OK, here is a few more................
Why did the T. rex cross the road? Because chickens hadn't evolved yet!
What's the first thing Adam said to Eve? "Stand back, I don't know how long this thing gets!"
A health inspector is inspecting a greasy spoon. As he's walking through the kitchen, he sees the cook putting ground beef under his armpits, making burger patties. The inspector turns to the owner and says "That's disgusting!" The owner replies, "That's nothing! You should see how he makes donuts!"
An Irishman who had been stranded on a deserted island for over 10 years saw a speck on the horizon. He thought to himself, "It's certainly not a ship." As the speck got closer and closer, he began to rule out even the possibilities of a small boat or a raft. Suddenly, there strode from the surf a figure clad in a black wet suit. Putting aside the scuba tanks and mask and zipping down the top of her wet suit, there stood a drop-dead gorgeous blonde! She walked up to the stunned Irishman and said, "Tell me, how long has it been since you've had a good cigar?" "Ten years," replied the amazed Irishman. With that, she unzipped a waterproof pocket on the left sleeve of her wet suit and pulled out a fresh package of cigars and a lighter. He took a cigar, slowly lit it, and took a long drag. "Faith and begorrah," said the castaway, "that is so good! I'd almost forgotten how great a smoke can be!" "And how long has it been since you've had a drop of good Irish Whiskey?" asked the blonde. Trembling, the castaway replied, "Ten years." Hearing that, the blonde unzipped a pocket on her right sleve and removed a flask and handed it to him. He opened the flask and took a long drink. "'Tis nectar of the gods!" shouted the Irishman. "Truly fantastic!" At this point the gorgeous blonde started to slowly unzip the long front of her wet suit, right down the middle. She looked at the trembling man and asked, "And how long has it been since you played around?" With tears in his eyes, the Irishman fell to his knees and sobbed, "Jesus, Mary and Joseph! Don't tell me you've got a set of golf clubs in there too!"
Why are blonde jokes only one line? So brunettes can understand them.
Touche Y'all !
This one is not for the kiddos :
A young couple wanted to join a new church. The pastor told them, "We have a special requirement for new member couples. You must abstain from sex for one whole month." The couple agreed and after two-and-a-half weeks returned to the church. When the pastor ushered them into his office, the wife was crying and the husband was obviously very depressed. "You are back so soon ... is there a problem?" the pastor inquired. "We are terribly ashamed to admit that we did not manage to abstain from sex for the required month," the young man replied sadly. The pastor asked him what happened. "Well, the first week was difficult ... however, we managed to abstain through sheer willpower." "The second week was terrible, but with the use of prayer, we managed to abstain." "However, the third week was unbearable. We tried cold showers, prayer, reading from the Bible — anything to keep our minds off carnal thoughts." "One afternoon, my wife reached for a can of paint and dropped it. When she bent over to pick it up, I was overcome with lust and I just had my way with her right then and there. It was lustful, loud, passionate sex. It lasted for over an hour and when we were done we were both drenched in sweat," admitted the man, shamefacedly. The pastor lowered his head and said sternly, "You understand this means you will not be welcome in our church." "We know," said the young man, hanging his head, "We're not welcome at Home Depot anymore either."
This one is not for the kiddos :
