what and how should I say it?

[WoodlandWoman]

It sounds like the bigger picture is that your stepmother doesn't treat you with respect.

How you raise your children is your decision and she should respect that. She already asked you about your child's name and you very nicely let her know what you had decided. She chose to ignore that. It sounds like she has a history of this type of behavior with you. If so, I can see where you would be sensitive to it.

Some people are so fixated on themselves, that what they think and want is the only thing that's important. Other peoples rights and feelings just get trampled along the way.

I have no advice for you, but you have my sympathy. You can try talking to her, but if she chooses to do as she pleases, your only recourse is to ignore it or put your relationships with both her and your father at risk. Sometimes, just realizing what the problem is with a particular person, can help you recognize your hot buttons with them and help you tolerate the person, even if you can't change them or the situation. :aww

 

[Bren1222]

Maybe she wants a special name that only she calls your daughter. I know that sounds silly but when I was young my dad called me George. (real name is Brenda) I would answer to it all the time and actually liked it. Then one day my mom took me to my dad's work and he called me "George" After we left the guy he was working with asked him if my real name was really George. From that time on my dad never called me that again.

I kind of miss it. It was a special little nickname that nobody else but him called me. Now that I am grown every once in awhile he will call me George but not often.

If she loves your children and is willing to spend wonderful time with them then I wouldn't worry about it. I really feel like I missed something special because I never really spent any good time with my grandparents or had a close special bond with them.

Cherish and be thankful that your children have grandparents that want to be part of their lives.

I realize that maybe she wasn't the best mom to you but maybe she is trying to make up for that with your children. I think she didn't tell you that your son was with her because she was scared you would be upset with her. Not that it is a good reason to lie about it, but obviously there is alot more going on and that has gone on between you two.

Try and mend the bond and let the little things slide. It really isn't worth it. I had to do that with my MIL and FIL and now we are very close and I couldn't imagine not having them in my life. Yes, there are still things that bother me but my new saying in life is "Pick your battles" This doesn't seem like a big enough battle for the hurt it could cause.

 

[FloridaChickenChick]

I'm not certain there's enough information here to say that what the Stepmom is doing is done spitefully...in fact, I kind of feel sorry for her because of the church thing...I think on some level she's operating out of fear. Of course, there's not enough information to be certain of that, either.

I just think if it's possible to be kind that's the wisest course of action -- we're talking about family members here, not a next door neighbor or someone from school or something. This isn't a question of discipline...it's a grandmother's nickname for her granddaughter. Being kind does not mean being a doormat, but it might mean letting an unimportant argument go. Only the people involved can determine what's important and what's not...and yes, prayer is always a great idea!

Just because something is annoying doesn't mean it's wrong.

But look at it this way...if that's the top item on your worry list, you are one blessed woman indeed!

I hope this resolves itself quickly, to everyone's satisfaction.

 

[dixiechick]

I know what you mean...I have my grandmother misprounce my son's name since his birth (even after REPEATED corrections)...but now that I rethink it (after 10 years) I am giving her power....she knows it irritates me and she gives me this tongue-in-cheek, "oh, there I go again" look....I wish I'd not brought it up.

By not saying anything about it, she may give up the fight on the name thing (if she's picking one). Your child will let her know soon enough what she wants to be called...and if she doesn't, then it wasn't worth the fight.

As hard as it seems, try to take the high road and leave it (cause you'll win it that way)

Good Luck

 

[cjeanean]

I am such a big fan of nicknames! I absolutely love them, no matter what. My little brothers and sisters had so many nicknames it wasn't even funny, and personally, I think Laney is cute.

She may be doing it out of spite, or maybe because it's a two syllable nickname. That's what we always did, without even knowing it: nicknames were always two syllable. Or really long. My brother Michael was called "splucky" when we were little (don't ask why), Michael, or Mikey. The other names were longer, like "Baccoli (with an 'ah' where the A is, that was the way he said "broccoli") or Mickellini O'Flynn (off John Wayne's The Quiet Man). My sister Carolyn was called "willow" (another don't ask). The list goes on and on.

Now, my son is called by his full first name, Matthew, or something completely different, like Butt Nugget. I love it. Cute endearing nicknames portray love, and your daughter will grow up knowing her nickname as a word of love from her Grandma. That's what counts, that she feels loved.

Definately pray about it, cause it's possible that the problems you have with her are being let out through this nickname thing. If someone you loved and had no problems with, like hubby or sibling or someone, had mentioned it on the day you named her, you might not have said no. But since she asked, that might have been the reason you said not to call her that. I don't know, I'm just talking. Hope it works out!

 

[the1much]

i didnt read all the posts,,,but its an easy solution,,if she likes nicknames then make 1 up for her

and when she asks why, tell her, well i thought we were all on nickname bases now,,,that said, i would first ask her to use her REAL name if it bothers you that bad,, i had this problem with my oger-in-law,,but i really disliked her, and it was only an excuse for me to mouth her off.

 

[SGM]

I'm sorry you're so caught up in this.

I have, however dealt with the name issue myself. Our son is Matthew and we didn't want to call him Matt nor anyone to start that right off the bat. Well my inlaws tried it even though they knew we didn't want that. A quick, "His name is Matthew not Matt." Seemed to do the trick. Now we don't have that issue. It was more my DH's dealing with his mother and sister. I feel that is better than inlaws dealing with it, which is probably why your hubby doesn't seem to repond much. He probably doesn't feel its his place to gripe about your family.

Good luck whatever you do and we will definitely be hoping it works out well for you. We all know what its like with family no matter how complicated.

 

[The Chicken Lady]

Why don't you ask the child if she cares what she is called? If the child doesn't mind, is it really that big of a deal?

Your child can always go get a name changed at age 18... The name may be important to you, but it really isn't necessarily permanent for your child.

There are bigger problems to deal with than worry yourself over this.

 

[EweSheep]

Quote:
SNORT!!!!!!!!!!

I would LOVE to try that with my hubby's mother! (sorry, I dont call her my mother in law...I just despise her!)

 

[lengel]

My mother does this kind of thing all of the time. She even does it with herself. Each group of her grandchildren is required to call her something different and she calls them whatever she likes even if it's not how they are normally addressed. We don't have children so I'm spared this argument but I don't think it does any harm as all of my nieces and nephews see right through it.