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She always says it best...
She always says it best...
What did you all do about your dissaproving DH?
- Thread starter sangel4you
- Start date
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Shes good too!
Shes good too!
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Divorce would be preferable to living with someone who thinks he has a God-given right to have the final say over my decisions. Heck no! If that is what marriage is supposed to be, then no wonder over half of them fail. People require personal freedom; without it, we wither and die. Wars have been fought over this.
I think i LOVE you!
NO human being (man or woman) should control their spouse. Because thats what it REALLY is...control/abuse issues..
Divorce would be preferable to living with someone who thinks he has a God-given right to have the final say over my decisions. Heck no! If that is what marriage is supposed to be, then no wonder over half of them fail. People require personal freedom; without it, we wither and die. Wars have been fought over this.
I think i LOVE you!
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AMEN!
What if your husband was wanting to get more of an animal you detested but he kept anyway... A vampire bat, or madagascar giant cockroach, tarantula or snake, or hairless rat, or a pit bull, a skunk, monkey, or a spitting llama? Not saying anything is wrong with any of those pets, but I don't equate getting an animal with a random $2 trinket purchase... It isn't about the money. I do think it is a decision both parties need to be involved in. If something was to happen to you, your spouse would be responsible for those pets.
I don't understand saying 'go do it anyway' because it is a live creature requiring care & upkeep, that will cohabitate the same property that your family shares. I wouldn't appreciate my husband 'going and doing it anyway' if he had a snake collection and they disgusted me (they don't, but I still wouldn't want a number of them at my house).
That being said, we generally support each other in what we want to do... He's talked me out of an animal or two over the years (he's usually the voice of reason) and I have put my foot down once or twice about something I felt was dangerous (non living power toys). Basically our conversations end up something like "I'm totally against it and think it is a bad idea for reasons a, b, & c, but if you HAVE to have it to be happy..." and the other concedes that it isn't worth the discontent.
To OP-if his main reasoning was that you have a vacation planned, I think you should go enjoy your vacation, and broach the subject about adding new chicks to your flock upon return... at least that is what I would do, making sure all his concerns are addressed.
I don't understand saying 'go do it anyway' because it is a live creature requiring care & upkeep, that will cohabitate the same property that your family shares. I wouldn't appreciate my husband 'going and doing it anyway' if he had a snake collection and they disgusted me (they don't, but I still wouldn't want a number of them at my house).
That being said, we generally support each other in what we want to do... He's talked me out of an animal or two over the years (he's usually the voice of reason) and I have put my foot down once or twice about something I felt was dangerous (non living power toys). Basically our conversations end up something like "I'm totally against it and think it is a bad idea for reasons a, b, & c, but if you HAVE to have it to be happy..." and the other concedes that it isn't worth the discontent.
To OP-if his main reasoning was that you have a vacation planned, I think you should go enjoy your vacation, and broach the subject about adding new chicks to your flock upon return... at least that is what I would do, making sure all his concerns are addressed.
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Why not? You are perfectly capable of building a coop. (And that's not "despite of" or "even though" you are a woman!) If you wanted the chickens in the first place, why would you not want to take ownership of building the coop? That is making the home for them. I understand wanting your husband's help on it. Sure, it's easier to have two sets of hands rather than one. But yes. You should have been out there using the power tools and hefting the wood. "Your place" is taking care of the things that are important to you, whether those things are inside the house, outside the house or under the house.
I totally understand Hikerchick's posts. Some women get married and use their husband as a substitute father. (And note that I said "some" and not "all". Many of you on here are strong independent women with lovely partnership marriages. I am envious of you for sure.) But this attitude of "Well I don't know. I'll have to ask if I can..." is horrifying. It's one thing to discuss all of the possible ramifications of adding another animal to the family. I think that is one of the reason's God created spouses. Two brains working on an idea are better than one and are more likely to think of all the potential problems down the line and more likely to figure out what will be best for the family unit. But to have the attitude that you must ask permission before you do anything toasts my hide. Are you not an adult? Did God not give you a functioning brain that He wants you to use? He did not create us to be floor mats.
People that throw around the "God says to be a submissive wife" thing are always really quick to forget the verses that come before that in the Bible. The man is commanded to love the wife MORE THAN he loves himself. He is commanded to love the wife as Christ loves the church, and that is a completely sacrificial love. HE is sacrificing first to the wife's needs (and perhaps wants). It is easy to submit if you the wife know that he is sacrificing for you first. But many of the families that tout the submissive wife rule completely forget the man's responsibility. It turns the husband into the dictator, not the husband.
You say your place is in the home and you don't need to be able to do all these things because your husband takes care of them. What happens when something happens to your husband? A large chunk of marriages end in divorce. A larger number of marriages (ummm, 100%) end in death. Statistically it is more likely that the man will die first. What are you going to do then? Panic? Fall completely apart and not be able to function independently? What kind of lesson is that for your kids? No matter how your family chooses to divide the chores, YOU need to know how to do all of it. You need to have a bank account with your name on it so that should something horrible happen you have access to money. Know how to use the debit card. Know how to pay the bills (and what bills you have). Know everything there is to know about your financial situation and how to deal with those elements. Know how to take care of basic stuff around the house. All those things your husband does now you need to know how to do. The same is true for him. HE needs to know how to do all the things you do. What if something happens to you? Do you really want him to be left incapable of living along or incapable of taking care of your kids? That is the height of irresponsibility.
Being "girly" is one thing. Celebrating your chosen roles in a relationship is fine. Everybody has things they are better at. That is what they should be doing within the relationship. My dad is an excellent cook. Mom? Not so much. Dad enjoyed the cooking and grocery shopping and so that's what he did. Mom hated it and was quite happy to let Dad take care of it. Mom did the bill paying. She was much better at money stuff than Dad and so she did the family budget. Now after almost 50 years of marriage they still hold these same roles. Back in February we had a scare when Dad was diagnosed with cancer. Things looked really bad for a while. All of a sudden Mom had to take care of all the chores. Could she do it? Sure. Did she want to? Not really. But she knows how to do it all. There were never any "girl" chores and "boy" chores in our family. There were chores that you were good at and chores that you just did because you needed to know how to do them. I am so grateful that my parents modeled this strength and independence for me.
You never know how your life will end up. I thought I'd follow the typical path and be married with a family. That hasn't happened due to things beyond my control. I have friends that thought they'd be married forever. Hasn't happened due to things beyond their control. Life happens and you must be a capable adult able to handle what comes at you. Does that mean you should be able to build a chicken coop? Yes. Being a girl does not excuse you from being able to take care of yourself and those things that you love.
Will you marry me!??
Awesome post!
Why not? You are perfectly capable of building a coop. (And that's not "despite of" or "even though" you are a woman!) If you wanted the chickens in the first place, why would you not want to take ownership of building the coop? That is making the home for them. I understand wanting your husband's help on it. Sure, it's easier to have two sets of hands rather than one. But yes. You should have been out there using the power tools and hefting the wood. "Your place" is taking care of the things that are important to you, whether those things are inside the house, outside the house or under the house.
I totally understand Hikerchick's posts. Some women get married and use their husband as a substitute father. (And note that I said "some" and not "all". Many of you on here are strong independent women with lovely partnership marriages. I am envious of you for sure.) But this attitude of "Well I don't know. I'll have to ask if I can..." is horrifying. It's one thing to discuss all of the possible ramifications of adding another animal to the family. I think that is one of the reason's God created spouses. Two brains working on an idea are better than one and are more likely to think of all the potential problems down the line and more likely to figure out what will be best for the family unit. But to have the attitude that you must ask permission before you do anything toasts my hide. Are you not an adult? Did God not give you a functioning brain that He wants you to use? He did not create us to be floor mats.
People that throw around the "God says to be a submissive wife" thing are always really quick to forget the verses that come before that in the Bible. The man is commanded to love the wife MORE THAN he loves himself. He is commanded to love the wife as Christ loves the church, and that is a completely sacrificial love. HE is sacrificing first to the wife's needs (and perhaps wants). It is easy to submit if you the wife know that he is sacrificing for you first. But many of the families that tout the submissive wife rule completely forget the man's responsibility. It turns the husband into the dictator, not the husband.
You say your place is in the home and you don't need to be able to do all these things because your husband takes care of them. What happens when something happens to your husband? A large chunk of marriages end in divorce. A larger number of marriages (ummm, 100%) end in death. Statistically it is more likely that the man will die first. What are you going to do then? Panic? Fall completely apart and not be able to function independently? What kind of lesson is that for your kids? No matter how your family chooses to divide the chores, YOU need to know how to do all of it. You need to have a bank account with your name on it so that should something horrible happen you have access to money. Know how to use the debit card. Know how to pay the bills (and what bills you have). Know everything there is to know about your financial situation and how to deal with those elements. Know how to take care of basic stuff around the house. All those things your husband does now you need to know how to do. The same is true for him. HE needs to know how to do all the things you do. What if something happens to you? Do you really want him to be left incapable of living along or incapable of taking care of your kids? That is the height of irresponsibility.
Being "girly" is one thing. Celebrating your chosen roles in a relationship is fine. Everybody has things they are better at. That is what they should be doing within the relationship. My dad is an excellent cook. Mom? Not so much. Dad enjoyed the cooking and grocery shopping and so that's what he did. Mom hated it and was quite happy to let Dad take care of it. Mom did the bill paying. She was much better at money stuff than Dad and so she did the family budget. Now after almost 50 years of marriage they still hold these same roles. Back in February we had a scare when Dad was diagnosed with cancer. Things looked really bad for a while. All of a sudden Mom had to take care of all the chores. Could she do it? Sure. Did she want to? Not really. But she knows how to do it all. There were never any "girl" chores and "boy" chores in our family. There were chores that you were good at and chores that you just did because you needed to know how to do them. I am so grateful that my parents modeled this strength and independence for me.
You never know how your life will end up. I thought I'd follow the typical path and be married with a family. That hasn't happened due to things beyond my control. I have friends that thought they'd be married forever. Hasn't happened due to things beyond their control. Life happens and you must be a capable adult able to handle what comes at you. Does that mean you should be able to build a chicken coop? Yes. Being a girl does not excuse you from being able to take care of yourself and those things that you love.
Will you marry me!??
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John Lennon once said that, Life is something that happens to you when you are busy making other plans.
John Lennon once said that, Life is something that happens to you when you are busy making other plans.
LA~Poulet :
That being said, we generally support each other in what we want to do... He's talked me out of an animal or two over the years (he's usually the voice of reason) and I have put my foot down once or twice about something I felt was dangerous (non living power toys). Basically our conversations end up something like "I'm totally against it and think it is a bad idea for reasons a, b, & c, but if you HAVE to have it to be happy..." and the other concedes that it isn't worth the discontent.
To OP-if his main reasoning was that you have a vacation planned, I think you should go enjoy your vacation, and broach the subject about adding new chicks to your flock upon return... at least that is what I would do, making sure all his concerns are addressed.
this is why i said do it anyways, 1 she already HAS chickens, really what is one more?2 it is Not for her, its for her son, and 3 he doesnt seem to have any good reasons, Except the vacation. personally, i wouldve just set the bird on the counter and then when he started to protest, it'd have been " wqait till we get HOME to discuss this like adults" Not in front of ds or cashiers.
he seems to be completely against the chickens and is making no effort to be anything but a jerk about it, she has to go visit the chickens, on her OTHER property when hes not home. even my DH thinks he s a jerk. i agree with the other lady who said there are deeper issues here than a chick. it was ONE chicken, not like 10. and as for creepy pets. my dh and dd wanted RATS of all things. i am in mortal fear that they will gang up on us and eat us if we are remotely unkind to them (i saw willard REAL young) but after thinking about it, i gave in... i said i would TRY it. i wasnt going to Clean Touch, Feed or in ANY way interact with them. for my family cuz I'M NOT a Jerk. and sometimes you sould try something new and make someone else happy. it really did make my heart smile to see the two of them playing with those nasty things. luckily they dont live long. (the rats)
That being said, we generally support each other in what we want to do... He's talked me out of an animal or two over the years (he's usually the voice of reason) and I have put my foot down once or twice about something I felt was dangerous (non living power toys). Basically our conversations end up something like "I'm totally against it and think it is a bad idea for reasons a, b, & c, but if you HAVE to have it to be happy..." and the other concedes that it isn't worth the discontent.
To OP-if his main reasoning was that you have a vacation planned, I think you should go enjoy your vacation, and broach the subject about adding new chicks to your flock upon return... at least that is what I would do, making sure all his concerns are addressed.
this is why i said do it anyways, 1 she already HAS chickens, really what is one more?2 it is Not for her, its for her son, and 3 he doesnt seem to have any good reasons, Except the vacation. personally, i wouldve just set the bird on the counter and then when he started to protest, it'd have been " wqait till we get HOME to discuss this like adults" Not in front of ds or cashiers.
he seems to be completely against the chickens and is making no effort to be anything but a jerk about it, she has to go visit the chickens, on her OTHER property when hes not home. even my DH thinks he s a jerk. i agree with the other lady who said there are deeper issues here than a chick. it was ONE chicken, not like 10. and as for creepy pets. my dh and dd wanted RATS of all things. i am in mortal fear that they will gang up on us and eat us if we are remotely unkind to them (i saw willard REAL young) but after thinking about it, i gave in... i said i would TRY it. i wasnt going to Clean Touch, Feed or in ANY way interact with them. for my family cuz I'M NOT a Jerk. and sometimes you sould try something new and make someone else happy. it really did make my heart smile to see the two of them playing with those nasty things. luckily they dont live long. (the rats)
It isn't about the money.
Exactly. It is about obligating SOMEONE ELSE to the care and feeding of another living creature.
Whether a wife brings home extra $2 chickens or a husband brings home a couple of free dogs, it is rude and inconsiderate to foist the responsibility and long-term obligation on someone else.
It isn't about the money, it is about teamwork, consideration, and respect.
Exactly. It is about obligating SOMEONE ELSE to the care and feeding of another living creature.
Whether a wife brings home extra $2 chickens or a husband brings home a couple of free dogs, it is rude and inconsiderate to foist the responsibility and long-term obligation on someone else.
It isn't about the money, it is about teamwork, consideration, and respect.
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kagedgoddess-I truly agree with you, seeing that they already have chickens, and it does sound like the husband is being a total arse about it, causing a scene in the store. I just think that as a rule, animals are about much more than their purchase price and more is likely going on.
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