What would you do??

[Souperchicken]

Not sure if this is the right place to post this, but I wanted a little insight.

We travel to see my DH's family(brothers, sister and parents) twice a year usually for a two or three days(staying with my mother and father in law). They visit here about once a year.
About 6 months ago, DH's grandmother died and we traveled to the general area where his family lives for the funeral. We drove up the evening before the funeral. MIL and FIL were hanging out at SIL house. My DH has a brother who lives far away who came into town and was also hanging out at SIL's house that evening. My DH hadn't seen him in about 3 years and was excited to see him.
On the drive there DH called SIL's house several times to make plans to see his brother and everyone else. When we got into town and at our motel my DH called again to BIL about getting together and BIL said "No", so my DH told him it felt like maybe they didn't want to see us. BIL cussed him out and said that my SIL didn't want us at her house because she thought our kids were going to mess up the house or break her things and BIL said he wouldn't want us at his house either. We offered to meet somewhere else(bowling alley, which in the end we did). It really hurt my feelings and I don't feel welcome at their houses with my children.
I have never been to BIL house and we've been to SIL house twice before this(they always came to MIL's to visit) and both times the kids didn't mess up anything or break anything nor did she act like there was anything wrong. I understand that some people just don't like kids in there home, fine.
But....
Now her daughter is turning 1 and has invited the whole family for a Halloween party and I really don't feel comfortable going there now that I know she doesn't want us in her home. I feel like it is a courtesy invite and she will be relieved if we don't come. I told my DH there is no way I want to go.
My DH says we should go anyway(3 hour drive) because she extended the invitation and it would be the right thing to do and I needed to get over it.
Maybe I do need to get over it....what do you think?
I don't mind meeting or seeing them somewhere else, just don't feel comfortable at her house.
Am I being unreasonable??

 

[redhen]

I wouldnt go..

 

[ChickieBooBoo]

Quote:
me niether

 

[sourland]

I make a point of not going places where I feel that I am not wanted. If your husband is intent on going, he should call and ask "What has changed that we are now welcome?" I agree with Redhen. I wouldn't go unless assured that the presence of my entire family was desired.

 

[Souperchicken]

I'm glad that I'm not the only one then...I was starting to wonder if I was just being petty.
Yeah, I don't like to be where I'm not wanted and I definitely don't feel wanted there.
Thanks for the responses!

 

[Chickerdoodle13]

Life's too short to force ourselves to do things that we really don't want to do when we have a choice! I probably wouldn't go either.

 

[turney31]

I would not go either.

 

[HeatherLynn]

I would not go either. I would let the hubby go and he can get the feel for the territory and see if things have changed. Yes I have actually done this myself with an in-law. The hubby decided until he went there himself he could not be sure the kids feelings would not be hurt so he accepted the invitation and went solo. Once he felt more comfortable about it and the next invitation was made we all attended.

 

[verity]

Have you talked directly with SIL????
BIL may not have been telling the truth about what she 'said' ---

Families are never easy, but they ARE family and, unless there is obvious abuse or inappropriate behavior, I believe it is important for children to know their extended family ---

Maybe do this Halloween deal to 'test the waters' -- and keep reminding yourself that you only have to see them a few times a year --


it's easy to be misunderstood and/or misquoted --

 

[zippitydooda]

While I certainly understand the feeling of being insulted and left out, I think I WOULD go simply to prove that my children are NOT the heathens they imagined. I would not bring a gift for their child though, as it seems to me the invitation is a way to get "stuff" for THEIR brat. I would stay long enough to eat a meal, be pleasant to everyone except the hosts, show off my beautiful, well-behaved children and then leave.

But then, I am spiteful. Hahahahaha!

Whatever you choose, be thankful that you don't live in the same town. LOL.