- Jul 14, 2009
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They walk among us. My personal least favorites: the Antagonist and Know-It-All. I fall into the category of space cadet.
So who's your least favorite - and which of these are you????
from: http://webuildpeople.ag.org/wbp_library/9508_difficult_people.cfm
There are several types of difficult people. Each has certain characteristics and requires different responses.
Busybody
Characteristics: He is zealous to police people's lives. He attempts to force others to conform to his expectations. He's judgmental, an overbearing warden, a meddler in other people's business, and a gossiper.
Response: Personally commit to giving and receiving only good reports. Refuse to give ear to his gossip. Confront him about the facts, and press him toward personal responsibility. Reprove, then rebuke him redemptively.
Antagonist
Characteristics: He is controlling and needs to shape his world. He's domineering, aggressive, hostile, hot-tempered, and intimidating. He's a bully who makes cutting remarks.
Response: Don't argue with him or listen to his opinions. Express your opinions, and don't be intimidated. Demonstrate strength without argument, and give him room and time to respond.
Indecisive
Characteristics: He is noncommittal, postpones decisions, ignores issues, and wants all the facts.
Response: Let him voice his concerns. Use face-to-face settings, offer alternatives, press for agreement in stages, and press for decision and action.
Complainer
Characteristics: He gripes but takes no action. His gripes may be real concerns, or he may feel powerless and refuse responsibility.
Response: Let him blow. Acknowledge his concerns, but don't agree or empathize. Ask problem-solving questions. Don't allow complaints to go unsettled.
Spoiler
Characteristics: He is negative and always says, "It won't work." He's critical, cynical, a wet blanket, a negative influencer, and an impossibility thinker. He finds problems and makes excuses for his lack of responsibility, saying, "It's just the way I am."
Response: Don't give him a platform to complain or make excuses. Counter his negativism with realistic optimism. Don't try to convince him. Work to influence the larger group toward positive action. Don't allow him to sway the group. Kindly express your confidence in him, but point out that change is a choice.
Dead Beat
Characteristics: He won't take risks and is fearful and lazy. He resists change, and he appears apathetic, disinterested, or bored.
Response: Ask open-ended questions and demand more than a yes or no answer. Draw out his perspectives, and press for conclusions and responses. State presumed conclusions to solicit responses.
Know-It-All
Characteristics: He is strongly opinionated, competitive, imposing, pompous, and intimidating. He often tries to make others feel foolish or dumb.
Response: Know your facts. Be factual and concrete about the issues. Ask how his facts bear on things, and ask him to restate his views. Allow him to save face when he is inaccurate, and deal with him alone when possible.
Mr. Nice Guy
Characteristics: He has a strong need for acceptance and approval and portrays reasonable support in public. He may be a totally different person in private. He accepts responsibility but doesn't follow through.
Response: Give approval, and help him express his true feelings. Work out task descriptions, and hold him accountable for tasks to help him follow through.
Volcano
Characteristics: He's unpredictable and tends to be unapproachable. he causes tension, and others are fearful and uncertain around him. He's explosive, insensitive, loud, and cutting.
Response: Be calm and poised. Remove him from the crowd, and give him time to blow. Don't argue or interrupt him. You may need to ask him to repeat the details later. Minimize his exaggerations. Remove hearsay, and deal only with facts, not emotion. Hold him accountable for his actions and those he has hurt.
Sherman Tank
Characteristics: He has a tendency to intimidate others. His "I'm right, you're wrong" attitude is insensitive and difficult to reason with. He strongly influences others.
Response: Assess the degree of influence he has, and evaluate the importance of the issue in conflict. If the issue has a direct or negative effect on others, it may be worth fighting for. Be direct, and be sure you have enough influence to fight for the issue.
Space Cadet
Characteristics: He lives in his own world and marches to a different drummer. He doesn't respond to normal motivations. Most feel frustrated working with the space cadet which causes much confusion.
Response: Don't be concerned about this type. Don't evaluate your leadership by his responses. Don't ask his opinions; don't place him in a team ministry; don't place him in a leadership position. Seek to develop his uniqueness.
Crybaby
Characteristics: He tends to pout, to be full of self-pity, to use moodiness to manipulate others, and to use the silent treatment to get his way. He is sometimes negative, often infantile, and usually irresponsible and hypersensitive.
Response: Tell him that moodiness is a choice. Teach him he is responsible for the atmosphere he creates. Don't patronize or enable his moodiness. Never reward or give undue attention to him. Expose him to people with real problems, and praise his positive ideas and actions. Ignore him when he pouts.
Garbage Collector
Characteristics: He is the most negative type. He gives himself over to negative emotions and loves to replay and nurse his injuries and victimization. He wants to hold on to his wounded spirit and collect negative garbage.
Response: Confront him about trying to speak on behalf of others. When he complains, make him give you names of those he is supposedly speaking for. Challenge his generalizations and exaggerations. If he has created a serious situation that needs to be resolved, expose him to leaders who have the authority to make the necessary decisions.
User
Characteristics: He manipulates others for personal gain, avoids personal responsibility, and demands time and energy from others. He often uses guilt to get his way and may appear weak and needy to get others' help.
Response: Set predetermined limits. Don't allow him to use others. Require responsibility and accountability, and don't feel guilty or obligated when a firm "no" is the best answer.
So who's your least favorite - and which of these are you????
from: http://webuildpeople.ag.org/wbp_library/9508_difficult_people.cfm
There are several types of difficult people. Each has certain characteristics and requires different responses.
Busybody
Characteristics: He is zealous to police people's lives. He attempts to force others to conform to his expectations. He's judgmental, an overbearing warden, a meddler in other people's business, and a gossiper.
Response: Personally commit to giving and receiving only good reports. Refuse to give ear to his gossip. Confront him about the facts, and press him toward personal responsibility. Reprove, then rebuke him redemptively.
Antagonist
Characteristics: He is controlling and needs to shape his world. He's domineering, aggressive, hostile, hot-tempered, and intimidating. He's a bully who makes cutting remarks.
Response: Don't argue with him or listen to his opinions. Express your opinions, and don't be intimidated. Demonstrate strength without argument, and give him room and time to respond.
Indecisive
Characteristics: He is noncommittal, postpones decisions, ignores issues, and wants all the facts.
Response: Let him voice his concerns. Use face-to-face settings, offer alternatives, press for agreement in stages, and press for decision and action.
Complainer
Characteristics: He gripes but takes no action. His gripes may be real concerns, or he may feel powerless and refuse responsibility.
Response: Let him blow. Acknowledge his concerns, but don't agree or empathize. Ask problem-solving questions. Don't allow complaints to go unsettled.
Spoiler
Characteristics: He is negative and always says, "It won't work." He's critical, cynical, a wet blanket, a negative influencer, and an impossibility thinker. He finds problems and makes excuses for his lack of responsibility, saying, "It's just the way I am."
Response: Don't give him a platform to complain or make excuses. Counter his negativism with realistic optimism. Don't try to convince him. Work to influence the larger group toward positive action. Don't allow him to sway the group. Kindly express your confidence in him, but point out that change is a choice.
Dead Beat
Characteristics: He won't take risks and is fearful and lazy. He resists change, and he appears apathetic, disinterested, or bored.
Response: Ask open-ended questions and demand more than a yes or no answer. Draw out his perspectives, and press for conclusions and responses. State presumed conclusions to solicit responses.
Know-It-All
Characteristics: He is strongly opinionated, competitive, imposing, pompous, and intimidating. He often tries to make others feel foolish or dumb.
Response: Know your facts. Be factual and concrete about the issues. Ask how his facts bear on things, and ask him to restate his views. Allow him to save face when he is inaccurate, and deal with him alone when possible.
Mr. Nice Guy
Characteristics: He has a strong need for acceptance and approval and portrays reasonable support in public. He may be a totally different person in private. He accepts responsibility but doesn't follow through.
Response: Give approval, and help him express his true feelings. Work out task descriptions, and hold him accountable for tasks to help him follow through.
Volcano
Characteristics: He's unpredictable and tends to be unapproachable. he causes tension, and others are fearful and uncertain around him. He's explosive, insensitive, loud, and cutting.
Response: Be calm and poised. Remove him from the crowd, and give him time to blow. Don't argue or interrupt him. You may need to ask him to repeat the details later. Minimize his exaggerations. Remove hearsay, and deal only with facts, not emotion. Hold him accountable for his actions and those he has hurt.
Sherman Tank
Characteristics: He has a tendency to intimidate others. His "I'm right, you're wrong" attitude is insensitive and difficult to reason with. He strongly influences others.
Response: Assess the degree of influence he has, and evaluate the importance of the issue in conflict. If the issue has a direct or negative effect on others, it may be worth fighting for. Be direct, and be sure you have enough influence to fight for the issue.
Space Cadet
Characteristics: He lives in his own world and marches to a different drummer. He doesn't respond to normal motivations. Most feel frustrated working with the space cadet which causes much confusion.
Response: Don't be concerned about this type. Don't evaluate your leadership by his responses. Don't ask his opinions; don't place him in a team ministry; don't place him in a leadership position. Seek to develop his uniqueness.
Crybaby
Characteristics: He tends to pout, to be full of self-pity, to use moodiness to manipulate others, and to use the silent treatment to get his way. He is sometimes negative, often infantile, and usually irresponsible and hypersensitive.
Response: Tell him that moodiness is a choice. Teach him he is responsible for the atmosphere he creates. Don't patronize or enable his moodiness. Never reward or give undue attention to him. Expose him to people with real problems, and praise his positive ideas and actions. Ignore him when he pouts.
Garbage Collector
Characteristics: He is the most negative type. He gives himself over to negative emotions and loves to replay and nurse his injuries and victimization. He wants to hold on to his wounded spirit and collect negative garbage.
Response: Confront him about trying to speak on behalf of others. When he complains, make him give you names of those he is supposedly speaking for. Challenge his generalizations and exaggerations. If he has created a serious situation that needs to be resolved, expose him to leaders who have the authority to make the necessary decisions.
User
Characteristics: He manipulates others for personal gain, avoids personal responsibility, and demands time and energy from others. He often uses guilt to get his way and may appear weak and needy to get others' help.
Response: Set predetermined limits. Don't allow him to use others. Require responsibility and accountability, and don't feel guilty or obligated when a firm "no" is the best answer.
