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Glad it is not just me and my DH - I feel like such a cold B#$%& when I write such things, but it also really angers me when I'm working around here, he leaves his stuff lying about everywhere and plays games when he knows I can use some help.
He sounds like he is dealing with depression, or just plain avoiding his life. I do know that it is a pain to have a husband that is checked out from participating in his families daily life. My DH didn't figure things out until the kids left home, and we all told him to butt out. Things are much better now between DH and the kids.
He has OCD and is somewhat bipolar. He also did not get along with his family. That should have been a BIG warning sign. He especially dislikes his parents. He has one story of his youth, his sisters tell me something entirely different - same situation, two entirely different interpretations. When we married, he did not invite his parents, but he did invite his sisters. 2 years later my dad died and I told him he had 1 year to make peace with his parents or I would leave. I grew up without grandparents, the few relatives I did have lived overseas. I always felt sad when I'd go to friends and they had grandparents and relatives visiting. I wanted my kids to know theirs. On the 1 year anniversary of my fathers death, we drove down to Texas to visit his parents. We visited every other year or so after that. Don does not say much. His father was ill for years. He died earlier this year. We did not visit and that made me upset. The family decided not to hold a funeral for him.
DH always told me his father never interacted with him except to dicipline him. I thought since he'd recognized this he would make an effort with his own kids. He does not. He THINKS he does. He yells at Alex a lot and has little patience with Olivia, he shouts at her to be quiet when she sings and often shuts his door when she practices her harp rather than stop his games so all the sound effects are not so distracting. He's proud of the fact that he thinks to shut the door so as not to disturb her! I don't play any instrument, and can't read music; i'm learning a little. Don used to play the Contra Bassoon for the St. Cloud Symphony Orchestra. I was hoping he'd be a little more involved helping when she is stuck. She gets frustrated when she has both Bass Clef and Treble Clef notes to play at the same time , trying to read 2 rows of music and mover her hands differently. He does not really talk to her, he only tells her she has to keep practicing to learn. Sometimes I really feel he resents her, thinking of her as his sisters whom he did not get along with when he was a kid.
