]

Is it OK if someone critiques OLD Run With the Pack? I know Owl redid some of the rules and stuff so it sounded better. https://www.backyardchickens.com/t/...-rp-completely-restarted-members-needed-badly
Just curious to see what you think of it.

 

[Zinnia-Hen]

Quote: / claps