What to do about a close relative who invites themselves over?

[CityClucks]

Quote:
Call her and remind her that Christmas dinner is on Christmas Eve this year at 6:00 p.m. (or whatever time). You wanted to make sure she knew that it was changed from Christmas Day to Christmas Eve, since at Thanksgiving you weren't sure whether or not she understood that. If she wants to insist on having dinner on Christmas Day, ask her what time you all should plan to arrive at her house for the event, and is it okay if you bring deviled eggs...?

 

[Marlinchaser]

I would politely tell her that you had other plans this year, if the father is a ISSUE let her have him for the day too. Offer to drop dad off and she can return him the next day.(Sorry not intending to make dad sound like a burden, dont know the situation), but we lived with wifes grandmother, and it was always expected for the house to be available for her boys whenever they decided to drop by. And they decided the schedule of when was convienient for them. One year I said sorry were(wife and I) out of town, but would be more than happy to drop her off on the way past. From then on seemed like they would check with DW before makeing family plans.

 

[Marlinchaser]

Quote:
Sounds like dad is in the know, I would agree with above, let her know the dinner she is invited to is on the EVE, and make plans to be elsewhere with dad when she intends to arrive at your house. Or just show up at her house, bring nothing and complain that she doesnt have a decent dinner waiting on the table when you get there.

 

[1/2DozenWings]

I would define, in my own head, what I mean when I describe her as a 'close' relative. If I felt that I wanted to keep her 'close', then I would set up many rules and regs and create tasks for her to do when she visited.
But if I decided that the 'closeness' wasn't worth my aggravation, I would set up a situation to trap her whereby I knew she was coming to visit, I had bona fide things to do, I called her to say the same, (she comes over anyway), I leave to do the things I needed to do. Times several visits of that sort, the door is now open to discuss how she makes you feel. It could be painful, which is why I would assess first whether it was worth it.
There's also the issue of the change in your status. If you've always gone along with it before, people can't understand why it no longer works for you. They have to work that out on their own.

I'm going thru a similar situation, but with a person who I deem to be an acquaintance and not a close friend.....

I view it like I'm training a horse: no excuses, I'm not perfect, and I won't apologize for the [change in my behavior]. Otherwise, you'll lose all that you've gained, and then some!

Good luck! It sucks to dread the Holidays.

 

[SurprisingWoman]

Agree with everything she says.

~~~~~~~~

"I can't believe dinner is late, you told me 3pm and it's 3:15."

"Yes, you are right, it is late."
~~~~~~~

"These green beans are too salty."

"Yes, the green beans are salty."
~~~~~~~~~~

"I wanted the blue one instead of the red one."

"Wow, how frustrating to want the blue one and get the red one."
~~~~~~~

Don't fight, don't argue, just reflect her attitude back to her.... with a smile. Eventually she will get tired of not farking you off and she will shut up.

Kill 'em with kindness, baybee..

 

[the simple life]

Life is too short to be bullied by your relatives, or anyone for that matter.
Its also way to short to not enjoy the holidays with those that you want to be with and not the ones you are forced to be with.
She is a timebomb waiting to go off on you about something or just about anything so just put your food down and get it over with.
Tell her its Christmas Eve or nothing and that you and your husband and father have discussed it and are in agreement, put up a united front and get her to back off.
Alot of those people are just full of hot air and won't really get mad and go away forever, even though sometimes we wish they would.
Tell her if she wants to choose which holidays to get together then she will have to host those ones at her house but until then you decide when they will be celebrated at your house and who is to be invited.
It doesn't sound like she has any leverage other than her getting mad and pouting so I doubt she will get mad and go away forever, she is bluffing if she threatens you.
If you can't bring yourself to have the confrontation see if your husband will do it, just don't force dad into the middle.
Ideally though you should be the one to do it so she sees that you will stick up for yourself and not be pushed around.
While you are at it I would tell her just how insulting she can be how much her constant complaining is ruining the holidays and making herself unwelcome.
In fact tell her that since you just can't seem to do anything right that you feel bad about it and don't want to host/cook the holiday meals anymore and that you would feel better if she could do it from now on.
Whatever you do don't let her bully you, you and your family deserve a nice holiday.

 

[bargain]

Ahhhh....the holidays, where families and friends collide....It's too stressful....I have a SIL like your Sis.....It's all I can do to just be calm.... She starts calling in August to see what time Thanksgiving is but then she won't show! She wants my hubby to drive 6 hours round trip and we full time farm and then she says she'll spend the night after he picks her up..Well, we nixed that one, said no, sorry we cannot drive an able bodied person for 6 hours and sorry the guest bedroom is going through extreme makeover....It was I had all the closet clothes everywhere in a major clean up.....It also helps that the house is neither heated or air conditioned.....

Our house is rather difficult...One spare bedroom which is next to our bedroom and opens up into our office and only 1 bathroom with 3 doors on it....So, overnight people must be very flexible or go out to the porch bathroom. My best no worst night was when I got locked out of the bathroom and had to go through the spare bedroom to get to the bathroom, but no I was locked out there, went outside, unlocked the door, came in the mudroom to go to the bathroom....Someone has locked the 2 doors I could have used....MMMMMM....was it an accident, I dare not venture to say....both I do have my opinions.....So,we don't encourage much overnight company, unless they want to rise and shine and work the farm with us and this my sil would definitely NOT do.

Well, I need to send you my latest thrift store find, but I think I'm putting it up for Christmas....... It's an old needle pointed crewel work and it says:

What do fish and company have in common?????
After 3 days they both stink.....

I'm bad!

Well best of wishes to you....I'm liking the laying down the law bit, or a gee our septic system doesn't seem to be doing very well,,,,,We'll be using a little slop bucket and please remember that!!!!! Oh, and that it will be located back behind the barn.....

 

[sbs]

I have a similar situation.What I have done is have a very frank conversation before the holidays arrive,lay it on the line and tell her that it is unacceptable for her to behave that way at your house.And if she can't be positive then she should not come.Don't wait until the actual day to have the talk,do it well before.

Good luck and happy holidays!

 

[purr]

Just do what I did , I told my mother if your going to complain or be nasty you can leave ,as long as your pleasant you can stay.

Honesty is usually the best policy.

 

[debilorrah]

All you people are a heck of a lot mor accomodating that I am. I have told my brother before to be quiet and suck it up and put a smile on his face or he can go pout in the truck. Period. Rude people are not allowed in my house, family or not.