Why do I beat myself up about butchering a few cockerels.

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Your feelings are valid and I am not sure why you feel the need to deny compassion. Being heartless is nothing to be proud of, and having a conscience is nothing to be ashamed of. The question to me is, why not spare yourself and your animals and create a Humane solution, such as a bachelor pen?

Editing to say I'm very sorry to hear about your experience with your father. That was brave of you to share that. we are not always given the right direction by our parents, and sometimes as an adult we have to depart from their example. Don't be afraid to do that.
 
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I love this discussion because I have the very same feelings. I haven't been able to kill any of my chickens, other than via my vet when they were very ill. Logically, I know its silly to not eat pasture-raised, guardian dog watched, organically fed, incredibly happy chickens and instead eat chickens under cellophane that someone else raised and killed after only 42 days. As several people have said, a clean, fast, humane death is something we should all be lucky enough to have.

That said, I hope that the Covid virus brings the appropriate attention to the likely cause of the epidemic...the unforgivable wildlife trade that happens across Asia, and the US. It's not yet known if the source was a horseshoe bat itself or a pangolin that came into contact with the bat or its feces in that wet market in Asia, but it wasn't the animal's fault. You'll never see a pangolin in captivity unless you go to a special pangolin rescue in South Korea, visit the one woman scientist in Africa who has successfully raised them, or see them "under the table" in those horrid wet markets in Asia, because they die if they don't eat about 20k ants/pupae each day. Their only defense is to curl up into a ball (where humans - normally in Africa because they are all but gone in Asia - just pick them up and put them in a bag and take them to the illegal market). Their scales are keratin, like human hair and rhino horn...and yet it is used in Asia to treat everything from cancer symptoms to ED. Their meat is considered a delicacy to eat n Asia (what isn't?!), and they are the single most trafficked mammal on the planet. I feel like this virus is nature getting its revenge on us humans, and yet sadly...people who are dying are not likely the ones who have ever bought pangolin, or bat, or rhino horn, or ivory, or monkey, or civet cat (source of SARS outbreak), and on and on...but we're responsible for stopping those who do. Please take a moment to google pangolin if you're not familiar with them. That's a great thing to do when you're at home social distancing yourself.
 
You are not a weird-o. You are human. If you didn't feel bad it would be disconcerting.

We raise Katahdin Sheep for meat, and my husband does the butchering.

I'm currently struggling with the fate of one of our older breeding ewes. She has been a wonderful mother and is the leader of our flock. In February she gave birth to twins, we should have pulled her out of our breeding rotation last season...but we didn't. A week in her udders went wonky and we had to bottle feed the babies. Even though she wasn't nursing, she still cleaned and protected and looked over the twins. She is now hard to keep weight on, I don't want her to go through another winter. I also don't want her to get older and die a slow painful death. But still I feel bad about just ending her life. The worst part is she is too skinny from having the twins to consider eating. We are hoping she will fatten on the spring grass.


Ok so we butchered three 5 month old cockerel this morning. I feel bad. I hatched them and raised them. But with the virus I didn’t want to take them to the animal auction because of the risk although it hasn’t been reported in the area yet.. they were over breeding the hens, and fighting a little..


So please no harshness on this. I understand some are for food. I was raised on a farm and raising cattle for butchering is often what we did. I have a hard time with it when I get attached, this happened one year I refused to eat any beef for a long time. A calf had a hard birth and I took to spoil it. I begged dad not to butcher it.. he said suck it up.. lol. I just feel bad that animal trusted me and I go and kill it. Lol. Mind you that I am a hunter and go kill deer every year.
If it’s mine I have these crazy I feel bad feelings. If it’s not mine it doesn’t bother me..

I guess it’s different for me when raised.. its mixed feelings..

I know I am a weird-o
[/QUOTE
 
You are not a weird-o. You are human. If you didn't feel bad it would be disconcerting.

We raise Katahdin Sheep for meat, and my husband does the butchering.

I'm currently struggling with the fate of one of our older breeding ewes. She has been a wonderful mother and is the leader of our flock. In February she gave birth to twins, we should have pulled her out of our breeding rotation last season...but we didn't. A week in her udders went wonky and we had to bottle feed the babies. Even though she wasn't nursing, she still cleaned and protected and looked over the twins. She is now hard to keep weight on, I don't want her to go through another winter. I also don't want her to get older and die a slow painful death. But still I feel bad about just ending her life. The worst part is she is too skinny from having the twins to consider eating. We are hoping she will fatten on the spring grass.

I'd say your ewe has earned herself a nice retirement in the pasture. She is likely an asset to you in terms of leading the other sheep. I would not trade my oldest chickens for anything. they are always the first to warn the flock of predators, and always the first to train them. I never have to train the young chickens to come in or lay in a nest box because the older ones do it for me.
 
It's hard, period.
Especially the first time.
I hope you can see the good balance of it when you observe the peace in the flock and taste the delicious meat your grew for yourself.

Huge Kudos!!
Not being reported means nothing.
Incubation is long and testing is way way behind.
Pretend everyone is carrying it(and they may be), including you, and act appropriately.

This. For sure!
It is the cycle of life. I watch non-hunters complain about hunting as cruel, but eat cage raised chickens and cattle that live in confinement. I have a cattle fattening pen up the hill from my house and my wife was appalled how crowded and dirty the steers are while kept there. The mistreated life is what I find cruel for animals. Wild animals and your chickens lived a good life in comparison to that, so don't feel bad in that.

The same goes for people unaware of wildlife how nature treats them. They see a rabbit as a cute cuddle animal. I tell them the reality is every one of them you see will die violently. Hit by a car, in a foxes jaws and at worst case a hawk. I think besides burning alive the next worst death is being eaten while still alive by a hawk as it holds you down. I have seen little hawks do it to birds and cooper and redtails to other things. Most are lucky killed on being grabbed, some aren't so lucky. We seem to be disconnected from the reality of that is our societal bubbles for most people.

Remember how nature treats things and remember you have done a lot better for those animals than she would have given them.

I took my cockerels to the chicken sales once!
I watch as they were all carried out upside down by one or two legs - it looked like 6 in each hand.
from then on I decided I had to do the job myself and take responsibility. I tried to pluck, gut and and cook. My grandsons enjoyed but. Couldn’t. The smell stayed in my mind.
But I still kill all my roosters. I hand raise many and keep broody hens as well. But once they’re adult and pestering the hens or fighting its time.
I go and fetch one or two at night. I wrap them in a towel. Sit in the garden near their home.
a cut their head off with my garden secateurs.
Next morning I bury them in my vegetable garden which is consequently very productive.
 
Ok so we butchered three 5 month old cockerel this morning. I feel bad. I hatched them and raised them. But with the virus I didn’t want to take them to the animal auction because of the risk although it hasn’t been reported in the area yet.. they were over breeding the hens, and fighting a little..


So please no harshness on this. I understand some are for food. I was raised on a farm and raising cattle for butchering is often what we did. I have a hard time with it when I get attached, this happened one year I refused to eat any beef for a long time. A calf had a hard birth and I took to spoil it. I begged dad not to butcher it.. he said suck it up.. lol. I just feel bad that animal trusted me and I go and kill it. Lol. Mind you that I am a hunter and go kill deer every year.
If it’s mine I have these crazy I feel bad feelings. If it’s not mine it doesn’t bother me..

I guess it’s different for me when raised.. its mixed feelings..

I know I am a weird-o
Your not a weird-o - well not anymore than the rest of us. Anyone who raises chickens has a little weird in them. Anyway, when I need to cull, I either trade them (no affection for the new ones) with someone I trust for new ones; give a "two live" for "one butchered" deal, or on occasion a couple of birds for something I need/want.
 
Ok so we butchered three 5 month old cockerel this morning. I feel bad. I hatched them and raised them. But with the virus I didn’t want to take them to the animal auction because of the risk although it hasn’t been reported in the area yet.. they were over breeding the hens, and fighting a little..


So please no harshness on this. I understand some are for food. I was raised on a farm and raising cattle for butchering is often what we did. I have a hard time with it when I get attached, this happened one year I refused to eat any beef for a long time. A calf had a hard birth and I took to spoil it. I begged dad not to butcher it.. he said suck it up.. lol. I just feel bad that animal trusted me and I go and kill it. Lol. Mind you that I am a hunter and go kill deer every year.
If it’s mine I have these crazy I feel bad feelings. If it’s not mine it doesn’t bother me..

I guess it’s different for me when raised.. its mixed feelings..

I know I am a weird-o


I don't think you're a weirdo at all. Why don't you listen to your conscience? I don't understand why people fight so hard against what their heart tells them just because something as brutal as killing those we love has become "the norm". It's completely normal to feel bad, because killing a living being against his/her will—who has come to trust you—is NOT love. It's the opposite of love. I know that's a novel idea, and many will take offense, but think about it. You wouldn't take offense if you weren't conflicted too. 🤷‍♀️

We love our chickens, so we don't eat them. Simple. We don't take their eggs either. We give them back to them. We value their lives more than we value our tastebuds.

As for the deer you hunt, the reason it doesn't bother you is because you're looking at it from an anthropocentric point of view. You did not develop a relationship with these deer, so it doesn't bother YOU. But does it bother them? Heck, I'd say they'd rather live than have a bullet put through their hearts...Who wouldn't?

And now more than ever, why not try thinking about those we love? We already know that the reason COVID-19 jumped from animals to humans was because of our obsession with eating their corpses. If we were we living in a world where we treated non-human animals with a modicum of respect, we wouldn't be in this mess to begin with.

The reason your feelings are "mixed" is because it sounds like you weren't following your heart. It sounds like you're a kind and compassionate person. So be that person. Be who you would want standing up for YOU.
 
I ran a hunting website for years (stopped only because we now live so far out that our internet is to slow to upload anything) trying to reach out and encourage people to give it a try, educate those who didn't know how or why we do it, and entertain other hunters.
One of the messages I tried very hard to relay to other hunters was that we are all ambassadors of the sport. Each of our actions can either reinforce the anti-hunters stereotype of us as being rednecks with guns roaming the countryside shooting whatever poor defenseless animal we see. Or it can tear them down by showing the world that hunters do more to preserve and protect wildlife, not just game animals, than any other organization in the world.

When you care about something and are passionate about something, you treat it with respect and honor.

A hunter's celebration after a kill is not about joy in taking a life. Its about accomplishing a goal, completing the challenge (those animal's are not defenseless by the way), feeding your family, and sustaining/managing the population for the future.

A farmer's celebration at harvest time is not joy in the slaughter, but rejoicing in the bounty that a season of hardwork has provided.
Death is a part of life. Only when life is taken without purpose or the body is left to waste is it dishonorable.

Nice! With a little editing, that post is worthy of publication in a hunting magazine. 👍
 
As someone who eats meat, there is no way I can criticize someone who humanely culls and butchers. Should there ever come a day when I can completely eliminate meat from my diet, then and ONLY then could I not be a hypocrite about someone else.

I used to be a newspaper editor and reviewed books for our weekly farm publication. One of the books, Barry Estabrook's Pig Tales, made me quit eating pork. He described how intelligent pigs are, some were taught to play computer games. I guess I'm lucky that the books on chickens and cows weren't as well written!!

I immediately name all of my critters so they will be considered pets, not food. But I still buy a lot of chicken at the grocery store. Guess you're not the only weird-o.


Sorry... I'm confused... how do you humanely kill a living being who doesn't want to die?
 
Ok so we butchered three 5 month old cockerel this morning. I feel bad. I hatched them and raised them. But with the virus I didn’t want to take them to the animal auction because of the risk although it hasn’t been reported in the area yet.. they were over breeding the hens, and fighting a little..


So please no harshness on this. I understand some are for food. I was raised on a farm and raising cattle for butchering is often what we did. I have a hard time with it when I get attached, this happened one year I refused to eat any beef for a long time. A calf had a hard birth and I took to spoil it. I begged dad not to butcher it.. he said suck it up.. lol. I just feel bad that animal trusted me and I go and kill it. Lol. Mind you that I am a hunter and go kill deer every year.
If it’s mine I have these crazy I feel bad feelings. If it’s not mine it doesn’t bother me..

I guess it’s different for me when raised.. its mixed feelings..

I know I am a weird-o
I was raised in the hills of Virginia, so I understand. We were a self sufficient farm.
 
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