When the shoe is on the other foot?

[asher]

Did your DH know this about you when you married him?

Personally, if you have no want for children, I think it's unfair (to yourself and the future children) to have them just because someone else wants you to. I think you could quite possibly end up resenting the future children and that would not be good for anyone.

Even if DH was primary caretaker, you would still have an active part in it and would stll be mom, obviously.

(((Hugs))) What a hard decision.

Also wanted to add, a friend of mine was so not a baby person. Swore she'd never have kids. She got married and ended up getting pregnant (suprise!). It ended up being great for her, BUT it doesn't always end up that way and could definitely end up being a very bad thing.

 

[shmooborp]

my mom didnt want kids. none. she had her tubes tied in her first marrige. then after 2 years they got divorced. and married my dad. she still didnt want kids. but my dad did. LOL. after a few years she realized that its not the kid who makes them selfs difficult,, its how they are razed. so she decided that she would go for it.. she had her tubes tied back together .. a risky surgery. and ended up having three kids;... she tells us she wouldnt trade us for the world.. and i believe her.. and i am the luckiest kid in the world to be her son. if u dont want kids then thats fine.

u have alot of time to think about it.

 

[asher]

Quote:

 

[newnanchic]

It is the best thing that ever happened to me. i was 32 and 36 when I had my boys. They are now 3 and 7 . I can not imagine a day without them. Don't completly say no yet, you still have time. It is honestly the best thing that I ever did.

 

[gypsygirl1421]

Hmm, I am hoping things will turn out the same for me Englishchick. My career is my life and I love the work I do. My husband did know going into this that I am not a kid person. He has told me he would be willing to be very hands on and he means it. I don't think its possible that I wouldn't like my own kid. Its just that I am the one that takes care of the house, I won't even let my DH mow the lawn because he doesn't do it the right way! The flowerbeds all have to be just so. I clean the coops because I do a better job. We do seem to have a bit of a role reversal going on. He makes dinner every night and packs my lunch.

I love baby animals, puppies, horses, chickens, turkeys. But that's not even close is it? There is a small part of me that wants to give it a try, My mom is my best friend hands down, but the whole thought is so scary. What if I get fat, I have such a physical job that if I can't hike 5 miles with a 20 lb pack I could lose my job. Would I ever be able to finish another book? I like quiet, thrive on it, would it ever be quiet? Would my house be a constant mess? Will I have time to clean it? Would I have time to myself?

 

[newnanchic]

When the house is quite now... I have to make some noise It is just the best noise there is .. The two of them playing together, carrying on a conservation as if there is no one else around. The first time they say Mama and the first step. Things you can't imagine now... are the Things you will NEVER forget .....

 

[robinaggie]

I didn't read this entire thread, but here's my two cents. I'm a 52 year-old female who never married and never had kids, so take anything I say about family stuff with a grain of salt, BUT, a good friend of mine wanted kids and his wife did not. He gave up on asking her when they turned 30. When she turned 35 she decided it was now or never, and said she would have a baby but he had to take sole responsibility for it. Well, that lasted until the baby was born. Then she wanted to give up her career as an attorney to be a stay-at-home mom! My point? Just never say never.

 

[CarlaRiggs]

I can't imagine life without my children. They really are my best friends. I knew nothing about raising children.... hardly ever babysat, never played with dolls.

And yes, you won't always be able to finish that novel, but there is so much more to life that maybe you won't be reading novels as much!
I used to want things done a certain way, also. I've learned that a lot of this doesn't really matter.

Very freeing!

I have nine children, and a twelfth grandchild on the way. I also can't imagine my life without all these people. Family and relationships are one of the few things you take with you when you die. And as I *ahem* mature

I realize that the things of the world matter less and less; my entire family matters more and more.

Carla

 

[purr]

well I'm not going to tell you what you should do, but if you decide to have kids I think you might want to loosen up a little about things being done "just so" my mom is just like that, and it made for a miserable childhood for me.

About 5 yrs ago the doctor put her on a pill cause it turns out she has OCD(obsessive compulsive disorder) now she's more laid back not so rigid , I'm 46 , I asked her where was this pill when I was 15.
I mean I didn't even decorate the x-mas tree " right"

some people weren't meant to have kids, I think my mother was one of them

 

[catnip]

I hear what you are saying. My husband and I decided TOGETHER before we were married that we would not have kids. My DH can't stand kids. I was an aunt by the age of 11 and grew up babysitting the newphews. Learned very quickly how much work and responsibility kids are. Decided when I was a teenager that kids, though they can be fun and babies are cute, were not for me.

We've been married over 11 years now. And we've never regretted the decision. Don't let anyone, including the husband, pressure you into something you don't want to do. It's a tough decision you are facing. Be honest about your feelings to your DH. You'll need to work through this decision together.

Best of luck.