- Mar 25, 2007
- 1,310
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Quote:
Taken. For sure. I have nightmares about having to go back on the dating scene, actually!
To answer hikerchick's question, what I get out of it that is worth negotiating DH's flaws, that could not be had from a live-in boyfriend relationship:
Legal rights is a biggie. Spousal legal rights are upheld across the board, in every state and country, and are not challenged the same way other legal documents are. You can get a power of attorney, a health care proxy, guardianship etc. etc. but those documents are often challenged, repeatedly, in a court of law by family members. See the case of Sharon Kowalski & Karen Thompson for a prime example of guardianship/PoA papers successfully challenged by family members to the detriment of the disabled ward. If you are married, and your spouse has just been in a horrible traffic accident, no one will challenge your right to supervise their medical treatment, your inheritance in the event that they die, your survivorship benefits, insurance claims, etc. No one will ask to see a notarized copy of your marriage certificate before they allow you into the ICU to hold your spouse's hand. Even stupid little things, like being able to call your spouse at work in an emergency--before DH and I got married, there was an emergency with his family and his employer's secretary would not put the call through because I was "just a girlfriend." After we got married, magically it was no problem and I could call any time for him. The law will allow challenges to other documents, claim that the PoA writ was signed under duress or not recognize health care proxies across state lines, but they ALL recognize and respect marriage. Some states even mandate that spouses and resulting children receive a certain amount of inheritance if one dies before the other, regardless of what a will dictates.
I really wish that everyone planning to get married would study and contemplate the state and federal laws about marriage. Folks I know who have gotten divorces, married someone without knowing them well, married abusive partners, had children with someone they grew to hate, all seem really surprised when their lawyer informs them of how the law works in their situation. At least some sort of "Miranda rights" when you put in the application for a marriage license would be nice.
Taken. For sure. I have nightmares about having to go back on the dating scene, actually!
To answer hikerchick's question, what I get out of it that is worth negotiating DH's flaws, that could not be had from a live-in boyfriend relationship:
Legal rights is a biggie. Spousal legal rights are upheld across the board, in every state and country, and are not challenged the same way other legal documents are. You can get a power of attorney, a health care proxy, guardianship etc. etc. but those documents are often challenged, repeatedly, in a court of law by family members. See the case of Sharon Kowalski & Karen Thompson for a prime example of guardianship/PoA papers successfully challenged by family members to the detriment of the disabled ward. If you are married, and your spouse has just been in a horrible traffic accident, no one will challenge your right to supervise their medical treatment, your inheritance in the event that they die, your survivorship benefits, insurance claims, etc. No one will ask to see a notarized copy of your marriage certificate before they allow you into the ICU to hold your spouse's hand. Even stupid little things, like being able to call your spouse at work in an emergency--before DH and I got married, there was an emergency with his family and his employer's secretary would not put the call through because I was "just a girlfriend." After we got married, magically it was no problem and I could call any time for him. The law will allow challenges to other documents, claim that the PoA writ was signed under duress or not recognize health care proxies across state lines, but they ALL recognize and respect marriage. Some states even mandate that spouses and resulting children receive a certain amount of inheritance if one dies before the other, regardless of what a will dictates.
I really wish that everyone planning to get married would study and contemplate the state and federal laws about marriage. Folks I know who have gotten divorces, married someone without knowing them well, married abusive partners, had children with someone they grew to hate, all seem really surprised when their lawyer informs them of how the law works in their situation. At least some sort of "Miranda rights" when you put in the application for a marriage license would be nice.
