When the shoe is on the other foot?

[gypsygirl1421]

So since this is the family section, and I respect opinions from everyone here because you are all so totally awesome (the fact that you have chickens help, I hold your opinions in very high esteem just for that reason).

What do you do if your a 30 YO female that has really has no interest in kids, can't picture yourself with one, don't know how to act around one, or what to say to them, or how to get them to leave when they're your neighbors kids and crawling all over your coop (i have found that hiding in the house works) have never held or desired to hold one, hate kiddie toys all over the yard and the mess that seems to come with them, and certainly wouldn't want my hunting season interfered if I had one (what I live for and save all my vacation time for) and your married to a guy who is a baby magnet, has a baby addiction, will not give peoples newborns back to them, steals other peoples kids to take them fishing and hiking and canoeing and turkey hunting and he is putting the pressure on you something awful to have one?

This scares me to death. I am not mom material. If someone interupts me while I am reading a novel there might be a hospital visit in order. Everyone told me my opinion would change when I was 25, 28, and now I am 30 and nope. Nothing. I would so this for my DH because he is so great and loves kids, but I am making a yucky face just thinking about it

Has anyone else been in this pickle?

 

[LilRalphieRoosmama]

I have alot of friends who feel the same way (and the older I get, so do I!) Only advice I can give you is that if you are certain you don't want children, don't let your DH pressure you into it. It is possible that you will feel differently if it's your own, but your mind seems pretty made up. He can either accept it...or not...

Either way, I wish you well.

 

[coloradochick]

Gypsy,
Stick to your guns and go with your heart. You already know the answer to your question.

I had kids right when I got married (got pregnant on our honeymoon) because I thought that's what I was supposed to do and I knew my mom was praying for grandkids. I had never been around babies or kids really for that matter. That was 20 years ago and I wish I would've gone with my heart and at least waited a few years and not worried what someone else wanted. I love my kids. But not everyone is meant to have children and there is nothing wrong with that. Don't feel guilty. It's YOUR choice.

 

[smpezzi]

Ok first question I have is did hubby know your feelings about kids before you got married? Second question is how much time have you spent around kids, remember your own are different than someone else's for a long time I didn't like other people's kids- some I still don't like lol.

There is nothing wrong with how you feel, it is how you feel! If hubby knew how you feel about kids before you were married in my opinion he is wrong to be pressuring you if he didn't though that explains the pressure. I love that you would consider doing it for hubby though, but if you truely don't think you are mom material then you really need to think about it. Alot depends on how hand on hubby will be. I wish I had good advice for you but no one can change how you feel but I will say I have known people who were certain they didn't want kids and through life circumstances ended up with one and wouldn't trade him/her for anything in the world! You aren't too old at 30 and maybe your feelings will change in time.

to you and dh whatever you decide will be the right thing

 

[English Chick]

OK don't panic, I was totally you at one time, I finally had a daughter at 32 and a son at 43!!! so you still have plenty of time. I understand the need to be able to do one's own thing, I was totally absorbed by my career then (not now!) I only realised when I had children that they make you feel younger and give you a different perspective on life and the world within in and total uncritical love at all times no matter what your faults are.......... but dont feel pressured into having a child ...wait a little longer perhaps until you yourself are ready...... you will feel blessed. Wishing you well from across the pond.

 

[Sonia]

If you truely don't want kids don't let anyone pressure you into it. I have kids (7!!) and I love them dearly but it is TOUGH! Kids are a full time job X 10. If you want them and are able/willing to go through everything it takes to raise them, then by all means go for it! But if you don't, then you would be doing the child, yourself and hubby a disservice by having one that you don't want.

 

[AussieSharon]

Women don't HAVE to have kids so do what is right for you. My BIL & SIL are in their 40's, have been married 17 years and no kids. She even went as far to have her tubes tied in her 20's to make sure they wouldn't have kids. They just aren't "kid" people and their is nothing wrong with that.

I'd much rather see someone without kids than a non kid person get pressured into having kids and both them and the kids suffer for it for years to come. My father NEVER wanted kids. He was NOT a kid person, yet my Mum had 3. His answer..... ignore us! Kids aren't stupid, they soon learn they aren't really wanted. My siblings and I did at a young age. Don't get me wrong, Mum adored us but Dad couldn't have cared less. We always felt like we were in his way and he didn't want us around. He either couldn't or wouldn't be affectionate to us and I knew he resented my Mum for having us.

We intefered with his lifestyle. End result, we were all unhappy!

 

[WoodlandWoman]

There's no rule that the mother has to be the primary caretaker. I've known of two couples where it was the father that was the super nurturing parent. It worked for those couples. Their kids seem to have turned out alright. There are all kinds of mothers and all kinds of fathers.

Is your husband willing to be the primary caretaker? Would he stay at home with the child, while you are on a hunting vacation? Or take care of the child, doing other things, while you are out hunting during the day if it's a family trip? If he is motivated and mature enough to parent a child like that, it may work for you. If you talk about this a little more, you may also both discover that he wants a child, but not if he has to do a bunch of work!

Good luck on whatever you decide to do.

 

[Chirpy]

I'm a mom to eight wonderful children and we'd like more!

But, I have friends that just should never have kids ... they don't want them and that's just fine. Don't ever have a child because someone pressures you into it. Raising children is such an incredible journey and it's fun and it's frustrating and it's rewarding and it's tiring ... but it's not for everyone.

I too wonder if you and your hubby talked about this before marriage. If you were up front with your desire to never have children and he married you anyway then he should never pressure you into having children. He should enjoy all those other children and spend his time with them (without expecting you to join him and making sure you get his time first). If, however, he didn't know that you didn't want children then that's a different story. Not that you should give in and have children for him, you shouldn't, but .... there's a whole lot of talking that needs to be done between you two. Actually, you both need to sit down and talk all this through anyway. It sounds like you have a wonderful hubby ... so go sit down with him, give him a hug and start talking.

You may feel differently in five or ten years also. You may not. Don't give your hubby false hopes ... tell it like it is and work through this. Right now your marriage is the most important thing to put your time into.

God bless and good luck with whatever you two decide for your future.

 

[LuannKeller]

I was like you and never wanted kids. My husband and I agreed - NO KIDS. Oops, baby. I am sorry to say we consoled ourselves with the idea that it might still die before it was born. When I say the ultrasound and it looked like a little kitten, I started pulling for it not to die. My husband wanted to give it to someone who wanted one. But when I had her I started to really like her. For the first 10 days my mom cared for her and I wasn't too interested, but when mom went home, I got her to myself. She was like a puppy but welcomed in most places. Now she is 18 with 2 younger sisters and I am happy I did not get my way. She is my daughter and friend and I am glad she got dumped in my lap.

I wish you luck as you decide for yourself, but just remember that kids are a lot like chickens - funny, sweet, rotten, hard work, ungrateful, and a nice investment that can help you live longer.

I must also tell you that other people's kids will never charm you as your own will. You can raise yours to be a quiet reader, artistic, calm little darling who lives to hunt with you. Your child would be a reflection of you and your husband.