What do you do with an unmotivated 18 year old?

[violetsky]

I think we give up on teens too early. Stop hoping and wishing
he will magically have the skills and discipline to be a self-sufficient
adult. Set aside a time to practically review in your mind what you
think he could do to make a living, what steps are necessary to such.
For example if you think he has knack for tinkering with cars. Give him
an ultimatum to take a course relating to that or move out immediately you'll give him
3 months rent and no support after that. Pay the rent for three month
and change the locks. If he decides to apprentice or take a course, you
need to get behind him and stay behind him and be as stubborn and unyeilding
in whatever rules you set up. No yelling, arguing or discussion, just the facts.
Lay out the steps, very clearly. Teens are more work than tots, that's normal.
Just plan on working your butt off for a few months, become tougher and more
driven and keep a fire underneath him. It will pay off for you as well because
nothing is more satisfying than successfully launched children and nothing is
more of a heartache than to see your children in trouble.
Right now he is convinced he "can't" do anything so make the first steps
attainable. People get ugly when they are hurting and I'm sure he doesnt
believe in himself. A little forward motion in the right direction will be difficult
at first but it starts to feel good fast. People peg themselves and are afraid of change. Show him what
the targeted job you have in mind for him pays. What he can expect in the way
of monthly costs, food, housing, gas etc and do a simple budget. Look at
apartments a year before he could realistically be launched. Give him a future
to look forward to.

 

[pdsavage]

I look at it this way if I can do it at 18 then so can my kids or any other 18 + person.
I have seen so many parents who worked from highschool on then spoil there kids rotten and baby them well past the age they need coddling.
Why is hard work and independents expected from us but not our adult children?
Get his butt into public housing pay his bills with just his SSI and hand him the rest to do as he pleases.Being the payee you at least have the power to see he keeps a roof over his head away from your house that is.

If he spends all his money on crap and has no food till the end of the month then he needs to get on food stamps or go to the food bank.
Treat him like the adult he thinks he is boot his butt out.I have 3 kids that have graduated so far my step son who keeps getting guilt pulled back to him addicted mother,my oldest daughter who lives in an assited living home and my oldest son who just graduated last year and now lives on his own.I have 2 more to go I expect them to graduate and either go on to collage or get a job.

Don't expect any less from him that you didnt expect from your self as i told my youngest who has Aspergers,your aspergers is not an excuse,it is and explanation but never and excuse.....

 

[wistlindixie]

Quote:
It was the only thing that worked for my brother.

 

[gritsar]

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It was the only thing that worked for my brother.

 

[arabianequine]

Ok so some of you may have seen in other posts my son moved into his own apt. on the 1st.

Here are some pics of us working on gutting out his room some tonight, got a lot done tonight.....all carpet and pad out. Next got to remove all the nails from the edges another night.

 

[country freedom]

Oh my! Those photos look like my oldest daughter's room when she was younger, and he!! raising up!
She's 20 yrs old now, has a young daughter of her own, a great job, and an apartment and her own car.
She has apoligized for putting me through the toughest time in my life, raising her up. She's doing great now.

It'll take your son a lil while to grow up, be there for him when he trips, but don't baby him....show him life is hard, but, harder when he makes the wrong decisions. Show him how to turn negativity into positivity, and to learn from his mistakes - success only comes from making mistakes in life, and learning not to make the same ones again......this is what all successful people go thru.
First time being on his own will be quite challenging/overwhelming, but he should gain in confidence, with every few steps in the right directions (there are many directions in living - he has to learn which ones to make, and not all are clearly shown). My prayers are with your family, and son.

 

[EweSheep]

WOW, its going to look so good when you get done renovating the bedroom. With the holes in the walls, jeez, major mud job! Might just replace the whole section or drywall sheet.

So how are you feeling with him being gone in his new apartment?

 

[arabianequine]

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Thank you!

 

[arabianequine]

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I was pretty worried the first night. I did not call him. I was just waiting to hear from him. I happened to be in town the next day grocery shopping and it was like 4:30pm my time and I got a text from a girl he talks too 24/7. She said her calls and text have been unanswered the whole time. She said they were talking and then he said hold on and then that was the last she heard from him.

Well then I was scared to death and could not get there fast enough. It seems she had not talked to him since the night before at like midnight our time....she is 3 hours ahead of us. My son had been having a lot of heart burn....he is a bigger kid. I was thinking a heart attack or something. I call the owner to have the manager go check on him and we got there as he was walking up to my sons door....although the manager lives on site he is older like 70 and gets around slowly but he was confused and not too worried because he had just seen him....but me and the owner did not know that....we were at least ten min away. Well the door was unlocked and I opened did not even knock and he was playing video games with a friend that he knew from before that lives right there. He says his phone broke in half.....so I texted his friend and let her know. Later that night I went and took him to get another phone with some of his money. I was sick yesterday so I did not go there to take him grocery shopping but will def. go today. I don't feel 100% but have too go to town anyways. I need to help him clean everything there too at his new place. Wipe everything down in the bathroom and kitchen. Vaccumm and sweep, mop bathroom and kitchen.

I talked with him through text yesterday a little bit.

It is spring break here so he has all week to get comfortable.

 

[EweSheep]

He left a mess again??? If the apartment was clean to begin with, what in the world was he doing for a few days???? Boys can not be that messy already!