Writing goals

[notabitail]

I shouldn’t have done this
Now I’m seeing it and it’s bothering me and I TOLD myself I wasn’t gonna edit yet but now I really want to…
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Swap gaze for eyes before your gaze glazes over.

 

[Isabella7Storm5]

I shouldn’t have done this
Now I’m seeing it and it’s bothering me and I TOLD myself I wasn’t gonna edit yet but now I really want to…
View attachment 4291645

OTHER THAN THAT
I really love that character
I think he’s doing great as a secondary villain type character

 

[Isabella7Storm5]

Swap gaze for eyes before your gaze glazes over.

Uuuhhhh…no

 

[notabitail]

Uuuhhhh…no
View attachment 4291650

Vision spheres then.

 

[Somewhere_In_The_Clouds]

Okay, on that though, changing from Stephen to Thing, how much do you think I can get away with repetitive stuff? Because she's allowed to do that... to a point, obviously. The repetitive word I've noticed with her is "look" because when she's not talking... or just observing... That one annoys me sometimes.
Repetitive action would be "flicking" her wings. Because she doesn't have a ton of emotional indicators, at least that I've worked out, and this covers a lot of emotions depending on context. I try to word it differently when I can...

...
I just remember that I don't think that's her most repetitive action actually
It would be closing her eyes

 

[Isabella7Storm5]

...
I just remember that I don't think that's her most repetitive action actually
It would be closing her eyes

This is why I don’t write animals anymore

 

[Somewhere_In_The_Clouds]

This is why I don’t write animals anymore

I don't think it has to do with her being non human Has to do with her not wanting to deal with life

Spoiler

 

[Lacy Duckwing]

Okay, on that though, changing from Stephen to Thing, how much do you think I can get away with repetitive stuff? Because she's allowed to do that... to a point, obviously. The repetitive word I've noticed with her is "look" because when she's not talking... or just observing... That one annoys me sometimes.
Repetitive action would be "flicking" her wings. Because she doesn't have a ton of emotional indicators, at least that I've worked out, and this covers a lot of emotions depending on context. I try to word it differently when I can...

On some repetitive action, I do think you can get away with some. On her flicking her wings, that sounds like it's something you can get away with, but still be careful. It being tied to a specific emotion does help, because readers will notice that as an indicator of her feeling a specific way. But, it shouldn't be left to be your only indicator, and you should never come out and say exactly how she feels. (Examples: She flickered her wings happily. "Flickered" is a good enough verb to show she's happy. She beat her wings angrily. "Beat" is a good enough verb to show she's mad. To cut the repetitiveness, you could just write, She stormed at him, or She spun around, heat rising against her neck. )

As far as "look," yes, I use that a bit much myself, but it's a word that should be cut entirely. When you "look" at something, you don't think about actually looking, you describe what you see. In writing, it's helpful to just describe what they see. I am still working on that myself, so I'm not entirely sure where we can have some playroom, like He glared, or He stared at the wall, the wall paper peeling, each loose piece bending under the weight of the years collecting dust.

 

[Somewhere_In_The_Clouds]

I'm going to write something else for a bit

 

[Lacy Duckwing]

...
I just remember that I don't think that's her most repetitive action actually
It would be closing her eyes

And then you forget her eyes were closed and start writing things that she could only describe if she saw it, then write her closing her eyes when they're already closed... I've done that too many times.

I don't think it has to do with her being non human Has to do with her not wanting to deal with life

Spoiler

That's actually beautiful. Maybe there's places it needs to be cut, but I wouldn't cut that piece.