Your opinion? My ex's girlfriend kisses my 6 yr old on the lips

[kees]

I'm quite happy with my lawyer. One problem is that the court systems are so slooooowwww. The law guardian who has her own prejudices can delay things too. (Why not? I have to pay of her legal fees?) Now, both parents have to go a forensic evaluation, again. More money. I'm not too happy about our legal system. It often feels like the people with the most money to throw around fare better in legal cases than the people with more limited resources.

Suzy

 

[scbatz33]

Quote:
Unfortunately it doesn't work that way at all. My sister and BIL have spent literally years going in and out of court and thousands upon thousands of dollars on lawyers, doctors, therapists, etc all to no avail. The "mother" if my BIL kids is constantly filing false reports of abuse, neglect and generally complaints about money, visitation, schools, anything and everything she can think of.

They used to have shared time, then she signed them away to have just visitation and then like 2 years later changed her mind and fought to have full visitation. She had the kids tell the pediatrician that they were abused and after a long court battle and my BIL being exonerated, He just gave up. He signed them over since they were doing everything the "mother" told them to do to cause real trouble for my BIL.

The worst part is my sis and BIL did EVERYTHING for those kids. They had them in scouts and sports. Both sis and BIL were coaches and leaders. They had them in a real good private school. They built a HUMONGOUS house for them all to live in. They took them on vacations and were totally involved in school and stuff.

Their "mom" didn't even give the girl a birthday party for her 13th B-day last month. She and her 5th husband bought the child a card!!!! They don't participate in any school activities. They don't let them participate in sports or scouts. They go on vacation and leave the kids behind. It's absolutely awful!

And all the court system has done is tell my BIL to watch himself and he can't reprimand his kids, no punishment of any kind no matter what they do wrong. The "mom" has never been punished, penalized or reprimanded in any way.

 

[Judy]

Quote:
This has most certainly been my experience. Actually, I feel that the only lawyers who will actually work for you are paid in six figures or more. If you are happy with yours, you are fortunate.

I'm not going to recount my experience with this kind of stuff, but I do have some. Suffice to say, some things have become evident to me here:

Kids over about 4 yrs are well aware of who the good and bad guys are. They may develop preferences about where they want to live based on who can buy the best car or video games -- or where they feel they need to live in order to care for a younger sibling. This has nothing to do with who they develop the strongest long term bond with.

If the child really has no problem with the lip kissing, or any other activity going on, then you should not. If she does, then you should. You are her advocate. (I don't believe there is any such thing as a child who has no problem with sexual molestation, in case someone reads this into my statement.) The lip kissing does feel to me like a manipulative behavior on the part of the stepmom. But how does it feel to the child? You already said she says she does not mind.....

It is at least highly likely that your ex is using the child to punish you. Hard for a lawyer to make any real use of this, unfortunately. You probably can't do much about this except to make it clear to the child whose side you are on: hers, not yours or his.

Most or all states have a set age at which a child can choose who they want to live with, or an age usually accepted by the courts. You need to know what this is where you live, if you don't.

It actually feels to me like the lip kissing is just a drop in the bucket of the whole issue of where the child would prefer to live, or would be better off.

Good luck.

 

[HennysMom]

Quote:
Unfortunately it doesn't work that way at all. My sister and BIL have spent literally years going in and out of court and thousands upon thousands of dollars on lawyers, doctors, therapists, etc all to no avail. The "mother" if my BIL kids is constantly filing false reports of abuse, neglect and generally complaints about money, visitation, schools, anything and everything she can think of.

They used to have shared time, then she signed them away to have just visitation and then like 2 years later changed her mind and fought to have full visitation. She had the kids tell the pediatrician that they were abused and after a long court battle and my BIL being exonerated, He just gave up. He signed them over since they were doing everything the "mother" told them to do to cause real trouble for my BIL.

The worst part is my sis and BIL did EVERYTHING for those kids. They had them in scouts and sports. Both sis and BIL were coaches and leaders. They had them in a real good private school. They built a HUMONGOUS house for them all to live in. They took them on vacations and were totally involved in school and stuff.

Their "mom" didn't even give the girl a birthday party for her 13th B-day last month. She and her 5th husband bought the child a card!!!! They don't participate in any school activities. They don't let them participate in sports or scouts. They go on vacation and leave the kids behind. It's absolutely awful!

And all the court system has done is tell my BIL to watch himself and he can't reprimand his kids, no punishment of any kind no matter what they do wrong. The "mom" has never been punished, penalized or reprimanded in any way.

Wow. I dont know where ya'll live but with the people I know that have gone through divorce with children here in VA that have done similar things (as always happens it seems with divorce and kids:/ ) the judge usually has put a stop to it after repeated "suits/claims"

I feel bad for ya'll if thats the case. Thats tragic.

 

[Whispering Winds]

Quote:
Me either. . .I would stop it. What does your daughter say about it? I know there are cultures that do kiss family on the lips, but doubt if that is the case here? This could just be her way of "in your face" to you. . .

 

[kees]

My daughter says that she likes it when her father's girlfriend kisses her on the lips; she doesn't understand why no one else, but her father, has been kissed on the lips.

Suzy

 

[amysue2012]

I think they are just trying to get under your skin...Ive been through alot of what your talking about with the courts and all. I know its not easy but try to stay calm and jump when the courts say to.

Im not sure how old your daughter is but she will eventually see things for herself in the true light, unfortuanatly it will very possibly take years for this to happen. Care for her the best you can, love her, and try to instill positive ideas in her.

Best wishes.

edited: I just read the headline again... shes 6. Im sorry but its probably going to be a long hard ride.