What to do about a close relative who invites themselves over?

[Buugette]

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[Germaine_11.20]

OK now I am laughing and crying at the same time! Thanks for the hugs and I may just try the ex-lax cookies.

 

[mom'sfolly]

Just because someone is family, doesn't mean they have the right to bully or be rude to you. It is your house, you set the time, if she shows up at a different time let her know her mistake. For example, Christmas will be celebrated on Christmas Eve at six pm. If she shows on Christmas day, you say "it's nice to see you, we missed you last night" and proceed with your plans. If you are having leftover turkey sandwiches, offer her one, then go to your movie.

You don't have to open the door on Christmas day. If she is this nasty, maybe not having her speak to you will be a blessing.

Or you could go with the ex-lax cookies....

 

[Zahboo]

I'd call her ahead of time and let her know, that yes I love you, but it's time to put on your big girl britches. If you don't like the way I run thinks, lets host it at your house. My orbit doesn't rotate around you.

 

[Germaine_11.20]

I know everything that is said is true. I shouldn't have to put up with her being rude. Typically I can just talk to her once a week or so over the phone and we are fine.
But she turns weird when there are family get togethers. I don't know why but she almost always (seriously) starts something and has to have someone smooth her ruffled feathers.
It makes it very uncomfortable to be in your own home and have someone argue and yell and refuse tos top until she feels that it has been resolved. That is why she is twice divorced and single for over 25 years.
My only option is for me to leave my own house when she does this. In October she had one of her fits at my elderly in laws, on my FIL's b-day.
My DH is shocked. Being as kind as he is he doesn't understand her behaviour. He tries to smooth things over but now she has started being rude to him too, and she likes him! We have only been married 4 years and this does cause a strain. But he hasn't given any suggestions either.

 

[Camelot Farms]

But she turns weird when there are family get togethers. I don't know why but she almost always (seriously) starts something and has to have someone smooth her ruffled feathers.

So she uses these get togethers to meet a need? Hm. Thinking that if the need isnt met then she will change her attitude or at least her tactics.
Using the "Sorry you dont like the blue one" approach mentioned earlier would fit perfectly.

She is using these opportunities to control you and the rest of the family. As my DH always says "if nothing changes. Nothing changes"
Now you just have to decide when you are ready to start the changes.

((hugs))

 

[debilorrah]

Ambien brownies would be better - she'll fall asleep and never say a word.

 

[DuckLady]

My mother in law is like that. She is old and lonely and crabby. She drove her family away and the only visits she gets are duty visits.

Every holiday she makes a scene and it is for attention. Any attention. When I married into the family I couldn't believe it. DH, his bro and sis.....they all thought this was NORMAL.

My husband would stay around and "talk things out" with her. When I came along, I saw the tantrums for what they were. Attention grabbing scenes because she needed some kind of attention. Never mind that she alienates everyone she has ever met.

So our first Christmas together she pulled that and stomped upstairs. I calmly stood up and got my coat. DH said "She will be back in a minute to talk about it." I said, "Good. She can talk to herself. Get your coat." "But but" "GET in the CAR"

DH learned that is was a lot easier to walk away than stay and get high blood pressure.

 

[Wifezilla]

Redefining a relationship is HARD! I feel for ya!

You just need to decide if you are willing to let things continue as is or if you are willing to put up with the discomfort of changing. I can see choosing either way, but remember the choice is yours. If you do decide not to change things, then it is on YOU to find ways to make it pleasant or just quietly suffer.

Of course, I am a big loud mouth and would firmly set the rules...but not everyone is like me (thank goodness! LOL)

Hugs from all of us regardless of your choice.

 

[ChicknJ]

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good idea, I'll contribute the Ambien