What to do? if anything.

[aRoosterNamedSpot]

I agree with "Elite Silkie". The husband should ask to join them .

 

[Elite Silkies]

Quote:
As for your 1st sentence, maybe we should ask some fellows on here about that one. From a female standpoint, I can agree with you. But are your male friends looking at it the same way? Or are they just waiting & hoping that they'll be able to make a move one day?
I agree that he should ask to go & see what the reaction is & if they make up reasons why he cant/shouldnt.
Either way, even if the situation were reversed, it wouldn't be a 'friendship' that would make me all warm & fuzzy if I was being counted as the 3rd wheel...

I can completely understand where your coming from. Either way, it's really not right what the SIL is doing. My friends stem back to later years before my husband and I were married, so he graciously accepted my friends, on the side note, one of my friends new wife did not except me

. I respected her wishes and took a back seat. Only one did I meet during our marriage, and that is because he was my boss. He is just crazy and hilarious, and my husband thinks he is the biggest goober he has ever met. He comes to the house, makes it to the kids birthday parties, etc.

If my husband met an 80 yr old "rich" woman, I'm keepin my mouth shut and hope he is the heir to her assets, I could really use a new air conditioned and heated chicken coop. Just Kidding! I would not like it at all.

I'm sure the SIL has sparked an interest in the old man, or he is extremely lonely. Some old people are isolated by family. There are so many what, if's and buts that could be asked.

I really do not know how I would feel, but I am sure I would not like my husband having a date night every Tuesday. I only see this situation increasing more days throughout the week.

 

[TigerLilly]

We agree more than I thought. Wasnt taking into account your friends were before husband--good point. I dont think anything good will come from the OP's friends/brother's situation.
He needs to put his foot down, start going with them or let it be. (Sorry, I've read so many posts tonight, I almost forgot the beginning of this one...)

 

[chickened]

Some of the other things she (SIL) has been doing is texting and deleting messages for whatever reason to and from her friend. I will say at first I thought they were both gold digging but on my brothers part more as going along with it. The old guy has bought several gifts for all the family members, took my 19 year old nephew to Vegas , pays for family plan cell phones, bought laptops for all of them, willed the 2011 Mustang to SIL and managed to gift my brother also. I may have missed a few items but you all get the picture and now I think the old guy is expecting some sort of return on his money.

I may suggest that my brother go with them that seems reasonable. I see it now as the old guy gets the fun happy SIL and my brother gets the rest.

My real concern is for my brother and the unintended casualties (the kids) I actually think that the two deserve each other and I could adjust to her being out of the family but as of now It would be very painful for my brother or I would have said something to both the guy and SIL and told my brother to draw the line with her.

I would like to ask my SIL if she felt the same way about the old guy if they were sitting in a one room apartment drinking fortified wine playing KENO with all his jewelry, false teeth and clothes gone.

 

[gambler]

Quote:
If he isn't already getting a return on his money, He is expecting one. Nobody does all of that just to be friends. Friends with benefits maybe.

 

[I have WHAT in my yard?]

This is really none of your business. Support your niece and nephew in realizing that this is between the three adults and despite the fact their decisions and how well or poorly they handle this will effect the kids, the kids need to be reminded that this is not their issue. Otherwise they will think they SHOULD be able to "fix" it and they can't. They'll think it is their fault and it is not.

Brother needs to get straight with wife that regardless of what they are doing he "feels" like she is cheating on him emotionally and he is not willing to sell their marriage in exchange for goodies. Then he needs to figure out what she is getting out of this and can he give it to her.... Does he even want to? You can support him in deciding. You can support him in dealing with the consequences. You can't fix this and you shouldn't try.

 

[Elite Silkies]

I would simply tell your brother, if he is confiding in you, and only if he is, that you will be there for any moral support that you can give him. It's true, you can not fix this, he will have to be the one to decide if he can or can not live with the current situation.

The old man isn't in it for the pleasure of company, (I could be wrong), but I think he is expecting more than he is currently getting. He may be getting all he expects as well. I don't think the husband would be involved in any gold digging, sense he has already ask the old man to quit coming around.

It's going to be sad that she could end up losing a good marriage, or maybe it's a bad marriage and she is compensating for it, but either way, I see a marriage lost, an old man dying, and may or may not leave all of his worldly assets to the SIL. I think she will regret her decisions in the long run.

I am one to hold my vows close to my heart, and I feel that something in this nature would certainly be breaking my vows.

 

[punk-a-doodle]

IMHO the only man woman friendship is between a woman that is straight and a gay man. Or vis versa.

I have to disagree with this. Both my husband and I have friendships with people of the same and the opposite gender, and (as far as I know, haha), that is all they are and ever will be. I feel that when members of the opposite sex are only viewed as possible romances/people to attract or be attracted to, that is not very healthy really. My husband and I had a brief conversation about this earlier, that when you are a kid, everyone is your friend, when you are a teen and hormones are going, almost everyone seems to have a crush or be crushed on by you, and then as an adult, you can start having those sort of platonic friendships again. I trust him to avoid anyone he knows would lead to trouble, and I trust myself to do that too.

On the topic though, I don't feel like I really have enough information to go on. There could be a lot of different scenarios that possibly apply. I think this is ultimately something your brother and his wife will have to address openly if they have not already, and then go from there though.​

 

[mom'sfolly]

My first thought is that it is none of your business. Your brother and your SIL's marriage is not your business. Even if your brother is venting to you or asking you for advice. If the situation is stressing him so much, he should be talking to his wife, not to you.

You can't win in this situation. You give ANY advice, and it comes back around after matters are settled, it will bite you in the backside. You say you think something else is going on, and brother acts on that, then finds out there was nothing...your fault for messing up their marriage. You say the same thing, brother ignores it, finds out nothing was happening....blames you for making him doubt his wife. You also end up breaking any relationship you've established with your SIL over the last 23 years. And, as an uncle, you end up jeopardizing the relationship with your brother's kids if you make mom out to be a homewrecker, or unfaithful wife.

Sounds to me like this man is befriending the entire family. I personally would have a problem with anyone outside of my immediate family buying a car for me or anyone else in the family. It is a much to big of a gift. I think there are other problems there if your SIL and brother accept that kind of gift. I also think there is an issue with your nephew, who is too young to legally gamble, going to Vegas with the family's sugar daddy. Your brother may not like his wife's friendship but accepting the gifts says something about him as well.

I think there are some issues with the relationships there. I don't know if it is infidelity, gold-digging, or something else; but it seems like there is something wrong. I think there also must be something seriously wrong between your brother and SIL.

However, this really isn't your business. It isn't your job to force your brother to confront his wife, or confront her yourself. You aren't part of their relationship. Your job as brother is to offer emotional support and help in anyway that doesn't get between him and his wife.

 

[turney31]

I think SIL spoke volumes when she allowed FRIEND to disrespect her husband. Not good.....