Tough love is really tough, it hurts (him too now)

[SourRoses]

Ditto!
Yeah.. I always remember now when I see a cute baby animal.. the discovery channels voice saying how its natures way of prompting nuturing feelings in the parent.. and then I always wondered about those not-so-cute baby animals

... must be what their parents like to see though!!!
Now that you mention it, I wonder if its also something in the recently fully grown (hehe.. wasn't gonna use the word mature there!) brain... that prompts that kind of behaviour... after all, we do see how much recently adult people calm down when they are living on their own (maybe parents dont see it until there are grandkids?)... its an anti-parent switch!

 

[cafarmgirl]

Quote:
I think that is all part of this tantrum he's throwing. He's not getting the support he expected from people when he tells them how bad/horrible/mean you are so he's going to keep going down the line to see if he can find somebody, anybody, who will agree that you are terrible! He doesn't want to believe that he could possibly be wrong! Eventually reality, and hopefully some maturity, will catch up to him and maybe someday he can once again appreciate his mom. Hard, very hard, be tough and hang in there.

 

[WriterofWords]

I was shocked he supported me, but very glad. Steven has to reach some conclusions on his own, and see what the results of his actions are, and how different it is not living at home. He's resourceful, if goes back to how he was he can make it.

 

[I have WHAT in my yard?]

The funny thing is we wer talking about this the other day - why do teenagers go through that phase where they swear they know everything! They are dead certain they know everything and you don't know anything. I actually remember very clearly wondering how my parents had managed for all those years without me to help them! Oh, the arrogance!

But, I think like their horrible behavior - if they did not have that sense of invincibility they would be too afraid to leave the nest. If they weren't so horrible to us we would never give them the boot they need. It has to be basic biology.

I know other families that have it easier and I wonder about that and how it happens smoothly for some and so painfully for others. Sometimes I think the ones that are the closest ones are where it is most painful. But, I am not sure why.





My niece - now 20 - apologized to me the other day. She apologized repeatedly to her mother over the last few months......

 

[WriterofWords]

I think it hurts more the closer you are because you have the bond, the trust, the love, that has built up over years so you can't understand why this has happened. It's like a dog you have for years, and you love them and play with them, and scratch them, and the suddenly with no warning you kick them! The shock on their faces because they don't understand describes exactly how I feel.
If anyone had told me last April I would be suggesting my son live elsewhere I would have gotten mad at them.

 

[Elite Silkies]

We made our 20 yr old and his 18 yr old girlfriend fly the coop Saturday. It was ugly and awful, and they did not leave quitely, but we as parents have to push them out of the nest at some point. He of course is telling everyone how sorry we are for kicking them out, but they both lie constantly and his girlfriend is a thief and I just couldn't do it anymore.

It's going to be rough for awhile for you, adjusting to being alone, adjusting to the change and listening to everyone that he is talking to, but kuddo's to the DAD for defending you. That is the least he could do, since he didn't feel the need to help you raise a child that should have also been his responsibility.

Hang in there, he'll fly and then he'll thank you later!

 

[I have WHAT in my yard?]

Quote:
Y'know Kate, I have been listening to you talk about this boy for a long while now. And I know how you have handled every bump in the road. You are a good mom.

He'll go ahead and be stupid for now and hopefully he won't do himself any permanent harm. But, you've done a good job and he's got a solid foundation under there somewhere and he'll come around. He's still a good kid under the misery. The only thing worse than raising a teen - is being one......

He'll be a god man one day.

 

[WriterofWords]

Thank you so much.