what and how should I say it?


In the Brooder
11 Years
Jul 24, 2008
Pampa, Texas
Ok folks I've got a little bit of a family problem. But let be take you bake a little ways so you get a clearer picture. At the age of 7 my father who had custody of me remarried a woman how didnt like me that much. She said she did but her actions said she didn't. Anyway growing up she and I didn't get along and my dad was always in the middle. This woman is a different breed of person, she's one of those people who will lie a little lie just to make her self seem better than what she is and she've very sneaky. Over the many years we have butted heads, because I for some reason am a emotional and loving mother and wife and I show it. I'm always telling my babies how much I love them ect. Well both my dad and his wife are not that way never were never will although they can joke and so forth I mean dont think that they are just rude miserable people, it's just that they dont really show emotion, or pride in people, now they will for thier animals. Ok back to the point. This woman has even gone as far as lying to me about where my 5 year old was. Once I let my 5 y/o ds go and spend the night, the next day was a sunday and we went to church, we're Catholic, and afte,r I called her cell phone to see if he was ready to come home, and she said "Well Im heading home and I'll be there in about 10 min. but Luke is at home with your dad. So I hang up the phone and start driving to there house. When I get there, only my dad is there and I ask him where Luke is and he says oh he went with your momma to church and sunday school(Non Catholic). Oh I said. Then I said well thats funny cause she said that he was here with you. Well just as I had gone inside to sit down and wait here they came, not a word was said by her, Luke with his coloring page in tow. So I gathered up his things and we said bye. All the way home I was fuming! I told dH and he just shook his head. The next day my dad calls me appologizing for her lie and told me that she wouldn't do it again she was just scared I would get mad that she took him to a non catholic church. How Stupid! Ok so the most recent problem Im having with her is this. When our baby girl was gorn we named her Delaney. They came to see her at the hospitol and she asked the retarded question. "Well if her name is Delaney are ya'll gonna call her Laney for short? And we politely said no. Well here lately every time she's around my lil girl she's calling her Laney. Not Delaney. I mean c'mon it's not like it's a really long name. Over and over, Laney....Laney. I wanted to puke! I don't know what to say with out it sounding very mean because thats all I have in me when I think about how disrepspectful it is to call my baby a name we didn't choose. Ok now I could see it if it was a nick name like punkin or sugar. My dh says If I dont say something he will and I really don't want to have a big mess. What should I say? Sorry I wrote a book.
Well I named my son Andrew and when someone would call him Andy I would just say, sorry but his name is not Andy it is Andrew thank you for using his proper name. I said this with all respect. He would tell them when he was old enough to talk, my name is Andrew not Andy.

On the other hand my daughter and her hubby named my grandson Arcimedis and they call him Arc well I call him by his given name when they asked me why I tell them if they wanted me to call him Arc they should of named him Arc. They laugh and think it is fine but if they really had a problem with it then I would call him Arc

Edited to give my advice, Just tell her I am sorry but we are using her full name not a nickname please respect that.
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I'd say let it go. Don't think it really has anything to do with what she calls your daughter, but more to do with the history between you two. I'd ask myself if she was your birth mom calling your daughter by a nickname would it still upset you?
Let her call the baby whatever she wants, but you use her correct name all the time. If you use the name she is sticking on the kid, everyone else will.

Make sure your father uses the correct name, correct his usage, but not her's. Just ignore her.

I knew a fellow that was called "Baby John" his whole life. It just stuck because nobody corrected people when they used that name.

I agree with rufus & Katy. I think the bigger pictures is that you should find a way to be thankful that you have someone that's willing to do things with her grand-baby in your life. So many folks are not that fortunate.
I know what you are going through. I firmly believe in calling a child by its given name, not a nickname unless approved by a parent. I hate my name shortened and refuse to answer to it as an adult. When my daughter, Destiny was born neither Mom liked it. They thought I was mean by naming her that. One called her "Babe" and the other called her "D". We just continued to call her by her given name and when she was old enough she corrected them herself. Now that she is 19, she will let select people call her Des, but most of the time she will tell exactly what her given name is!
New-fangled names are always going to be a problem for the kids who get them. I'm sure your daughter will get called Laney at times all throughout her life.

It could be worse - the woman could be calling her "Delly", short for Delaney...
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We are not nickname people. Thus, we have one syllable names!
Well, most of us, our son's name is Bradley. My husband and I do NOT call him Brad, just Bradley. When people asked us if we would call him Brad, we said no. He too has always wanted to be called Bradley. In the past he has been upset when people call him Brad. We have always told him to say, "I like to be called Bradley". We do have a couple of family members that insist on calling him Brad. We have just ignored it. If later he chooses to be called Brad, then DH and I will call him that.

I might just say lightly, that we call her Delaney, but I wouldn't make a big issue of it. If it really bothers her someday, maybe she will tell them and it might have a bigger impact.

Hope this helps!!!!
We have a Joseph (my oldest son), people automatically assumed it would be shortened to "Joe" or "Joey". Nope! Especially when he got older he made it very clear what his name was. I imagine your daughter will too.
I'd let it go. If she has genuine affection for your daughter, that is what is important.

I named my daughter Jessica and always called her Jesse, I named my son Jacob and we call him Jake. When we moved to NC, we experienced the 'proper name' thing. The schools refused to call them by their 'nicknames' ... even when they asked both me and them what they'd prefer ... they STILL use their proper names. Really no biggie.

My daughter's husband now calls her Jessica most of the time, Jess occasionally. They have a little daughter named Elisabeth and can't agree on a nickname. Often they call her 'Lillibet' but I've taken to calling her 'Elisabeth' ... no one cares. She is a special little girl and I've so tickled to be her 'Grammy.' That's what matters.

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