What is WRONG with me? :/

[Glenmar]

I agree with every word you wrote. I am not a kid person either. I am just now starting to enjoy my neices because they are getting older, but I only see them one day a month. Don't feel guilty about your feelings, some people are just now turned on by kids.

 

[eenie114]

Thanks for all the advice, everyone. I guess it's okay that little kids don't get me all that excited. It just seems weird to realize that coming from a conservative Christian family doesn't mean I actually like all of it.
And yes, I'm sure that in time I'll absolutely adore whoever this new baby is. It's just frustrating to have a family that wants me to love him/her NOW. I get that parents can love an embryo, but I really can't, at least not somebody else's. If my mom miscarried I would be sad for her, but not myself.
I'll probably want to crawl into my shell for the first few weeks after the birth, but theoretically I'll adjust.

 

[Glenmar]

I ment to say not turned on by kids.
Can't find the edit.....Sorry.

 

[redhen]

Thanks for all the advice, everyone. I guess it's okay that little kids don't get me all that excited. It just seems weird to realize that coming from a conservative Christian family doesn't mean I actually like all of it.
And yes, I'm sure that in time I'll absolutely adore whoever this new baby is. It's just frustrating to have a family that wants me to love him/her NOW. I get that parents can love an embryo, but I really can't, at least not somebody else's. If my mom miscarried I would be sad for her, but not myself.
I'll probably want to crawl into my shell for the first few weeks after the birth, but theoretically I'll adjust.

 

[redhen]

I ment to say not turned on by kids.
Can't find the edit.....Sorry.

Edit is at the bottom left of your posts.. its a little pencil... by the red report flag.

 

[punk-a-doodle]

Eenie, I come from a very traditional, their-way-is-THE-right-way family, was raised as such, and had my own opinions so thoroughly suppressed that I parroted what I was taught for years without allowing myself to think on any of it. Would actually mentally berate myself any time my brain tried to turn itself on, as that was a sure sign I was a horrible person.

Have been emotionally beat down on every single decision I make for myself. Note, I don't feel resentment towards my parents for this. One has a controlling personality disorder that is marked by anxiety. The anxiety is very real for them, and certainly has a strong element of genuine concern for my well being. Unfortunately, it that didn't make it any less damaging, or difficult to unweave myself from it. Every step I made for myself was 'irresponsible' and doomed to fail. I was told that the boyfriend I fell in love with would cheat on me and ruin my life (happily married, over 8 supportive and wonderful years together), that if I didn't have a baby I would die lonely and unhappy...buuut that I would absolutely wake up one day with a burning need for child bearing (hasn't happened yet), that stating my opinion or standing up for myself would only lead to ruin (has actually made me much happier and formed more real relationships), and on and on.

This sort of upbringing doesn't have to be forceful to still be stunting. Comments like, "oh, you'll be excited when the new baby is here, you'll see", etc from parents are so amazingly dismissive and self-serving from my current viewpoint. Comments such as, "if you quit focusing on the negative parts of a new baby, you'll be excited", are especially disappointing for me to hear coming from parents as that not only dismisses your opinion, but also places blame upon you for not feeling as they expect you to. For not feeling joyous about a decision that it sounds like you have had *no* say in, but are expected to invest a lot of responsibility, time, and work into. I have no doubt that you will gain wonderful and useful experience, that you will have a heavy hand in thoughtfully raising new generations, and that you will have a special set of personal experience and family bonds. All I'm saying is you have a right to your personal feelings, and you will have a whole new range of experiences and insights open up as you enter into adulthood. You also will have a lot more freedoms and say in your life. Enjoy it.

 

[SourRoses]

I like something one of the ladies said on my Christian radio station the other day....
Nothing is permanent. We know good things don't always last forever.... but just the same, bad things don't last forever either.

You'll get past it. One day soon, and actually before you know it, you'll be grown up and out on your own doing your own stuff and living your own life. Your family will still be there, but only when you decide to go and see them... so your mom and the rest of your family will be raising the babies and you will be moving towards your future.

Then one day.. one day.. probably a decade or two later The bad will seem so good... and you'll want to have some of the same (maybe just a little, like one or two, LOL)... OR you could be one of those great, strong, admirable women who make their lives about God and whatever God has called for them to do, and not worry about family making so much.
Just remember that when you are all grown.... it will be your choice NO MATTER WHAT! God wants you to make your own choices... that's why He gave you FREE will... and He wants you to do what YOU want with that will. He also has a plan in mind for you that will make YOU happy, because that's what most makes HIM happy

Whatever you do.... when you are much older... having a lot of siblings to choose from will probably be a huge blessing. Always someone to agree with you against mom and dad or one of the other kids, LOL!

Just stop worrying. Do the emu... or is it the Ostrich? and bury your head in the sand. Let it all pass and the excitement sie down.... find pursuits that take up more of your time and maybe a good set of headphones, or white noise machine, LOL...

 

[newfoundland]

There is nothing wrong with you! You are your own person, and what may be a lifestyle choice for your parents, and friends families, may not be for you. This does not mean you are wrong, only different. Maybe you will choose in the future not to have children, or maybe have a small family, but that is for the future. Meanwhile, if I were you, I'd keep my own council. If you can act in a cheerful way, nobody needs to know how you feel. But be assured, there is absolutely nothing wrong in feeling differently from parents and friends.

 

[swampcat]

I don't like kids. Never did. Didn't even like myself until I was about 13.

That annoying biological urge to procreate fooled me and now I have two of my own. What was I thinking?

I get the environment you are living it, my sis in law is doing the same thing with her family. I completely do not agree with her putting any of the responsibility of the younger kids on the older ones. Where is the oldest's childhood? Completely not fair to cut it short so the older ones can take care of the younger ones. I might ask my older kiddo to watch the younger kiddo in a pinch, but if that is more than a few times a year, then I believe I'm treating the oldest as a built in babysitter (unless of course it ends up being a paying arrangement that we both agree on).

It kills me to see my oldest niece being raised to be a homemaker despite the fact that she has other likes and ideas that maybe she would want to pursue. But nope, her job will be to have babies and cook dinner. Start learning now.

Anyhoozles, it is completely normal to feel the way you feel and don't feel bad about and don't let anyone make you feel bad about it. You are your own person. You only get to be you once, so be yourself to the fullest.

 

[aoxa]

Different strokes, right?

I was always the opposite. I wanted my parents to have more kids, but they never did. I only have one brother. I understand why you are tired of all the fuss. The moving and such. I would have hated that part as well.

I think it would be difficult to be the oldest of them all as well. You must be asked to babysit a lot!

Hope the move is at least a while away yet.