Chickens A Bit Of Humor

By taprock · Nov 29, 2012 · ·
  1. taprock
    Chicken keeping is serious business. I think most of us, unless you are new to the chicken world, have experienced that serious side. It can be the loss of a favorite bird, an injury that you can’t treat, dealing with predators or the redundant morning and evening trip to the coop through rain, snow, sleet or whatever the day throws at you.
    In all of the seriousness sometimes it is a good thing to have a laugh at our chicken’s expense. Here are some chuckles I have picked up along the way.

    First for those of you having problems raising chickens.

    A poultry farmer had a giant problem... chickens from his free ranging flock kept getting run over on the road that went past his farm. He called out the Highway patrol boys and even speed traps and tickets did not solve the problem... people just kept on driving fast and hitting chickens. The police even put up a sign that said "SLOW chicken crossing" but the farmer just kept losing chickens. After a little thought the farmer made his own sign and never had another fatality. The farmer's sign said, "Nudist Colony ahead keep eyes on the road".

    An idiot decided to start a chicken farm so he bought a hundred chickens to begin with. A month later he returned to the dealer for another hundred chickens because all of the first lot had died. A month later he was back at the dealer for another hundred chickens for the second lot had also died. "But I think I know where I'm going wrong," said the idiot, "I think I'm planting them too deep."

    What Do You Get When You Cross A Chicken And A Pit Bull? Just The Pit Bull

    Which side of a chicken has the most feathers? 
The outside.

    Just for Frizzle owners.

    What happened to the chicken whose feathers pointed the wrong way?
She was tickled to death.

    A few things to check if you are having problems with your egg layers.

    Why Couldn't The Chicken Find Her Eggs? Because She Mislaid Them.

    What do you get when a chicken lays an egg on top of a barn? 
An egg roll.

    Why don't chickens like people? 
Because we beat eggs.

    Why do hens lay eggs? 
If they dropped them, they'd break.

    For those of you that raise your chickens for meat.

    One day the old farmer and his wife invited the new preacher and his wife to dinner. They accepted and when they arrived they were flabbergasted. The old lady had fried chicken, baked chicken, BBQ chicken, chicken pot pie, and every other chicken dish available. They ate until they were about to pop, thanked the couple and started to leave. When they walked outside they noticed a chicken dragging itself around and then it fell down. The preacher quickly summoned the old farmer and screamed "Something is wrong with your chicken, it fell over!" The farmer replied "I know. They're dying faster than we can cook 'em and eat 'em."

    Why did the chicken cross the state line?
 To get out of Kentucky.

    Which religious man do chickens fear most?
 The friar.

    A waiter approached the man studying the menu carefully at the fancy restaurant. "May I take your order, sir?" he asked. "Well, I was wondering how you prepare your chickens." The man replied. "Oh, it's nothing too special, sir," the waiter confided. "We just tell them straight out that they're going to die."

    There was a man driving down the highway going about 55 miles per hour when this chicken with three legs began running beside him. He decided to speed up to 65 miles per hour, but the chicken stayed right beside him. So he sped up to 75 miles per hour, but still the chicken stayed with him. He came up to a fork in the road and the three-legged chicken went left and ran into a farm yard. Curious, the man decided to investigate so he pulled up to the farm and got out of his car. He noticed that the yard was full of three-legged chickens running around at high speeds. Still curious, the man went up and knocked on the door of the house and the farmer came out. The man asked the farmer, "How did you get all these three-legged chickens?" "Well," the farmer stated, "I have a family of three, and we all like the drumsticks, so I decided to engineer some chickens with three legs so everyone is happy." "How do they taste?" the man asked. "Well," the farmer said, "don't know, haven't been able to catch one yet."

    How do you stop a rooster from crowing on Sunday? 
Eat him on Saturday!

    A woman goes to the butcher shop to buy a chicken for the Sunday meal. The butcher has only one scrawny chicken left. He puts it on the scale. "Three pounds," he says. "That's too scrawny; don't you have something bigger?" the woman asks. He pretends to rummage around, and then puts the same chicken back on the scale, while pressing with his thumb. "Three and a half pounds," he says. "That looks better," says the woman. "I'll take them both."

    Two rednecks walk down a dirt path. One man has a big sack over his shoulder. The other man asks what's in the sack. The first man says, "I got me some chickens for dinner tonight." The other man asks how many chickens are in the sack. "Well, I'll tell you," replies the first redneck, "If you can guess how many chickens I got in this here sack, I'll give them both to you."

    For those who love their roosters like I do.

    Why did the rooster run away? 
He was chicken.

    Why did the rooster file for divorce?
 He was tired of being hen-pecked

    Why did the rooster stay outside during the blizzard?
 It was 'fowl' weather.


    And the classics.

    Why did the chicken cross the road, roll in the mud and cross the road again ? Because he was a dirty double-crosser

    Why did the chicken cross the road? Fowl intentions!

    Why did the chicken cross the road halfway?
 She wanted to lay it on the line.

    The chicken on the side of the road yelled over to the chicken on the other side “how do you get to the other side?” the other chicken replied “you are on the other side.”

    What scary stories do chickens tell chicks around the camp fire? then just as she thought it was safe to cross......

    and a picture of Bea the headless chicken taken by my son.


    I hope these brought some joy to your day as you care for your special chickens.

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  1. Whittni
  2. lizard of oz
    I like the nudist colony one the best LOL!
  3. DaniellePage
    LOL! Printed this out for my 9 year old chikin-lovin' daughter! She is gonna LOVE IT!!!

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