What to do about a close relative who invites themselves over?

[Elite Silkies]

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Honestly she has been like this my whole life. She is like that with everyone. When she is being nice, she is fun but it is always on her terms.
I have gotten much better at setting boundries in the past 10 years, but she keeps pushing them. It has gotten to where she almost never comes over because it is just easier that way.

After reading all this I am going to stick with the original plan, Christmas eve dinner and then the Movies on Christmas with the kids and DH. This is not going to be easy but I am going to do it. If she wants to come over then she can but when it is time for us to go, then we go. If she gets mad, then I guess my Christmas will be "peace on earth" for once.

Sounds like a great plan to me

 

[ArizonaNessa]

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That is the saddest Christmas dinner just short of being homeless that I have ever heard of. Good grief she is not trying to make the whole family go away but rather just trying to change the attitude of one. I would not ever want to attend another holiday function or party of any kind if suddenly my family did this. Better make sure EVERYONE is on board before you pull this one or YOU will be the lonely one next year

 

[onthespot]

there cannot possibly be ONE SINGLE family member who enjoys her behavior. An alternative is Christmas is an "intervention" and a family therapist is on hand to call her on her behaviour and "splain some things to her" and then y'all can sit down to turkey and green beans and sing a few songs, burn a yule log... She needs some kind of RUDE awakening or this will go on for ever and ever until one of you dies.

 

[farmin'chick]

Pretend you are stupid. Phone her and say, Hi, I hope you're planning to come to Christmas Dinner, it's on Christmas Eve this year. And on Christmas Day, we're going to the theater. These are the films that are playing: This is the one we want to see: Which one would you like us to get you a ticket for?

Sister says blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah....

Time for the stupid routine...start over. Well, Christmas Dinner is on Christmas Eve this year. And on Christmas Day, we're going to the theater...Which show would you like a ticket for?

Blah blah blah (scream) blah blah blah blah blah.

Start over. Well, Christmas Dinner is on Christmas Eve this year. You're invited, you know. And on Christmas Day, we're going to the theater. Which show do you want to see? The one we're seeing or blah blah?

She'll either get it, eventually, or she'll hang up, or she'll do what she wants to, anyway. Nothing changes, really, but you're not upset because you haven't had to argue, and your plans are going forward the way you want them to.

 

[Germaine_11.20]

No you are right Patty no one likes her behaviour and thanks to all of you I am going to put MY big girl britches on and tell her what my plans are for Christmas Eve and Christmas day. If when she comes over she is rude, I and anyone who wants to will put on their coats and leave. Not a word. Just leave. And I am going to warn everyone of what I intend to do.

If I argue it will just go on and on and that is what she feeds into.

Thanks everyone for helping me with this. I am really grateful for your help, advice and support.




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[DuckLady]

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Good for you! The hardest part will be the hour before you do this, but believe me, you will feel like a load is off your shoulders once she hangs up on you.

And if it doesn't work, email her a link to this thread.

 

[debilorrah]

And Rustys?? If you need someone on you're side when you do it, we are ALL right here.

 

[Germaine_11.20]

I am very blessed to have all of you, your kindness and help. This has meant alot to me and you have all helped me gain a better perspective.
I decided that texting would be less confrontational and give her a chance to calm down before reacting. When she wrote back she didn't mention a word about the change and she wants to go to the movies too. I am not sure what is going on... but I am hoping for a miricle. It is that time of year.

 

[debilorrah]

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Welp I'll be prayin for ya!!!

 

[chickenmeadow]

Maybe your sister wants to change, but just doesn't know how to do it. You're making steps in the right direction, claim you're own life & choices; others around you will most likely scurry along to catch up with you. Happy holidays to all!