Why do they cheat?

[I have WHAT in my yard?]

I ask, "Why do they stay??"

You cheat you gone.

 

[AngieChick]

It's selfishness, pure and simple. There may even be a smattering of self importance thrown in for good measure. The self importance can lead to disrespect towards the other person and a feeling of entitlement, clearing the way for cheating.

His decision to cheat had nothing to do with you and everything to do with him.

 

[HHandbasket]

Hi. I am so sorry you got hurt. That's an awful thing to have to bear. Been to that rodeo myself once or twice--it's a sinking feeling, being cheated on. Big hugs to you.

I am going to be really unpopular here, though, about the girl he cheated WITH. Someone earlier in the thread mentioned that she likely knew about you... that's not necessarily true. Many, many, MANY years ago, I met this man through some friends... nice guy, nice looking, single, self-employed, no kids, dressed fairly decent, very smart and a great conversationalist. We hit it off right away. A few months later, we got closer and started dating. Things kept going great. I'd been to his house, he'd been to my house, we'd go places and do things together, and things started getting really cozy. I was falling in love.

Then.... I got hit in the head. Whenever I would come over to his place, I later found out he would "hide" certain photographs and things. What kinds of photographs, you wonder? Oh, I dunno, maybe pictures of him and his wife, her family and relatives, etc. I had spent probably half a dozen nights sleeping in that bed and had NO idea. I found out about the wife by accident, was going over to his house one day out of the blue and he insisted I NOT come over right now, no matter what, and.... the wife picked up the phone in the other room and said, "Honey, who are you talking to?" To this day, I remember the feeling of my stomach going all the way down to my feet, then coming back up and sproinging on the base of my brain, then settling back into the center of my gut and wanting to vomit.

The "other woman" doesn't always know. It is sometimes as painful and shocking to her, as well. I know it was to me. I had let this guy in my life and he had become part of my kids' lives, as well. It was really hard to explain it to them at the time. It took a long time to get over that, but I finally did learn to trust again and met and married a wonderful man who doesn't cheat. He is my best friend.

You can and WILL find that. Everybody deserves that kind of commitment, and I hope you will find the love you deserve. Hugs to you!

 

[welsummerchicks]

The plain fact is, that some people are just never 'taken'.

You said why do they cheat when they are 'already taken', and I just don't think some people are.

They just easily get intrigued with someone else and wander off, that's all. They don't have the sort of feeling about staying with someone. They just do whatever comes up at the moment.

On the other hand....I think a great many people get involved with someone because of, oh let's call it 'chemistry'. That 'chemistry' only lasts for a little while, and then people tend to move on.

Others really are unhappy, genuinely unhappy, in the relationship they have, men AND women. A great many people get involved, that aren't suitable for each other, and then it can take a very long time for them to go their separate ways.

My cousin has a great need for love and affection, encouragement, and needs to talk a lot to someone that really listens. She very highly values a person's emotions, and their emotional needs. To her, a hug is as good as a million dollars. She constantly has great ideas - they may not be practical, and she may not wind up doing them, but they give her a great deal of comfort when things are going wrong, say, during the loss of a loved one. She's into eastern religions, and would love to travel all over the world, but can't afford it, so chatters on about it. Like it or not, that's how she is.

And she hooked up with a guy who has all the exact opposite values. He thinks her emotions are stupid, her ideas are stupid, and why get choked up when someone dies, it's their time, and eastern religions are stupid.

How do you think they are going to stay together, and for how long?

 

[mamaof2]

Quote:
Thanks for sharing, Moochie. Unfortunately, I have some experience in this issue. I have found that this is not a behavior issue, but a values issue. Someone who believes there is EVER a REASON to cheat will always be looking for a reason. You can't change your values like you change underwear. Either it is ok, or it is not. So if someone you consider dating says they have EVER cheated or they believe there are justifiable reasons to cheat, RUN!!!!!

And that person did you a huge favor by being honest. Definitely not a reason to stick around, but a reason to be thankful.

 

[WriterofWords]

Cheating knows no gender boundary, it is a lack of moral fortitude. Be glad you found out, don't waste your time plotting revenge, get over it and move on and consider it a lesson learned. The only people who benefit from your constant worry about it is them knowing how much they hurt you.

 

[Damummis]

http://www.hulu.com/watch/33540/moonstruck-why-men-chase-women

 

[zippitydooda]

To start with, I'm in my 50's, so you'll probably think I'm OLD.... but here goes anyhow:

People cheat on themselves. What I mean is when a person is in a relationship and they have agreed to be exclusive, the person cheating is sabotaging (ruining) the relationship. Most times the cheater is very VERY insecure and needs to be told often (and often by many people) how special they are. They crave love (as we all do) but don't believe they deserve it and therefore do everything in their power to mess a good thing up.

That said, most people who cheat seem like they have huge egos, but I really think it is the insecurity driving them.

Personally, I think the most attractive feature a potential mate can have is confidence in themselves. If they are confident, they will be sure to make decisions that they have given much thought to, and will consider all those they hold dear.

I hope my perspective gives you something to think about. Good luck.

 

[Beekissed]

My personal theory:

Most men merely wade waist deep into love, most women go in over their heads until they can't touch bottom.

Alot of the wading men think they are swimming because they are getting their... er...waistline...wet but they never actually swim, so they have no concept of how deep love really is or should be. They think they are deep in it just because it feels good around their waistline.

Women must go into the water above their chest/heart and quite a few plunge in because they think their man is going to be swimming right beside them. They gladly plunge in and swim deeply, swimming into love with all their heart and soul. One day they realize that he is still safely near the bank with his feet on solid ground....easier to leave the water altogether from there. Easier to go wading in another pool to see if it feels just as good.

Then the woman is left treading water and feeling like she is going to drown.

Trust me...you are merely becoming a great swimmer and he won't ever learn to dog paddle. One day you may meet someone who will be a lifeguard and jump in to save you next time you take the plunge. Until then, just get out and lie in the sun awhile.... never fear, time wounds all heels.