Quote:
Sorry it has turned into a debate. It happens a lot when people start criticizing other people's advice to you. It's why I usually try to reply only to the OP of a thread, and maybe to those other people seeking help in the same thread. I try not to criticize what other people have suggested. 
I posted earlier getting ready to suggest starting another thread on the great cat vs. dog debate, you could still suggest it if you would rather not have the debate on your thread. Just let us know and I am sure those of us civil enough would be glad to jump out of your thread and into another.
Have you decided what you are going to do yet? 
I think if you are going trash diving, you need to do it when the kids aren't home. They probably don't need to see the cat if it is in bad condition.
If you are going to talk to the neighbors, talk to the husband. Just let him know that you just want to bury the cat and that's all. 
If you and the kids really need closure but cannot obtain the body, put some bricks in a cat-sized box and bury the box as though it contained the cat.
I guess I'm desensitized to the whole issue of cats being thrown out. I worked in a vet office for a year and we had a freezer in the back. When pets died or were euthanized, they were put into black trash bags and placed into the freezer. If the owners did not want the animal cremated or didn't want to bury the animals themselves, the animals would stay in the freezer. Once the freezer was full, a pickup truck would come by and we would load all the black trashbags into the pickup truck to be hauled off to the landfill(or wherever) to be buried anyway. So I guess over a year of this, would desensitize you to animal being "thrown away". 
I remind myself that after an animal dies, it's body is just meat. That's all. Just a dead pile of meat. It is no longer that friend we enjoyed for years, that part has passed away. 
I'm sorry the neighbor lady had to make this less than ideal. I'm really sorry that this turned into a cat vs dog debate, when you were only looking for advice.
-Kim