When is enough enough?

[mpwjaa06]

Sorry this may be long. I get woke up by my son he's 3 hours away and he is complaining about his wife. I want to tell him to dump her but, then if I did it would be thrown back in my face. They always seem to work things out but, a few days or the next day he's calling me again. She is a drunk and spends his money runs up the credit card he has then, she goes and gets a new credit card then, get's fired from her job. My son, is in the military about to deploy and he has a hazard job any way but, she emails him complaining and crying so, I am at my wits end with it she has lied to him about allot of important stuff she now has to have a breath thing installed in her car. She can't even drive it. She's had too many DUI's and of course she never told him until they got married and he had to pay for it all because she don't have a job. He's only 20 she is 25 and has all kinds of guys texting and calling her. They have not even been married for a year. I just wish he would leave her. He has talked about driving his truck off a cliff. When is enough enough?

 

[SallyF]

Tell him to find an Al-Anon group and go to it. He'll figure out when enough is enough.

 

[mpwjaa06]

I have and he is going on base but, just makes her more mad and he is in a world of hurt and has no friends at all because she don't like them and they only tell him what they think about his wife. That they see her in bars and other wife's say the same thing. But, instead of him listening to them he believes his wife.

 

[rodriguezpoultry]

I hate to say it, but sometimes you just have to sit back and watch the fireworks. Eventually, two of them will collide.

 

[TyrannosaurusChix]

Hire a PI and get proof. if he deploys its not goign to be pretty. she will probably cheat on him. She doesnt seem to be the patient type!

 

[mpwjaa06]

That's all I have been doing is sitting back but, at the cost of my son's heart. At least that's all I see happening. Yes, I wish he could afford to have one but, he's broke and she sits on her butt drinking what little they have left or calls her momma and gets money that he has to pay her momma back. It's not right and maybe it's my fault made him to soft so that he don't turn out to be a bad husband he is sensitive and very affectionate. She had the nerve to tell me that he is a piece of poop and boy that got me so darn mad but, told her politely that she needed to sober up and be sober before she called me again. I don't like being rude but, sometimes you need to be. I will not lie did want to say more but, sometimes less is the better way to be. Trust me I am not the type to lay down and not say things but, the last time I did he wouldn't speak to me and that was hard he is my oldest and only son. He even called my oldest daughter in the middle of the night and she had to be at work early that morning. I do want to call her and give her a piece of my mind. But, after the last time I did that he wouldn't even talk to me.

 

[mpwjaa06]

When, I said 3 hour away I meant 3 hours difference. Time zone wise.

 

[Sonoran Silkies]

Okay, you have to ask him what he want in his life? How does he want to live? What does he expect from a wife? These kindn of hard questions that he probably has to think about for awhile before answering. They should be able to get marriage/family counseling through the military at no cost. Even if she does not go, he should.

He also might want to speak to a jag officer about protecting his finances while he is gone, so that he is not obligated for loans or credit cards she takes out without his knowledge.

You probably need to say something to him along the lines of "Son, I cannot fix this for you, and I really can't even tell you how to fix it. I will listen to you and give you my love. But the choices you make and their consequences, both good and bad, are up to you. These are some resources to help you make your decisions..." and then list counseling, jag, etc.

In a LOT of ways, he sounds like an emotionally abused husband.

 

[phaethona]

I'm not 20 or 25, I'm 29, but I'm in a marriage with someone with some issues I don't think I can deal with in the long run. did the counseling thing, that didn't work. My dad knows I'm not happy, but he never tells me what to do and I appreciate that. we don't talk about it that much, there's usually kids around when we visit each other, but the ideal advice I could ever get from him would be "I'll be here if you decide to work it out and need someone to talk or vent to, and I'll be here if you need to come home and start over, either way, I'll be here."

 

[mom'sfolly]

If he's deploying, at least he'll be out of her sphere of influence for awhile. It might be that being away from her will give him some perspective. But, he has already heard what she is, seen her behavior and had to deal with the consequences, and on some level is okay with it for now. He may change his mind, he may grow up and find that he respects himself too much for this train wreck of a woman, or he may not. You, as his mother, don't get a say. All you get to do is be there for him, offer reasonable, non-hostile, usable advice; and hope he see what everyone else does.

You are in the hardest place to be. Trying to be a good parent, and to help your son; when you really want to shake him and tell him exactly how to run his life. Both of you need him to let him take his falls. My sympathy to you, stay strong!