VERY upset. Need a shoulder.

[Birch Run Farm]

Hey take a breath, I know, easier said than done but, you are after all in Vermont. Pretty low crime rate here. I work for DPS as one of your forensic analysts. Vermont is a very polite place compared to where I have been. I have also found neighbors are pretty good to each other. If you don't already have a good neighbor network get out and meet locals before your husband deploys. After all, he's not the only one going. There will be many families with out a spouse, father, mother.... I think people will be happy to help you out and support you in any way needed.

I'm near Montpelier and run my own farm, no spouse, no help. I can lend a shoulder if you need. I was in the Army reserves a long time ago, it is a noble cause though I know you feel cheated and unappreciated. BTW- I am quite familiar with firearms as I was also a cop for 20 years plus I hunt so if you need some instruction and confidence I am happy to help. I am female too.

I think the main thing you need is some confidence, you can do it! Get some help to move snow and manage your firewood and you will be set for winter. The neighbor network is the big thing to organize. Got a Facebook? Feel free to chat with me anytime.

 

[cat]

Very good advice from everyone, see how you are never really alone?

My advice as a mum and army wife of 21 years is, if you can afford it get him a dictaphone. Tell him when he has some down time to record a story for the children and send a tape home every few weeks. It meant the world to my children when we would snuggle up at bedtime and they would hear daddy read them a chapter of a book or make up a story for them. If he is not a natural story teller you could always give him a paperback he could read them. To be honest he could probably read the phonebook, you will all just love to hear his voice.


Even though it is really tough, try to be positive when he calls home. Its really tempting to unload on your other half, and ordinarily they should shoulder the burdens with you, but while he is away we want him to stay focused on being safe and coming home, so just this once put on a show if need be, then find a good girlfriend you can have a cry with later.

I know it all seems impossible and the first few weeks can be just as bad as it gets, but you will get through this. Each time you hit a wall and find a way through it you will grow in strength and confidence, until before long you will have your own routine.

You can do this, I promise you can - just put one foot in front of the other and keep going, it will pass, it will end and it does get easier.

 

[cmjust0]

chickensducks&agoose :

Plus, I am a little bit anxious in general, being the only adult in my rural house in the dark makes me paranoid and scared. last time he was gone for a long time, I spent an inordinate amount of time sitting in the dark on my stairs with my pistol... just waiting.

There's no more dangerous animal in the world than the human animal. In town, you're surrounded by them. Out in the sticks, they're much fewer and futher between, which means you're actually a lot safer. Simply put, fewer people means fewer dangerous people, which means less danger. Might not seem like it when you're out there alone with the coyotes and deer, but even the wildlife knows it's true....which is why they live out there where you do!

Seriously.....just think about it.

 

[ninny]

Quote:
I've heard that a lot too. My two bichons were a breeze to house train though.

 

[Sonoran Silkies]

Quote:
I think, animal lover or not, he would want his family to be safe. Look into German Shepard rescue, Great Pyr rescue & Rottie rescue. Finding the right one would help your home be safer and be a wonderful guard for your family. If my husband was going to be gone for an extended time, whether he liked animals or not would be of no consideration for my and my families safety and feeling of security.

Also, please thank him from myself and my family for his service. And I thank you and your family for the sacrifice that you and going to be living with him being gone for the next year.

BTW, you may find that he might develop a bond/relationship with a good well behaved protective dog, which is there for his family when he could not be. God Bless your family.

I absolutely agree. It may be that you will choose to give the dog to someone in a similar situation to yours once your husband returns, but acquiring one who is already trained now will increase your feelings of security.

Another person mentioned that you are an example to your kids, and that is very much true. If they sense that you are afraid and insecure, they will be also, and probably more so than you are. You are imaging real threats (regardless of how likely they may or may not be); your kids are unlikely to have real concepts of threats, and their imaginations will embellish and expand until they have creating a image in their minds that is far more frightening than any realistic fear could create.

How close are your nearest neighbors? Build a relationship with them.

Install a security system that when turned ON will be triggered by any window or door that is opened; it does not have to be monitored to be effective. Flashing lights and blaring horns are a large deterrant. Post a reasonable number of signs (definitely don't over do this) stating that security is provided by--and make up a name that fits such as "Adams Security & Alarm" or some-such. I used to know some people that put up signs saying "No Trespassing--Posted by Warden" Their last name was Warden.

Take self defense courses, and keep taking them until you are confident in your ability to protect yourself and your kids.

 

[chickensducks&agoose]

I'm going to look into the security thing.. i saw an offer for military families, you'd pay for the installation, and they'd give you 6 months of free monitoring if your spouse was deployed overseas.. but I don't know if they take people who live in the sticks like I do.. the response time is just SO bad. On another note, my husband seems to be spending every spare second that he could be spending with us, and doing home repairs instead. Hello? We've lived without an ice maker for the past 6 years.. and we need one NOW? That radiator that has been broken for 2 years needs to be fixed NOW? We've got 2 weeks left, (15 days ish), he should be spending his time enjoying the kids, and ME!!! but no. He's growling at me to clean 24/7, and has TRASHED the house with plumbing supplies, spackle, paint, packaging junk and sawdust... not to mention all the rags I now need to wash, and the fact that he used my dirty laundry basket as a bucket to catch water from the sink drain... now all the clothes are dirty (still) and WET... YEESH. Maybe it's some sort of natural reaction, to be as annoying as possible so I will miss him less.... This morning, if I could've, I would've mailed him to afghanistan myself... but I know that when I stop wanting to whack him, I'll be sad again...

 

[Boyd]

chickensducks&agoose :

I'm going to look into the security thing.. i saw an offer for military families, you'd pay for the installation, and they'd give you 6 months of free monitoring if your spouse was deployed overseas.. but I don't know if they take people who live in the sticks like I do.. the response time is just SO bad. On another note, my husband seems to be spending every spare second that he could be spending with us, and doing home repairs instead. Hello? We've lived without an ice maker for the past 6 years.. and we need one NOW? That radiator that has been broken for 2 years needs to be fixed NOW? We've got 2 weeks left, (15 days ish), he should be spending his time enjoying the kids, and ME!!! but no. He's growling at me to clean 24/7, and has TRASHED the house with plumbing supplies, spackle, paint, packaging junk and sawdust... not to mention all the rags I now need to wash, and the fact that he used my dirty laundry basket as a bucket to catch water from the sink drain... now all the clothes are dirty (still) and WET... YEESH. Maybe it's some sort of natural reaction, to be as annoying as possible so I will miss him less.... This morning, if I could've, I would've mailed him to afghanistan myself... but I know that when I stop wanting to whack him, I'll be sad again...

Women nest, men putter. He's just feeling guilty about all the home improvement stuff that's been gnawing on the back of his mind for the past couple of years and wants to get it all setup for you so when he's gone he can rest easy in his mind that the house isn't going to fall apart on you while he's away. Give him lots of hugs and if you have to help him to spend time with him, it'll put his mind at ease

 

[AngieChick]

Boyd is right, he's just worried about setting you up before he goes. He's fussing over you, guy style.