What would you do??

[Mattemma]

A 3 hour drive to a halloween party? After being shunned during a funeral? No way would I want to go. BUT.....

I might want to go just to prove to dh that family does not always mean good manners.Unfortunately he might not even *see* the snubbing.People see what they want to see.

Shoot I don't even answer the phone when it rings,or the door when someone knocks.I don't feel obligated to do anything I do not want to do.Family or not.Best wishes whatever you decide to do!

 

[Spookwriter]

I don't go where I'm not welcome. My daughter pretty much goes
where I go.

If you come to my home because I invite you, I want you to make
yourself at home. If something gets broken...I'll get another one if
I want it. No real problem.

We have some pretty nice stuff in our home. We also live here. Make
a mess, clean it up go on. Break something, clean it up, go on. Buy
another one if you want to.

Not a "show home"...we live here.

 

[cmjust0]

You should go.

Then when you arrive, just before you get out of the car, you should specifically instruct each of your children to destroy everything within arm's reach.

 

[redhen]

Quote:

 

[redhen]

Honestly..before i went into that house..
I would wantt o know WHY she didnt want you there before?? Something must have happend with your kids before?? I would want to know WHAT...
Do your kids have a bad rap in the family for being out of control at peoples houses?? If not... then i'd want to know what her problem with my kids was...
If you dont know what her problem with you (or your kids..) is... HOW can you prevent it happening again?? Thats why i would not go until i got some straight answers from her or BIL...
Personally..i think that they dont sound very nice at all to do what they did to you and what they said about your children..
I still wouldnt go..unless.she can give me an explaination for her comments about my children.....

 

[cmjust0]

Quote:
I don't think anything necessarily happened with her kids before..

Ok, so here's how it played out: OP is totally unaware of issues...DH is unaware of issues; stoked to see brother...brother (op's BIL) cusses out DH, says SIL doesn't want them there; **BIL says he wouldn't either**...DH suggest meeting at bowling alley, which they do...and now SIL extends invite to party after having had them over a few times and after having exchanged friendly emails in the meantime, etc....OP doesn't want to go because OP's feelings were hurt by what *BIL* claimed *SIL* had said..

See how SIL's the crux of the whole deal, yet she may never have *actually* had anything to do with the DH/BIL exchange? It was only *presumed* that she did because BIL *claimed* that she did..

I dunno.. It kinda makes me think the OP's BIL didn't want OP/DH/Kids to come to SIL's house for some reason. Perhaps it was *him* who didn't want them there -- not SIL -- and maybe he threw SIL under the bus because it was weird to say "I don't want you to come here, even though I don't live here and therefore have no say in the matter.' So, he claims SIL didn't want them there and makes her look like the bad guy.. SIL may not have even known about any of this. She still may not know. Maybe everyone else was fine with you guys coming out there except BIL..

I mean...is that possible?

If so...you should ask SIL if she really wants you guys to come and explain why you're asking. She may be like "GHA! I CAN'T BELIEVE MY BROTHER SAID THAT!"

Ya never know...

 

[FlashPointFarm]

I agree. Putting it this way will help keep SIL from getting defensive.

Quote:
I don't think anything necessarily happened with her kids before..

Ok, so here's how it played out: OP is totally unaware of issues...DH is unaware of issues; stoked to see brother...brother (op's BIL) cusses out DH, says SIL doesn't want them there; **BIL says he wouldn't either**...DH suggest meeting at bowling alley, which they do...and now SIL extends invite to party after having had them over a few times and after having exchanged friendly emails in the meantime, etc....OP doesn't want to go because OP's feelings were hurt by what *BIL* claimed *SIL* had said..

See how SIL's the crux of the whole deal, yet she may never have *actually* had anything to do with the DH/BIL exchange? It was only *presumed* that she did because BIL *claimed* that she did..

I dunno.. It kinda makes me think the OP's BIL didn't want OP/DH/Kids to come to SIL's house for some reason. Perhaps it was *him* who didn't want them there -- not SIL -- and maybe he threw SIL under the bus because it was weird to say "I don't want you to come here, even though I don't live here and therefore have no say in the matter.' So, he claims SIL didn't want them there and makes her look like the bad guy.. SIL may not have even known about any of this. She still may not know. Maybe everyone else was fine with you guys coming out there except BIL..

I mean...is that possible?

If so...you should ask SIL if she really wants you guys to come and explain why you're asking. She may be like "GHA! I CAN'T BELIEVE MY BROTHER SAID THAT!"

Ya never know...

 

[cafarmgirl]

Quote:
This is true. We all get along fairly well and I'm grateful for that. I don't want to make it a bigger deal than it really is.

If you feel you have a decent relationship then there is only one thing to do: Call up SIL and tell her you would love to attend but you are uncomfortable doing so after what your DH was told. There's already a lot of he said/she said going on so a phone call direct to her will clear it up one way or the other. There needs to be some open, honest, direct communication.

I kind of feel like maybe she's expecting you NOT to show up since a three hour drive for a Halloween party seems excessive. But who knows. I am also of the mind that if people are not sincere in their invitations and are only doing it to be politcally correct than I will save them the bother and absolutely not show up.

The thing is, once you don't show up then it starts a whole family issue and those just never seem to go away.

I also would be really ticked off if my DH, after being told somebody couldn't stand his kids, left said kids and wife at home and went alone! That is very devisive! He needs to be supportive of his own family.

 

[Sonoran Silkies]

I agree with cmjust0 and cafarmgirl.

 

[australorpchick]

Quote:
This is true. We all get along fairly well and I'm grateful for that. I don't want to make it a bigger deal than it really is.

If you feel you have a decent relationship then there is only one thing to do: Call up SIL and tell her you would love to attend but you are uncomfortable doing so after what your DH was told. There's already a lot of he said/she said going on so a phone call direct to her will clear it up one way or the other. There needs to be some open, honest, direct communication.

I kind of feel like maybe she's expecting you NOT to show up since a three hour drive for a Halloween party seems excessive. But who knows. I am also of the mind that if people are not sincere in their invitations and are only doing it to be politcally correct than I will save them the bother and absolutely not show up.

The thing is, once you don't show up then it starts a whole family issue and those just never seem to go away.

I also would be really ticked off if my DH, after being told somebody couldn't stand his kids, left said kids and wife at home and went alone! That is very devisive! He needs to be supportive of his own family.