Would you be offended.

[the simple life]

Where are they living right now? You mentioned that she finally called to tell you that you were invited so does that mean she does not live with you? If that is the case does she live with his family?
If so that may be why they think they have the right to plan the reception.
Are you normally on good terms with her?
Have you sat down and talked to her about what is really going on here.
What is her reason for not wanting to wait until she graduates or until they can afford a nicer wedding?
I think you should try to get together with her, maybe go out for lunch and try to get inside her head and see what is going on and if there is anything you can do about it.
Tell her how hurt you are, its the daughter's family who usually gets to plan the wedding and how you always looked forward to doing that with her.
If she agreed to put off the wedding to a later date could you afford to give her a nicer wedding?
If you could then it might be an option, it will buy you some time to save the money and be able to plan the wedding with your daughter and buy them time to grow up more.
If that is something you are interested in doing you could just explain that you are disappointed because you always thought this would be a special time for the two of you and she may regret not having the kind of wedding she always wanted etc.
Threats and ultimatums don't work when kids that age have their minds made up so you would have to make another option much more attractive to her.
On the other hand if this is not what you want then there really isn't much you can do about them getting married on their own.
I would just be leery of alienating her too much because if their is grandkids in the picture later on you will want to be a part of their lives.

I know having kids can be tough, I have a whole slew of them myself and some are tougher than others.
The person that said "raising kids is like being pecked to death by a chicken" is fairly accurate at times.

 

[Cindiloohoo]

Quote:
Because it's just THAT crazy..lol! I'm offended by that too, but what can you do? AND I have a 12 year old step DD watching EVERY MOVE!! But....daddy says it's okay....

 

[PurpleChicken]

Is this where the line for Tennessee jokes starts??

 

[fordmommy]

Don't forget how you felt when you were 18 years old. You were an adult no matter what older people said. And she is. She needs to be able to make her own mistakes. I'm not saying that what they are doing is the smartest thing. We all know it's not. but now remember......REMEMBER what it was like being 18 years old!

 

[77horses]

Oh and no matter how mad and frustrated you are about it all, remember that she is your daughter and you need to let her know that are not happy at all about it and you are disappointed in both her and the boy's (and his family's) thinking. They are obviously not thinking clearly about the huge responsibility and risks they are taking. For one, not really and honestly thinking it over can result in an unsuccessful marriage and hurt feelings between everyone-your family and the boy's family. Think about your daughter's future and how it can turn out if she gets married now without thinking.
Even after you talk to her and the boy's family about your thoughts and feelings about it (try to stay calm and don't get angry, but be as stern and understanding as possible...), if they still don't see what they are doing and that it's not really the best thing to do for themselves and everyone else involved, explain to your daughter that you want the best for her (you do, right?) and that if she makes the wrong decision, that's her fault. She needs to learn from her mistakes. And you won't be there to catch her every time when she falls and give her everything she wants when it was her decision she made. If she needs to learn the hard way, then so be it. But you should be there to help her when she really needs it.

 

[19Dawn76]

I guess we run a really tight ship around here. That is just stuff and nonsense and i would not put up with in my house. If I were you I would make "Daddy" get on the same page with me. Next thing she will be pregnant and there is another teen raising kids on welfare. College will be the last thing on her mind.

 

[Intheswamp]

Hmmm, normally the bride's family has to basically pay for the wedding and reception....groom's family pays for the rehearsal dinner.

Well, if nothing else just don't eat anything for breakfast or lunch and show up at the reception *really* HUNGRY!!!!!!

Seriously though, I would be more concerned with the youngsters entering into something that they appear ill prepared for rather than the reception. Too many people are taking marriage too lightly these days...and the divorce rates and kids with parents that don't live together anymore show it.

Maybe you could suggest some pre-marriage counseling for them? Let the "other side" handle the punch and cake and mints and you take the highroad looking out for their well being. Showing them love and truthfully showing your care and concern for them and their future will be remembered. If they're still together twenty years down the road (which I pray they will be) I can pretty well tell you what they'll remember about the time of their wedding. Just a thought.

Ed

 

[PurpleChicken]

Is it occurring to anyone else here that the other family gets rid of a kid in this deal? Watch the motives.


Jerry's people called. They want to do lunch.

 

[CityGirlintheCountry]

Daddy may have told them that they can move in with you, but I bet nothing was said about standard of living once they get there. Her hiney and his would be paying for their own food, doing their own laundry and be responsible for the bulk of the housecleaning since they are living rent free. No car, no car insurance payment, no money for school clothes, no money for anything. Once she is married, she is officially a grown up. She is 18 and married. In the eyes of the law she is an independent adult at that point. Tell her to go for it and good luck.

 

[19Dawn76]

Quote:
You are cracking me up! Can I get a Tennessee joke?