What to do? if anything.

[chickened]

My brother has been married about 23 years to the same/first woman with 4 children that range frow 15 to 22. About a year ago his wife started hanging out with a wealthy guy that lost his wife to cancer at the same time he is about 75 or 80 my SIL is 51. They go gambling every tuesday all day until late in the night. She says he is her best friend. My brother is very stressed over this. The older guy told my brother when he asked him to quit coming around that it was up to my SIL to tell him that.

There is some minor things that I left out but according to my SIL it is just a friendship. My wife and I see it as cheating without the sex. My brothers daughter asked my wife what to do.

Any thoughts on this? I would personally like to confront the old fart and say a few things to him. Should I or my wife talk to the old guy or what? Thanks

 

[debilorrah]

IMHO the only man woman friendship is between a woman that is straight and a gay man. Or vis versa.

 

[kevinhannan]

You won't stop anyone doing anything they want to do.

I'd say - Stay out of it and offer your bro your support when he needs it.

Good luck, mate.

 

[BrattishTaz]

It sounds like your brother needs to have a serious talk with his wife. If they can't communicate effectively after 23 years of marriage, they may have bigger problems than the old man. I hope they work it out.

 

[SunnyDawn]

Yea, unfortunately you are correct. That isn't a good situation and they need counseling fast! If she won't listen to her husband she won't listen to you and the old guy has already shown how he plans to handle it! I'm so sorry for your brother and I know you are too. I hope it works out.

 

[calicokat]

What SunnyDawn said.

Plus, keep the communication lines open with the neice who came to you. She's going to need some good folks in her life to help her sort this out as it all unravels.

 

[they'reHISchickens]

So the old guy who lost his wife is lonesome and here is this younger woman befriending him so of course HE isn't going to stop her. He is thrilled with the attention.
And since he is paying attention to her, your SIL is thrilled to have a man around who pays attention to her. ( seriously, after 23 years, many men tune us out.)
So, my suggestion is to have your bro start courting his wife and paying attention so she doesn't look elsewhere.
So many men get all huffy and How DARE You if wife wanders, when all most women want is a bit of attention. Really, she likely doesn't want a man her father's age, but if he pays attention to her, all bets are off.
JMO

 

[redhen]

Heres the thing..
He cant tell her to stay away from him..its pointless. Heres why.. if shes going to cheat on him.... him telling her "not to".. wont really work, will it? She'll just see him on th side if she is determind to cheat..etc...
Since they are being so "open" about being friends, i bet they are just friends..

With THAT being said.... if my husband EVER had a little "friend" like that.. i'd walk. I wouldnt deal with that crap.
If it bothers you brother.. then he has to make a decision about how he wants to live... either he can leave or stay and just deal with it. Not many other options.

 

[Elite Silkies]

I have to disagree with the points that a straight man and a woman can not be friends. I have some very good friends that are straight males. I have several gay friends as well. My relationship with them all whether straight or gay is the same. My husband is perfectly okay with my friendships. One of them often takes me and the kids for pizza during the summer. The kids love the lunch buffet.

I would suggest that the husband request to come along on Tuesday, even if he has to take a day off of work. See what the reaction is. If they are only friends, this should not bother them in the least. If it is something, she will probably become very defensive and find a way to exclude him.

Not trying to be mean, but maybe she is a gold digger and see's an opportunity to take the old man for all he has. Either way, gold digger or just a friend, she could include her husband.

 

[TigerLilly]

Quote:
As for your 1st sentence, maybe we should ask some fellows on here about that one. From a female standpoint, I can agree with you. But are your male friends looking at it the same way? Or are they just waiting & hoping that they'll be able to make a move one day?
I agree that he should ask to go & see what the reaction is & if they make up reasons why he cant/shouldnt.
Either way, even if the situation were reversed, it wouldn't be a 'friendship' that would make me all warm & fuzzy if I was being counted as the 3rd wheel...