Why do most people marry?

[chickened]

To be honest I really had to scratch my head to figure out what your point was you have a tendency to use a lot of big words with no substance so forgive me if I miss your point.

I took what you said in essence that marriage is any copulation of 2 or more entities and the sky is the limit and if it doesn't fit a person's idea of what it is then one simply adjusts the definition to suit what ever combination one desires it to be and let it evolve. Which lead to my question if the US version is limited by conservative tradition which one do you believe to be better because most in other cultures are less attractive and most American women find the American version best. American women are not anxious to wear a burka. You are an American woman are you not? For a country founded in Biblical traditions I find traditional marriage of no surprise to be the predominant method of choice given all the laws surroud it. Which begs the question, why or to what end is it practical to buck the system for some self-centered bullheaded reason after all this is America do what you please but don't ruin it for us that prefer the traditional aspects of marriage by reducing it to co-habitation because it has more meaning than that to those that understand it.

I think Biblical traditional marriage gives women the best treatment possible over any other culture's practices considered a marriage. Point out a better one.

If I missed your point then I apologize and nevermind.

....I'm honestly not even sure how you got that out of what I typed.

 

[Spookwriter]

I was leafing through a book today and this quote
came up.


"I can not promise to love her for the rest of her life.
But I can promise to love her for the rest of my life."


That just seemed to fit this thread. My wife and I were
young when we married. This thing called love has endured
the years and grown beyond my wildest dream. Stronger
now than ever.

It's changed though the years. We've changed. Those two
young kids that we once were no longer exist. Somewhere
along the line, those kids became us.

For all the jokes, for all the laughing, for all the tears we've shared...
It's been a wonderful journey.


Spook...who will love her for the rest of his life

 

[redhen]

never mind..LOL

 

[CityGirlintheCountry]

Perhaps I am missing the point (or I'm just cranky), but I am starting to question why any woman gets married ever. Pretty much all of my married friends are worse off than before they married (and their husbands are way better off!!). From what I can tell, getting married for the woman means that the "I'll dote on you" years of having a boyfriend turn into having to do all the chores, raise the kids AND work a full time job, while the husband pretty much just goes to work and comes home to do his own thing. When the husband does randomly do some chore he expects a medal.

If it were just one friend or family member I would think that they got a dud, but it is pretty much every married couple of my generation. My parents' generation seems to be different. I went on a business trip this past week with a coworker and his wife (both in their mid-60s). The husband opened the car door for her both in and out, dropped us off at the door so we wouldn't have to walk in the freezing cold, carried her luggage for her (except for the lightest bag), got her coffee and snacks before he got his own, made sure that all her needs were seen to before his, and just generally was concerned about her welfare before he was concerned with his. (She also takes care of him in small, but consistently sweet ways.) In further talks I found out that their whole married life she has cooked the meals (she's a fabulous cook), but he has always done the dishes since she hates doing them. It was the sweetest thing watching them interact.

By comparison, a close friend is married to a guy that works 24 on/48 off. The other day she came home from teaching at 6pm (an almost 11 hour day at work) and had to run to the store on the way home to get ingredients for dinner. She dashed in the house with the three kids, got them started on baths and homework while she put together dinner and did some cleaning and started a load of laundry. She rushed around until she collapsed in bed at 10pm. Her husband? He had been off all day doing whatever and NOT doing chores. He's "scared" to wash the kids things. Supposedly he does the dishes, but she generally gets fed up with a sink full of dirty dishes and no clean dishes in the house and just does them.

She is not the only one. ALL of my friends do this. I fail to see why they don't kick their husbands tushes.

So I question why any woman in their right mind gets married. I'm old and single. I do all my cleaning and cooking and laundry. I do the yard chores or hire them done. I work a full time job and pay my own bills. If I got married apparently I would still have to do all that AND take care of all those chores for someone else too. The only benefit I can see is that marriage gets you is companionship and perhaps a little "loving", but there are other ways to accomplish both of those.

So other than the ephemeral "I luuuuvvvvv youuuuu" Valentine's day thing, I am beginning to question the whole deal. A boyfriend makes sense. A husband does not.

 

[Lothiriel]

I was leafing through a book today and this quote
came up.


"I can not promise to love her for the rest of her life.
But I can promise to love her for the rest of my life."


That just seemed to fit this thread. My wife and I were
young when we married. This thing called love has endured
the years and grown beyond my wildest dream. Stronger
now than ever.

It's changed though the years. We've changed. Those two
young kids that we once were no longer exist. Somewhere
along the line, those kids became us.

For all the jokes, for all the laughing, for all the tears we've shared...
It's been a wonderful journey.


Spook...who will love her for the rest of his life

Now I know where Trace Adkins got those lines for his song The Rest of Mine.

 

[redhen]

I was leafing through a book today and this quote
came up.


"I can not promise to love her for the rest of her life.
But I can promise to love her for the rest of my life."


That just seemed to fit this thread. My wife and I were
young when we married. This thing called love has endured
the years and grown beyond my wildest dream. Stronger
now than ever.

It's changed though the years. We've changed. Those two
young kids that we once were no longer exist. Somewhere
along the line, those kids became us.

For all the jokes, for all the laughing, for all the tears we've shared...
It's been a wonderful journey.


Spook...who will love her for the rest of his life

*sniffle sniffle* You are a good man, Spookie..

And you have a lucky wife..

 

[chickened]

You make some good points, all I can say is when you really love someone all those things you describe as doting become less burdensome and some even are enjoyable because you do them with each other. Cannot explain why something I once despised I now look forward to but here I am doing it.

Perhaps I am missing the point (or I'm just cranky), but I am starting to question why any woman gets married ever. Pretty much all of my married friends are worse off than before they married (and their husbands are way better off!!). From what I can tell, getting married for the woman means that the "I'll dote on you" years of having a boyfriend turn into having to do all the chores, raise the kids AND work a full time job, while the husband pretty much just goes to work and comes home to do his own thing. When the husband does randomly do some chore he expects a medal.

If it were just one friend or family member I would think that they got a dud, but it is pretty much every married couple of my generation. My parents' generation seems to be different. I went on a business trip this past week with a coworker and his wife (both in their mid-60s). The husband opened the car door for her both in and out, dropped us off at the door so we wouldn't have to walk in the freezing cold, carried her luggage for her (except for the lightest bag), got her coffee and snacks before he got his own, made sure that all her needs were seen to before his, and just generally was concerned about her welfare before he was concerned with his. (She also takes care of him in small, but consistently sweet ways.) In further talks I found out that their whole married life she has cooked the meals (she's a fabulous cook), but he has always done the dishes since she hates doing them. It was the sweetest thing watching them interact.

By comparison, a close friend is married to a guy that works 24 on/48 off. The other day she came home from teaching at 6pm (an almost 11 hour day at work) and had to run to the store on the way home to get ingredients for dinner. She dashed in the house with the three kids, got them started on baths and homework while she put together dinner and did some cleaning and started a load of laundry. She rushed around until she collapsed in bed at 10pm. Her husband? He had been off all day doing whatever and NOT doing chores. He's "scared" to wash the kids things. Supposedly he does the dishes, but she generally gets fed up with a sink full of dirty dishes and no clean dishes in the house and just does them.

She is not the only one. ALL of my friends do this. I fail to see why they don't kick their husbands tushes.

So I question why any woman in their right mind gets married. I'm old and single. I do all my cleaning and cooking and laundry. I do the yard chores or hire them done. I work a full time job and pay my own bills. If I got married apparently I would still have to do all that AND take care of all those chores for someone else too. The only benefit I can see is that marriage gets you is companionship and perhaps a little "loving", but there are other ways to accomplish both of those.

So other than the ephemeral "I luuuuvvvvv youuuuu" Valentine's day thing, I am beginning to question the whole deal. A boyfriend makes sense. A husband does not.

 

[CityGirlintheCountry]

You make some good points, all I can say is when you really love someone all those things you describe as doting become less burdensome and some even are enjoyable because you do them with each other. Cannot explain why something I once despised I now look forward to but here I am doing it.

I understand why the women in love do all those things. I too do unpleasant "chores" for those I love and I do them willingly. It just seems really one sided in all the relationships I have seen in my generation. These couples are all still married. None are talking about divorce at this point. Likely all will stay married for whatever reason. I just don't see that it is a benefit to most women. It seems like once the ring is on her finger the man thinks his job is done. I'm not seeing that these couples are doing the onerous tasks with each other. I'm seeing that the wife is doing it all.

If I thought getting married would mean "sharing the burden" I might be convinced. I just don't see that happening. I see that the burden shifts all to one person. Dunno.

 

[Moochie]

I wanna get married one day. Why?
Cuz he will be an excellent man! He will be my perfect everything! It just seems like a tying of our hearts for life. Or some other cheesy definition like that. I certainly wouldn't my perfect someone being flocked by other women (or men) because they don't see he's married.

 

[chickened]

You cannot keep score, it will lead to a competition which requires an adversary. I will admit all men do not live up to the requirements but that is when the woman is the best when she is his helper and the satisfaction comes when she sees the fruit of her labor and rejoices in it privately. It took me a while to figure out what pleases my wife is way different then what pleased me but during those years I was always looking at my needs and not hers. When I tend to her needs and she tends to my needs we are complete which relates to this thread as one facet of the marriage committment, you know "for better or for worse". Sometimes it does seem lopsided but when you love unconditionally as in your vow you do not give up... easily.