Well,, Steven hit his terrible two's finally, and his teen angst,,

[redhen]

Sometimes if you reverse tactics and just smile and say something like..
"you do what you want honey. I still love ya, and i always will, you know that. I just want the best for you... but its ALL your choice! After all, you ARE an adult now..."
and you just smile and walk away..dont nag (not that you do!)..dont give advice..(unless he asks for it)..
sometimes a reverse of your mothering (taking care of him...) behavior shocks them back into some kind sense...
like..uh ooh, whats wrong with my mom? lol

 

[WriterofWords]

Quote:
Yeah that. THe first summer I moved back in with my mom after a year of living on my own at college.....um yeah. Didn't go so well. I worked a lot to compensate - so I wouldn't be at home as much.

The next summer I just didn't come back. I got an apartment with now-DH.
It wasn't a mistake or the end of the world, in fact just 2 years later we became homeowners ourselves, so I don't see any problem with your son moving out

He's 18 he can move out if he wants to.

Tala if it was a case of he was 18, employed full time and not still in high school I wouldn't have a problem with it.

 

[Tala]

Quote:
Yeah that. THe first summer I moved back in with my mom after a year of living on my own at college.....um yeah. Didn't go so well. I worked a lot to compensate - so I wouldn't be at home as much.

The next summer I just didn't come back. I got an apartment with now-DH.
It wasn't a mistake or the end of the world, in fact just 2 years later we became homeowners ourselves, so I don't see any problem with your son moving out

He's 18 he can move out if he wants to.

Tala if it was a case of he was 18, employed full time and not still in high school I wouldn't have a problem with it.

I thought you said in the OP that he was 18 and in basic training. Guess I missed something.

 

[AngieChick]

Hi Kate, I don't envy you the heartbreak that your son is putting you through. And, I believe that being respectful and maintaining good relationships with your loved ones is part of being the adult he is trying to be. I didn't read through all of the responses, so forgive me if this has been said before. But, I have a few friends who are experiencing this same thing with their soon to leave the nest children. It's as if the only way that they can process leaving home and come to grips with growing up is by demonizing their parent(s). It's the child's way of separating from their parent and making the separation okay.

I know that it doesn't help your current situation, but know that the mean things that he may be saying right now are not how he will remember his childhood and the amazing job you did raising him. This is a blip, a natural crazy frustrating tear jerking blip, but it will pass. Though if I remember my own pass through this stage, it did take a few years. I am very close to my parents now, we just don't talk about that time if we can help it

--Angie

 

[WriterofWords]

Quote:
Tala if it was a case of he was 18, employed full time and not still in high school I wouldn't have a problem with it.

I thought you said in the OP that he was 18 and in basic training. Guess I missed something.

He did the split option, did basic training in between his jr and sr high school years, will do AIT after graduation and the go to college. He is a senior this year.

 

[sfw2]

I'm the mother of a 23 year old son, as well as 19 year old and 16 year old daughters. I think you're doing the right thing by taking a step back. Steven will, eventually, realize that his friend is an idiot, and you are not. He may never say that out loud, but . . .

And

 

[WriterofWords]

Thank you, I'm pretty much distancing myself from him right now, I just have too much stress and turmoil going on in other areas to deal with him. Hopefully he'll come to his senses, if not I hope he makes it and doesn't derail his future.