What do I do? I hate my bridesmaid dress

[Sonoran Silkies]

Now I understand the comments about covering the bodice with a shawl.

 

[I have WHAT in my yard?]

Most of us have been there worn that! I was in a wedding where the mother of the bride was bridezilla! She designed and made these Gone With The Wind huge pouffy dress in PeptoBismol pink with enormous hats! At least I didn't have to pay for that one AND bonus I wore it as a gone with the wind dress to a costume party later that year!

Sometimes I think the bride subconsciously doesn't want any of her bridesmaids to look better than her!

I gave my bridesmaids the essential outline I wanted and the color scheme, then they each chose a dress that was flattering to them and the maid of honor wore a darker shade of the color to match her skin tone. Try to get the dress tailored for your figure as best you can and grin and wear it.

 

[PineappleMama]

Most will say "Tough Nuggets it's not your day"

But... riddle me this... how many eyes will be on the bride if your ample bosom falls out the top of that dress?

That would be a perfectly valid reason for you to mention it to her. If already ordered there's not doodly you can do. But if she hasn't ordered them yet then perhaps mentioning you wouldn't be comfortable (OMG imagine the bunny hop!) in something cut like that might actually be heard and she may have a 2nd choice.

To me, it would be worth a shot. I doubt she's going to be happy if her bridesmaids spend the whole wedding glaring dirty old men, holding their bouquet at chest level to cover themselves, and/or being uncomfortable thus NOT smiling for the pictures.

Then again, for my wedding I just told my 'party' that the colors were light blue and white... that was it. My MOH wore a med/dark blue suit that suited HER body type. My sister was my bridesmaid, she wore a sleeveless top, dark blue with light blue flowers, and a light blue skirt. BOTH outfits were actually used after, no big tadoo, not hideous, AND they were comfy in their own skin... thus attending the wedding wasn't a horrible CHORE, but a nice time. To me that matters, to others not so much. *shrug*

edit... wait a darned minute... "Once you accept being a bridesmaid your main obligations are to buy the dress; wear the dress and a great big smile; keep your mouth shut; and then smile even bigger, and nod, when the bride ultimately says "...and what's so great about this dress is that you can wear it again....""

You have to buy a dress you didn't pick? That's a crock. If they pay for it, I can see the obligation. But where the heck does anyone get off making someone pay for the privilege of attending their wedding... and doing it in a horrid outfit to boot... AND still expected to give a gift too? Phooie on that.

 

[ChooksChick]

Quote:
OMG- I just woke hubby up laughing silently, crying, shaking the whole bed because of that...

 

[Sonoran Silkies]

Quote:
Emily Post, my dear. And tradition. Who pays for what is set by tradition. And bridemaids pay for their dresses, which the bride chooses, usually with some input from her bridesmaids.

 

[Hollywood Chickens]

Watch the movie "27 Dresses" it is a great movie, it is about a woman who has been a bridesmaid 27 time each dress was ugly, she saved all of them, and in the end she has 27 bridesmaids--in their bridesmaids dresses each bridesmaid was happy and looked ridiculous.

 

[ruth]

Quote:
You haven't been a bridesmaid too often, have you? As was posted, it's tradition. And.....not only do you have to pay for the dress, but often have to buy certain shoes the bride wants everyone to wear, often a hideous dyed shoe, and matching gloves, jewelry, hats, purses, etc. etc. Add to that, the bridesmaids are expected to plan, hold, host and PAY FOR at least one shower but often several, along with gifts for each. AND...a wedding gift as well. It's a VERY expensive HONOR to be a bridesmaid. The only thing she doesn't pay for are the flowers she carries down the aisle.

At least the groomsmen get off easier, they just have to rent a tux, and yes, they have to pay for it.

Long live tradition.

It's no wonder many of today's brides have become Bridezillas - if you can demand your every wish and get someone else to pay for it, well, the sky's the limit.

 

[Sonoran Silkies]

Well, traditionally the bride gives some sort of gift to the bridesmaids--they don't have to pay for that

 

[PineappleMama]

With ours the maids and whatnot bought their own, true enough, but because of that I wasn't about to tell them what they had to spend their money on. I was thankful that I had friends and family who wanted to be by my side on our special day... that in itself was a huge gift. I didn't need to go all power mad and try and control every detail, but if my OCD-ness had kicked in I certainly wouldn't have done so while writing checks with someone else's checkbook.

Maybe this tradition started with families where budgets weren't an issue? If money is no object then I can understand how a bride would have no problem ordering them to buy dress, shoes, etc. at their expense. Question though... do the MOH/Maids know this? Or are they just asked to do the deed, and then after the fact they're informed of the price of all this? If the bride is honest upfront about the cost, and the woman agrees, then no problem. But, if she isn't... says they're buying, OR says it'll only be X amount and then it turns out to be hundreds more... that's pretty cruddy. Because you put someone you claim is a friend into an awkward position... they either back out because they can't afford the stuff that you insist on, beg for help (disclosing their budget woes), or put themself in financial straights to make YOU happy. I just couldn't do that to my friends.

I've only been a bridesmaid once, and it was my MOH's wedding. She is a considerate soul. She asked for any help with costs, if you could. And, the dresses she chose, while formal, could actually be used again. As is, or with a bit of altering.

I donno, for me stuff like this just falls under basic consideration...

But, in this particular instance I do think this maid has a valid point. The bride may very well have not thought about the fact that people with a lot up top might be uncomfortable flaunting that much in front of grandmothers! Don't bend over, don't sit below any standing men, don't run, don't hop, don't walk to fast, and for pete's sake don't trip! With all that running in your mind are you really going to be having a good time? I know this is a DUTY thing, but you are expected to be smiling through it. I like to be comfy, true enough. If I'm self-conscious I'm not going to be smiling, not genuinely anyways. Picking an ugly color is one thing, happens all the time, but picking a cut that would make people uncomfortable is different. I'd be saying the same whether it was this, or someone with a bottom like mine being crammed into a mini skirt, and thus unable to sit, bend, much less dance. If you know you have an ample bosom'd friend or an ample bottom'd friend, or say a friend with acne on the shoulders, don't pick a cut that will make that person miserable by showing off the feature they're most self-conscious about. If you are their friend as you claim to be you would KNOW what areas they aren't 100% comfy with and do what you could to NOT humiliate them. Or, at least I would. If nothing else to avoid the aforementioned nightmare mini when their day comes. *shudder*

Why is it that so many people seem to just lose the ability to think logically when planning a wedding??

Edit... well as per usual I just can't NOT figure out the source of insanity... google and wikipedia are my friends...

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Wedding_ceremony_participants

The bridesmaids are members of the bride's wedding party in a wedding. A bridesmaid is typically a young woman, and often a close friend or sister. She attends to the bride on the day of a wedding or marriage ceremony. Traditionally, bridesmaids were chosen from unwed young women of marriageable age.

The principal bridesmaid, if one is so designated, may be called the chief bridesmaid or maid of honor if she is unmarried, or the matron of honor if she is married. A junior bridesmaid is a girl who is clearly too young to be marriageable, but who is included as an honorary bridesmaid.

Often there is more than one bridesmaid: in modern times the bride chooses how many to ask. Historically, no person of status went out unattended, and the size of the retinue was closely calculated to be appropriate to the family's social status. Then, as now, a large group of bridesmaids provided an opportunity for showing off the family's social status and wealth.

The required duties of bridesmaids are very limited.[12] They are required to attend the wedding ceremony and to assist the bride on the day of the wedding. Bridesmaids in Europe and North America are often asked to assist the bride with planning the wedding and a wedding reception. In modern times, a bridesmaid is also typically asked to play a role in planning wedding-related events, such as a bridal shower or bachelorette party, if there are any. These, however, are optional activities; according to etiquette expert Judith Martin, "Contrary to rumor, bridesmaids are not obliged to entertain in honor of the bride, nor to wear dresses they cannot afford."[13] If it is customary in the bride's area to have a bridesmaids luncheon, then it is hosted, and therefore organized and paid for, by the bride.[14] A junior bridesmaid has no responsibilities beyond attending the wedding.

Since modern bridesmaids, unlike their historical counterparts, can no longer rely on having their clothes and travel expenses paid for by the bride's family, and are sometimes even assessed fees to pay for parties that the bride wants to have before the wedding, it has become customary for the bride to present the bridesmaids with gifts as a sign of gratitude for the support and financial commitment that comes with their roles. It has become equally customary for wary women who are invited to serve as bridesmaids to first ask after the amount of time, energy, and money that the bride expects from them before accepting this position.

13 Martin, Judith (1999). Miss Manners on weddings. New York: Crown Publishers. pp. 136–137. ISBN 0-609-60431-7.

So... there you go... ONE bride probably started this whole mess... perhaps because their budget was tight? And then maybe some/all those bridesmaids turned around and did it at their weddings and so on and so on until nowadays everyone assumes it's the way it's supposed to be done... *sigh* amazing the things that we do just because one person decided it was a good idea...

 

[Sonoran Silkies]

I guess I do not see anything on the dress that indicates a skimpy top (unless poorly fitted). Yes, it has spaghetti straps, but it is not low cut. If properly fitted, even the largest gal shouldn't be falling out.

I certainly believe that brides have an obligation to be considerate is selecting gowns--both in style and in cost. I know when I was at the age when my friends began getting married that cost considerations were always considered. However that was before the bridezilla became a commonplace. Weddings were almost always far less elaborate affairs than are today's norm. I think things started getting out of hand in the 90's.