Hmm, I'm not sure why you do it either, if it causes you so much distress. I wouldn't do it under those circumstances. To me, they are all just "meat", or the critters that give me eggs (they are meat if they DON'T give me eggs!). I get angry if I lose one to predation or sickness, but that's it.Chickens cause so much anxiety and sadness for me when all is said and done that I really don't know why I do it. My heart goes out to everyone who has lost chickens recently.
MY heart goes out to those who've lost a child, a parent or sibling. I just can't equate chickens with people.