I feel your pain. I read your post to my husband and he said it sounds like I wrote it. In fact my most recent post here was titled "I need a pep talk". I've had my first ducks for 2.5 years, and just added three babies this past August. That's a challenge right now in integrating the two groups. I love the duckling phase, but have had so many issues with my ducks overall. I've learned a lot here on BYC about dealing with their needs, but the learning curve keeps going. When I was contemplating whether to get ducks or chickens I read a few books and read the claim that ducks are hardier and don't get sick as much. I beg to differ! And my avian vet really doesn't seem to be in the know about ducks, so I feel like I'm just as well off to try to figure things out on my own. I'm a bit at the place where I want to give them all the happiest and most natural life possible, in the safest way I can, but I'm not going to spend thousands running to the vet with them, because I can't and it doesn't seem to make a huge difference. I love them and spend hours and hours taking care of their needs, but there's a limit to what I can do, and I need to keep perspective. I too would love to be just at a maintenance-only phase, and I guess I get that sporadically, or I wouldn't have taken on my new babies in August. A little bit though I was a worried some of my big girls were having reproductive issues and might not last long, so I was hoping to keep the flock a good size . Once you get through this bumble you will feel much better - it's hard because it's such a daily worry and effort. We love our ducks, but I'm pretty sure my husband gets a little tired of how often I angst over them, though he's a patient listener. It can be an emotional drain sometimes, but I do think you'll eventually get to a place where things are more settled and you're feeling better!