Would you?

[arabianequine]

not buy your child gifts for bday/Christmas etc if you never heard from or seen them or should we still? They are all adults and don't reciprocate or show us the same respect or any for that matter. We are not given the time of day to even see or call us....in a year and half now. What contact has been made is by us.

We feel we should not like we have been doing but is it right or wrong, we wonder often?

 

[Souperchicken]

From what you've written, I don't think you need to send a gift, but I think a handwritten card or phone call would be appropriate and thoughtful. Also, I don't think it's a matter of right or wrong to send a gift, just personal preference. I really think gifts are overrated on both occasions and really it's the thought that matters.
I do think if you are sending a gift to any of your children, you should be fair and send one to all of them, if that makes sense. Kind of an all or nothing type thing. I know nothing about your situation so feel free to disregard any of this. Have they asked for no contact from you? Is there some specific reason they are acting this way?

I do think you should acknowledge them and show that you care, even if you feel they are undeserving of it. Sounds like you are doing that already and keeping in contact. Sorry they are so disrespectful.

 

[SourRoses]

Gifts are over-rated..
Also... Gifts should be given from your heart.
If they aren't coming from your heart in one way or another... you shouldn't give them. You will just end up resenting it later.

Instead... why don't you spend the time and money on the gifts your giving to those who are in your life

 

[arabianequine]

Quote:
They are my husbands girls and they are on my fb and I do talk to them on very rare occasion. I do tell them happy bday on there. They live with their mom about an hour from us....and have not been to our house to visit in 1 1/2 years. No they have not asked us not to contact them. Yes we believe they do cause we don't approve of the things they do or want to do and their mom lets them do whatever they want cause they are "adults". We cause to much drama and are to strict is really what it comes down too.

I do see and talk to my son and I do get him presents for his bday and xmas. My husband and him do not get a long and they don't talk either.

 

[arabianequine]

Quote:
I like that and we do but just often wonder if we are doing the right thing.

Thank you for the encouraging reminders.

 

[Mattemma]

I would not. Maybe ONCE I would send a card with maybe a gift card in it,but if I got no response then no never again.Might call and give well wishes,but if the response was *cold* then no.

I do not expect anything on my birthday except well wishes and no fighting,lol.

 

[welsummerchicks]

Quote:
I might, but if I did, I'd tell them why, and what I wanted if they wanted gifts.

'If you want Christmas presents from me, you're going to have to spend the day, on Thanksgiving and Easter with me'.

I'd be specific and clear. It's kind unfair to spring it on Christmas eve or Christmas day, or to keep 'upping the rule' as time goes on. 'No, that wasn't enough time, you left too early on Thanksgiving', etc.

The other thing is, if they really are busy, it's important to be understanding and flexible. For years I had a job where they literally owned me - it's important to understand that young people often have jobs that demand an immense amount of time and energy from them- that might interfere with them calling or even, having the energy for anything else. When you're single - even at some companies when you're married and don't have sufficient seniority, you're going to be working holidays.

 

[TinyChickenLady]

With them not being around for over a year, how would you even know what to get them?
You would end up getting them something that they don't like or want and then you're bad parents for not reading their minds. It's happened in my family.
Your best choice is to send a card and (if you want) an invite to a Christmas party or whatever. Believe me, it will save you a lot of grief in the long run if you just avoid buying gifts. If they ask why you didn't spend more money on them, just explain that they haven't been around to share their interests and likes and whatnot so you didn't know what to get them. Or you can be buntly honest like I would be

 

[Chickerdoodle13]

Quote:
They are my husbands girls and they are on my fb and I do talk to them on very rare occasion. I do tell them happy bday on there. They live with their mom about an hour from us....and have not been to our house to visit in 1 1/2 years. No they have not asked us not to contact them. Yes we believe they do cause we don't approve of the things they do or want to do and their mom lets them do whatever they want cause they are "adults". We cause to much drama and are to strict is really what it comes down too.

I do see and talk to my son and I do get him presents for his bday and xmas. My husband and him do not get a long and they don't talk either.

X2. A nice note would probably make you feel good and doesn't require giving a gift, which I defintiely would NOT do.

 

[conny63malies]

My husbands oldest kids are married so they wont get anything, but their kids will. Something really loud and noisy.