What did you all do about your dissaproving DH?

[SunAngel]

If I were you, I would go get DS his BR (if they still have them). Mostly because its a great way to keep your DS interested in the chickens. But on the other hand, a husband should not tell his wife what she can and can't get, specially when its a cheap item. You may never get him interested in chickens, but he should still support your hobby!

I am always getting new animals of some sort, a chinchilla, bunnies, new puppies/kittens and now a turkey and pheasant. He usually just shakes his head at the new addition, but he never tells me no. My original 25 chicks last year has now turned into 70+ chickens and 10 ducks lol.

Hopefully your DH won't have a problem with you getting the pair of Ameraucanas from me.

 

[sangel4you]

SunAngel, those have been being planned on And besides...those are the ones HE wants bc he wants blue or green eggs! Lol I am hoping things go well tho because I got an unplanned roo a cpl weeks ago and he's a year old already so I'm hoping the two boys mesh well together with the 7 girls! Lol I hope to see some pics soon! They've got to be getting big!

Everyone else...
Thank you for your comments. DH and I have not been 100% solid in the last year and yes part of it could be due to that, however, I thought about it and it WAS best that I hold off due to the vacation thing because taking care of my chickens in the barn is one thing for someone to do, but to ask someone to put a week old chick in their house for a week is asking a lot IMO. So I'm glad he said no. I still hope they have them when I get back, however if not, I plan on continuing to look for one that is old enough to be outside. I think that was his other problem. He really didnt like the smell or noise in our room and unfortunantly thats the only room we could put them in when they were little. I asked him why he hated my chickens, and he was very adament that he never said that, and that indeed he does not hate them. They're just not his cup of tea. I think in a few weeks once we start getting eggs, he will feel a little more strongly about them. I have to say though, I'm really surprised this simple question turned into such a debate on the value and ethics of marriage... seems no matter where I post lately there are a LOT of VERY strong opinions... and EVERYTHING somehow gets turned around or into a debate of some sort. I dont remember the boards beign so straightforward and hostile 4 months ago....idk maybe I was just looking the other direction. Anyway, thanks again everyone! I appreciate the thoughts and concerns!

 

[SunAngel]

I think life is stressful for a lot of people right now and they use places like this as an outlet for some of that stress.

I definitely have a roo for ya...I am waiting to see if the other one his age is a pullet. They are the only two I have that are 2 months old, the rest are only around a month old right now. I will run out and take a couple pics of them for you.

 

[horsejody]

My DH is still complaining that I kept the duck that my vet gave me when it was dumped at his office. Also, DH is the one that insisted that we buy the same duck a kiddie pool. It hurt him almost as much as it hurt me when we had a massacre last year (dogs killed most of my chickens). I think he's afraid it will happen again and break everybody's hearts. Also, it's a bit of a control thing. Just smile, listen to his reasons and remember that marriage is a partnership, not a dictatorship. You should have equal say. If you don't, it's a sign that he doesn't respect you.

 

[sparkles2307]

I just do what I want pretty much regardless of DH objections...NOT out of disrespect or lack or courtesy, but honestly, when I used to do everything HIS way it ended up crappy and if I do what I want he usually ends up saying "wow Honey you were right, chickens are way more awesome and wicked-sweet than I ever imagined, lets get more" lol maybe not those words but same message. He jokes about me doing what I want no matter what but he always ends up liking what I did no matter how firmly set against it he started out. Just do like me and refuse to ask him for help, once he sees you doing all this stuff he will get curious and check it out.

 

[scbatz33]

Quote:
I have some Barred Rock girls who are outside if you're interested.

But that aside, what some people may forget is a marriage is give and take. Compromise is what makes it work and you must communicate. However, if you have a partner who is not good with communicating or tends to shut down, you can't always have the "bull in a china shop" mentality. Some people have to have more time and like lots of reasonable explanations of why something is necessary - especially if you aren't on the same page to begin with.

My Dh is good with the chickens. He ahs been right there with me about what kind and all that. However, I tend to go overboard and now I have more birds than we have housing for and so we got in an argument yesterday. Not because he was unhappy at me or the birds, but sometimes frustrations and other stresses come out in odd places.

I understand what the OP meant about needing a "chance" to explain her reasoning. She wasn't asking permission but trying to alleviate whatever fears and concerns her DH has. he obviously is not thrilled about the birds but he wouldn't have helped you with the coop if he was totally against it. He's more likely one of those men who have to have a zillion reasons why something is a good idea and if he doesn't value it, you have to work all that harder to show him why it's important to you.

That doesn't mean he doesn't value the OP. Sometimes people have a hard time understanding why someone likes something if they don't like it themselves. This kind of situation takes diplomacy and patience, not foot stomping and gauntlet throwing.

My grandmother always said two very wise things:
You catch more flies with honey than vinegar and Don't sweat the little things.

You're husband will come around, but you need to find out what his true objections are to the chickens and then alleviate his fears with good solid reasoning. Not childish "I want it so I'm getting it no matter what you say" attitudes.

Good luck.

 

[BlackBart]

What did you all do about your disapproving DH?

continued on with my idea

I have my hobbies, he has his hobbies and we have hobbies together.
I don't like some of his and he doesn't like some of mine but we involve ourselves willingly in each.
He keeps a eye on my chickens when I am not home and I help him at horse shows.

We are symbiotic but each our own person. At times it was the longest road but we got there.

 

[saddina]

"I have to say though, I'm really surprised this simple question turned into such a debate on the value and ethics of marriage... seems no matter where I post lately there are a LOT of VERY strong opinions... and EVERYTHING somehow gets turned around or into a debate of some sort. I dont remember the boards beign so straightforward and hostile 4 months ago....idk maybe I was just looking the other direction. Anyway, thanks again everyone! I appreciate the thoughts and concerns!"

"I'm like "babe, you know the lil man wants a barred rock so bad and they're $2 it makes perfect sense, why wont you just get 1 or two" and he argued with me about it for 20 minutes in the pet store before we left. So DS had his chick THAT close and couldnt get it because DH is SOOOOO opposed to the chickens. He hates even hearing about them anymore when DS and I LOVE them! IT's just so frusterating. He has all of his things that I hate but deal with anyway (flippin fantast baseball and autograph obsession) but yet he cant support something that we like and will eventually proveide for us! So my question is, for all of you who had DH's like me...how did you soften him up and get him to deal with and maybe even LIKE your chickes?... :-("

Uhh you did ask what we would do in this situation, you got answers. Mama said don't ask a questions if you're not prepaired to hear an answer.

 

[Rosalind]

Quote:
Nope, and I never asked him to. He did it by himself, after being won over by the awesome power of chickens.

Or the awesome power of my chocolate souffle.

Or the incredible reduction in grocery store bills? One of those...

Actually, the coop was a holiday present. Seeing as how he got a leather motorcycle outfit for Xmas, it seemed like a fair trade.

He does stuff for me that he doesn't necessarily want to do: he wanted a smaller, newer house, he was not a huge chicken fan to start out, he rubs my stinky feet after a long day.

I do stuff for him that I am not that into and wouldn't do on my own, starting with converting a perfectly good bedroom into a Man Cave (don't ask) and ending somewhere inappropriate for a family forum. There are lots of things both of us didn't like to start out with, but learned to like because the other one liked: He now likes college, chickens, yogurt, vegetables and spicy curry. I now like rap, metal, and some modern art. He still hates girly music, swimming and expensive wine, I still hate Xbox and motorcycles. You have to be at least a little bit different, otherwise it gets boring. At the same time, if you're going to get married, pick someone with whom you can reasonably share the majority of your life. Doesn't have to be your whole life, just a generous portion.

ETA: Now that I think on it some more, another reason we stay married is that we're a bit codependent, lifestyle-wise at this point: Neither one of us could afford all the house + bills on our own, he has the type of job that he can run the pets to the vet and do all those chores that can only be done during business hours, and, heh heh, he's a lot of fun for a geek like me.

I provide him with steady income and a modicum of financial security (he's a small business owner in a service industry), I make him go to the dentist when he's being skittish about getting a root canal, I do most of the cooking so we both eat healthy, I manage the investments side of things although he manages the day-to-day money issues. We took turns going to school so we could support each other financially. If we were both super-individualists, he'd eat nothing but Domino's on paper towels and would have died of an abscessed tooth ages ago, and I'd still be broke and scrubbing hotel toilets if he hadn't supported me through college. We both get a lot out of being together.

 

[Rillion]

Quote:
Ha! Rosalind, you speak such pearls of wisdom.

I'm not married, but I've been with my boyfriend for seven years so we might as well be. And man.....realizing that you don't have to like every darn thing he does, and that he doesn't have to like every darn thing you do, is one of the great revelations of a lifetime. The second great revelation is, of course, that you can learn to like things from (and with) each other! The third revelation is that sometimes it's kind of nice when your significant other doesn't share an interest with you, because then you can indulge that interest without them. My boyfriend will never, ever be asked to go clothes shopping with me.