why is it family seems to hurt you and disappoint you the most?

[Dar]

I will give you the short version of the story:

My sister 9 years older then I am. In 1998 she sent and email by "accident" in this email she was supposed to be talking to her friend and she said "the reason you will never meet my sister(meaning me) and my parents is because they embarrass me. They are unhealthy obese slobs and I would really like to forget that they are my blood family"

I got this email instead of her friend. so needless to say it caused a family feud and we all stopped talking to her for years until my Aunt let it slip I had another baby and my sister came knocking on my door all in tears saying the email was sent when she was in a bad time in her life... bla bla bla

2004 my mother is involved in a MAJOR accident. I live 3 hours away my sister lives 20 minutes away and yet I was the one who was @ my moms 3X a week helping her bathe, clean the house, everything that she could not do because she could not move her right side due to broken bones, torn tendons and muscles ect...

2007 my son tells me he was sexually assaulted by a family friend from 2001-2002. My sister blames me.. she says "how could you let this happen?" "How do you not know this is going on?"... (GEE thanks sis!) within a week of making the statement my niece who is the same age as my son (she CRAVES to be the center of attention) she texts my son knowing full well what we are going through and says she is going to kill herself the knife it sitting right there and sends him a pic of the knife on MSN. I say poo on that and call the cops (remember this is 3 hours away from me) the cops bust down her door and find her giggling with her friend with a knife sitting by the computer. My sister flips on me saying I over reacted I should have called her first... I did try to call her 23X in 10 minutes but her phone was off! so I called the cops.

I decided right then and there I no longer want my sister or my niece in my life I cant take it they are negative people and I dont have room in my life for that

2008 my mom is diagnosed with breast cancer and my sister comes riding in on a white horse and takes my mom to all of her appointments and is there for her when she is going through this and to be honest I am glad because I was in Nursing school at the time and could not take the time off (but for the 15 years past she could care less about my parents)


Dec 2010 my moms house burns down.. remember I got custody of the dog till the repairs are done my parents choose to stay at my sisters.. and thats ok cause I can only take my dad in small doses

When my mom get her move in date... this weekend... All I asked her to do was not try and force my sister and I to be in the same room.. dont try and pull off a happy family BBQ case thats what she was planning because it wont work.. I still dont have room to allow her darkness in my life. ...

what does she go and do?... yep you guessed it she blind sided me after I just drive 3 hours with all her stuff in the back of my truck I pull up and see my sisters car.. I calmly unloaded and told my kids to get in the truck we have stuff to do... I pulled my mom aside as said to her "I asked you not to do this!" and I left... my dad calls me 4 hours later and tells me how upset my mom is... boo freekin whooo.. I asked her not to do it she did and I will not stand there and allow my children to bond with someone so selfish and negative as my sister

sorry guys i just needed to vent...

 

[vanilla.exe]

That is a tough situation. Your mom was probably just trying to do what she thought was best by having her girls together, but she also needs to understand why you've cut your sister out of your life. Sorry to hear about all of your troubles, here's another

 

[fuzziebutt]

I am an adult, and I had a life altering surgery a few years ago. That made me take stock of the relationships that I have in my life. I have completely cut one of my brothers out (it would be another one too, but he won't stay gone), and my stepmother. I miss these people, I do so love them. But when they cause so much BS in my life with nothing but tongues wagging and gossip, then they are gone. I miss my dad because he is sticking up for my stepmom, and that is his perogative. But for sanity, this was the best way for me. It's something to consider! My grown children have good relationships with these family members, and if I run up on them in public, I am nice and hug them. But for my day to day life, they have theirs and I have mine. And we don't mix!

 

[Dar]

Quote:
I will talk civil to my sister but I dont want her in my life... she is a vortex of negative energy

 

[chickenlover54]

 

[pdsavage]

Just cause they are family does not mean we have to put up with them....

 

[Gardengirl 2011]

That's a whole lot on your plate! Sorry you're having to deal with this kind of situation, but nobody knows what's best for you better than you. And toxic family is best kept at a distance I too have learned.

 

[punk-a-doodle]

There are many reasons why family can cause much deeper hurt than we would allow others to. It can be very positive to cut off or limit negative relationships. My only suggestion would be to learn how to be at peace with whatever the people you have cut off from do (ie. Avoid tallying of who visits mom when she is sick). Best of luck finding that balance and release.

 

[debilorrah]

Dar. I could say alot to all that, but the ONE thing I want you know in your heart: You are NOT alone. We can talk offline sometime. I believe your sister and my mother have been seperated at birth.

 

[Sierra pachie bars]

Wow ! I agree family always finds ways to disspoint. I learned they are never there when you need them. Yet they always expect you to be. If not how dare you.
I finally had it. I used to send cards to my sister in law who has lupus as well as fibromyalgia. Mind you I also have some illnesses . I have been in and out of the hospital three times this year. Yet she has not as much as called . I do get texts asking for prayers for her kids when they get dental work or things like that.
Then my other sister in law one day sent me a random hate email. I do not do enough for her family and blah blah. I am a b - word and so forth. So i did not respond. Just figured ok then. Then I get another hate email from my neice. She went off on how I deleted her family on facebook. Which I didn't , they deleted me actually.
She got me so upset, i ended up in the hospital. Seems I had a medication imteraction them add that with being really upset. My resting heart rate was 290. So I figured then and there I would not let them hurt me anymore. They always would come around when they wanted something. So i stopped being so giving. And guess what now they do not even know I am alive. I just figure their loss.
I think just there gets a time they either need to wise up and stop if they want to be part of my life.
They have not supported me even a little. So what do i owe them ?
I am a lot happier cutting them out. Its a lot less drama thats for sure.
I got blessed and have some friends that are supportive and there for me. So those are who I want around me.
Sorry you are dealing with family like that. I would just say this is how it is. So stop or you wont have me to push around anymore.