This really, really sucks. (Rant on my rapidly failing health)

[Tanichca]

Two years ago, I had a bad pain in my left wrist that just wouldn't go away. Over the next few months, it spread everywhere else. About three months ago, I was diagnosed with type 3 Ehlers danlos syndrome. My joint don't hold my bones together, which causes extreme chronic pain. Well, that took away my dream of becoming an air force pilot. So I put my trust in God, and kept on moving.

Two months ago, I had a horrible pain in my chest coupled with shortness of breath and a bad headache. That turned out to be dysautonomia caused by a sublexed (semi-dislocated) set of ribs. Basically, my heart is weak and has to work double-time to get my blood flowing. So now, I'm pretty short on breath all the time and have some wicked dizzy spells. Well, I thought, that puts a damper on me going to Fransiscan university and eventually to Austria for college, and, because dysautonomia affects internal (especially reproductive) organs, getting married might be a bad idea. Again, I put my trust in God and moved on.

A week ago, I had a pain in my lower back that was so extreme that I couldn't even move. If I had to walk, I was bent double and took shuffling steps. Not even large amounts of painkillers took it away. Thankfully, it was only around for roughly 24 hour before I slept it off, but it turned out to be a sublexed spine. Which can
(and often does) eventually become so bad that the sufferer becomes paralyzed at young ages. I know an 18 year-old who's in a wheelchair because of it, which is very scary for me. That might make it hard for me to be a psychiatrist.

On wednesday, I got braces. Yesterday, a massive pain in my upper jaw (also resistant to painkillers) struck me down all day. Which looks like it's TMJ (temporomandibular joint disorder) and it's going to make it very hard for me to keep braces on for the two to three years that I'll need them.

Right now, it just feels like everything I've wanted to do with my life has gone down the drain, and the fact that every few months a new type of pain appears isn't helping at all. It's getting really hard for me to do anything, and I struggle to still be able to trust in God and my faith. I don't understand why I'm stuck with this, I have so much that I could do, and now I'm looking at a near future of wheelchairs, heart problems, and dependance. I'm still a teenager! I should be out having fun with my friends, running and playing sports, dating, enjoying life, and I'm stuck taking medications and gloomily thinking about the future while enduring massive pain. I don't understand!!!

Prayer would be really, really appreciated right now. Thanks for listening to me rant, everyone.

 

[JulieNKC]

Sounds like you are having a rough time. Sorry, and hope all goes well. Don't give up on all your dreams, maybe all this is pointing you towards some fantastic wonderful life you've always dreamed of. Just have to hang in there and have faith and wait.

 

[Chickenfan4life]

I am sorry. I will remember you in my prayers. *HUGS*

 

[chickenneighbor]

Prayers and positive energy heading your way. You know there are some decent online schools now that might help you towards your dreams, and you work at your own pace. Most of all, don't give up hope; it's one of God's greatest gifts. Rant all you want and release that negative energy, and don't be afraid to ask for help if you need it. One thing this great website teaches us is that we're in this together, to help each other. And when all else fails, look at pictures of silkies or Stan the Man to lift your spirits!

 

[bargain]

Hugs and prayer to you. I can emphathise with you. It is hard when it seems like our lives have such changes, isn't it? But I know it may sound trite, but My dear Sainted Granny, used to say Count your blessings, when I would moan about anything.... I didn't really understand what she was talking about then but I do now... I'm trying to learn to focus on what I have and not what I'm loosing and then focus on something I really like to do. I think we all go through times where we say God, what is happening in my life. What can I do? or even Why me. I'm trying to now just focus on "God who are you trying to bless out of this". I don't know if you have heard the contemporary song "blessings"..... with all the what if questions in it. I can say I cry when I hear it because it has been as if the writer pulled the words out of my life. of many of our lives..... If you have a chance please go listen to her music. It's Laura Story's song. Her lyrics are on the page

Our household will be in prayer for you. For comfort, peace, grace and that all who surround you will be able to give you encouragements and wonderful care!

 

[turney31]

Prayers!

 

[bluesub]

gentle hug for you Tani! Are all these things related to your original diagnosis? Can they do something to help your heart pump more efficiently?

 

[leadwolf1]

Hugs and prayers heading your way!

 

[goobhen]

Sometimes life hands us a new plate, you may just need to re-adjust your plans, you can still do things, you just have to modify them!! Prayers are being said for you, may God keep you in His safe loving arms! hugs, Theresa

 

[CityGirlintheCountry]

A chronic illness can just suck the hope right out of you. It wears you down. I understand. I was diagnosed with Crohns at age 21 and have been fighting it, the side effects, the drugs and the drug side effects ever since. About the time you think it has settled into something you can handle it all changes again and there is something new to deal with. It completely and totally stinks.

The good news is that you don't have to give up your dreams. You just have to get really creative to find a way to accomplish them. You can still be a psychiatrist. The wheelchair doesn't affect your intelligence or your empathy. Truthfully, I would rather see a doctor or psychatrist that has had to struggle themselves than someone who has led a golden life. You learn through struggles. Why would I want to listen to someone who has never had to struggle too?

Many classes are being offered online now. That will help you make it through school. All universities have disable student services and they will help you with whatever it is you need to be successful. There is no reason that you can't graduate with whatever degree you would like.

The hardest part for me has been learning to let God's plan happen. You build up all these plans in your head and it is really hard sometimes to acknowledge that perhaps those aren't the plans that God has for you. I will say that when I have finally let go (usually with a great deal of kicking and screaming) and moved on to what is God's plan for me, it works out better in the end. It is just hard when you are in the middle of it all to see that.

Keep the hope, Tanicha. Do hold onto the thought that God doesn't give us more than we can bear. Ask for help when you need it. Letting others help you can be a blessing to you and the other person. Figure out what you really truly want in life, pray about it and then figure out how to make it happen. While you body might have betrayed you, your brain is still in there. Your brain will triumph over your body's limitations every time.