What to do when your child just won't eat?

[welsummerchicks]

In general, it does sound like the little angel is getting her way a little too often.

I would make a suggestion - I think your kid needs to play with stuff, some kids just need to squish stuff around a lot. Instead of spending 4 1/2 hrs eating a waffle, how about having her play with something squishy and disgusting that she can enjoy, like home made play clay or something? Perhaps if you feign revulsion or disgust, she will think it's REALLY cool and really get into it. A friend of mine would pretend to be impatient and pretend to try to hurry the kid up with that but after a while, the kid figured her out.

Some kids make food about attention from an adult. They ask for food because it gets them attention. You might be able to wean her over to some other kind of attention, like asking you endless, pointless questions, for example.

One thing I would NOT do, is give her her food back when she screams. Give her fifteen minutes to eat it, and then take it up. If she cries, sing real loud and cover your ears. She'll get the picture pretty quick. Some people say when you switch them over, to give them a couple of meals within a few hours, because the first time it happens they are probably going to still be hungry.

 

[shortstaque]

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This isn't about food, it is about attention. You are spending pretty much the whole day giving her attention for not eating and playing with her food. She will continue to not eat and play with her food as long as she gets attention for it. Make food a non-issue at your house. As another person mentioned. Set up the rules. Keep it simple and clear. Then don't talk about it at all.
1. This family eats together.
2. The meal is done when a. Mommy/Daddy gets up from the table. or b. the timer rings
3. Your next chance for food is at the next meal.
Post the rules on the fridge, with pictures (she's young but can understand the idea).
Don't mention it again. If she freaks, let her. Go about doing what you need to do, without so much as a glance at her. The function of her behavior is to get your attention. You are reinforcing her behavior when you acknowledge it. By ignoring it you are not rewarding her for the behavior you do not want. What ever you do, don't talk about eating or not eating at all.

The thing that makes it hard is that you love her, and as a mother you want to do what is best for her and fulfill all of her needs. Food is such a basic need that it is hard to think that you are withholding food from her. But she is choosing not to eat, and you are providing her with healthy meals and snacks at the appropriate times. As others have said she will eat when she is hungry.

Kids can manipulate us without us realizing it. I have a cousin who feigned illnesses at a very young age because her parents stopped fighting when they thought she was sick. They also can read when you are stressed. Relax, keep your cool, smile. You can do it.

 

[Sonoran Silkies]

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Different kids (heck, PEOPLE) work better with different types of eating. Some do best with constantly snacking, others do better with separate, individual meals. To some extent, you need to find what is best for her, but right now there is a power struggle and everyone is losing. Try setting what you believe to be an entire day's worth of food for her on a tray. Does she actually eat that much (over the course of the entire day)? Are you wanting her to eat more than she wants at a given time? But if the food is put away, she thinks she cannot have any more until the next mealtime?

There is more to a meal than eating. How many of her meals are shared with family members? How many are pretty much solo events? My guess is that dinner is shared, but the others may be solo? Meals with family should last a certain length of time. If she is dawdling about eating, when everyone else is finished, it is time to clear the table. Put her plate in the frig for later, and make sure she knows that it will be available to her later is she is still hungry. On the other hand, if she is eating, but slowly, let her continue eating as long as she does not start messing around and playing instead. I have a nephew (26 years old) who eats PAINFULLY slowly, and has his entire life.

I'm also guessing that you are not consistent on snack rules. Go back to that tray of her food for the day. Is it a balanced diet? Not too many sweets or fats or junk food? Consider showing her the tray and saying that she can eat any of this at any time during the day that she wants, but only if she is not playing with her food. And she cannot substitute something on the tray for anything that is not. That you will consider requests for tomorrrow. Once the tray is empty, you might consider adding more foods, but that that will be your decision.

As for mealtime, she cannot get up from the table early if she finishes, but must sit and converse politely with the rest of the family. And she is expected to eat along with everyone else. When dinner is over, everyone gets up, and she helps clear the table, throw away trash or whatever an appropriate level of chore fits her age. Do give her warnings that the meal is nearly over, but do not cajole her to finish or accept her whining, crying or pleading that she is not done, when she has clearly lost interest.

 

[chicks4kids]

Chicken.Lytle :

When mine get fussy about food I stop giving treats. They are only allowed to eat the "undesirable" food and whatever they can forage in the run. After a couple days the hens are back to normal.

Now there's an idea.......throw your toddler in the run and let her fend for herself with the hens

I'd like to see her play with her spaghetti in there!!

But seriously all kidding aside, she won't starve if she doesn't eat at every meal...debi is right on in my book too...stay firm with her and she'll realize when the plate goes down in front of her that it's time to eat. Granted, there will be days when she could eat like a bird and there will be days where she may be a bottomless pit but she'll learn eventually to eat if she's hungry but don't let her sit there for hours on end.

Good luck--you can do it

 

[littlegorb]

Chicken.Lytle :

When mine get fussy about food I stop giving treats. They are only allowed to eat the "undesirable" food and whatever they can forage in the run. After a couple days the hens are back to normal.

agree with you on this one. i give my hens plenty of scraps. at one point they just got spoiled, knowing i would bring more goodies out. well, they had a mess in their pen, so i withheld until they cleaned it up. now they appreciate the "chicken bucket".

childrens' bodies tell them what they need. they don't always want what is put in front of them but if their body is needing it, they will eat it. so your daughter is not malnourished. you can feel good about that. as parents we want our kids to be happy and show it by giving them what they want. sometimes tough love is in order.

atleast if you have chickens, nothing goes to waste.​

 

[Rozzie]

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Ditto.

Set a timer on the table, the kind that ticks. Even an almost four year old will be able to see when the timer is getting close to going off.

And another agreeing here!

This is a power struggle & she's winning...better get it under control or those teenage years are going to be hell on earth!

Edited to add: Haven't read all the posts, so I may be repeating what lots of folks have said...

 

[arabianequine]

Make something she does not like but won't hurt her like peanut butter and lettuce sandwich.....you know she will not eat it but the next meal make something you know she will eat maybe she will be more inclined to eat it, appreciate it, or be hungry enough to eat it, just a thought.

I would withhold good snacks the sweeter ones or ones you know she likes.....unless she ate her meal, let her pick a snack unless that is a game too let her pick from 3 choices. If she is hungry at snack time and did not eat then give her the meal back or you pick a snack but not the good ones (vegies).

 

[urbanchicksta]

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Couldn't agree more. It's hard to watch our our kiddos not eat but I did had to do the above with my then 2 year old. Not easy to just shut up and release the power struggle but repeating the mantra "our job as parents is to provide healthy nourishing food and their job is to eat it" helped. Also all the encouragement and coercion (sp?) is counter intuitive. I remember my own mom would start with encouragement which would end in forcing spoonfuls of food in my mouth when I was 4. She always commented on how i didnt eat much. It was very harmful. I didn't develop an appetite or love for food until I was able to cook and have more control over eating (around 16 or so). Now I enjoy healthy food and my son eats everything... Still not a huge appetite compared to others but he's in the 50th percentile.

Good luck!

Oh and laying off juice makes a difference...

 

[MeatKing]

I would let her play with it, you don't have to sit there with her, you don't have to even stay in the kitchen. If your going somewhere, put it in a travel contanier.. She will eventully realize, that it's now a non issue, and cut it on her own. She getting attention for it, heck would you stop if the most important person in the world, spent 6 hrs a day giving you direct attention.

Someone else suggested letting her play with clay or playdough. Ohh what do they call this @ the daycare the "sensery bin" (Sorry for spelling) It's acutally a bin that's change every week with something new, like playdough, or rice with some toys, sometimes there's dirt in it with toys. I don't understand how the childs mind works, but I know that the sensey bin is manadtory in the daycare. To delvelop something?

I also have a problem with my 4 year old trying new foods. I just make her take 4 bites, of anything she doesn't like. So she may eventually acuire the taste. I really think at this age snacks are important. In our house a snack is an apple, orange, fruit or veg. No crackers or cheese strings, I don't consider these food. (Nothing proccessed) We also don't drink alot of juice, and I won't let her fill up on milk.

Gl, it will get better, I'm sure if it

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[Sonoran Silkies]

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At this point in her life, any regular snack should be nutritious. Only rarely should junk food with little to no nutritional value be given or available. This would include candy, or super-sugery cookies or things like twinkies or ding dongs (yeech!). Chips should not be frequent, either.

Snacks should be things like fruit or veggies, oatmeal cookies (or other healthy ones), yogurt, peanut butter or cheese and crackers, etc.