16 yr old toooo big for his britches!!!!!!

[countrygirl4513]

baltimoreharps, it's great to talk to someone who deals with the D like we do. Jon was diagnosed at 13. He is also ADD. So I deal with unsurmountable situations.
I appreciate the help and suggestions. I remember what it was like being in love for the first time. Having said that I was 18 when it happened not 16. Me and my sisters were too homely at that age we had to mature a little before the boys took notice.

We've tried all the things suggested. Privileges etc. but nothing works. He's now to the point, "I'll leave and move in with them" threat. I told him hit the road runnin then,

we'll see how they like taking care of you and your health problems. I also told him this morning he will be riding the bus to and from school, his response, "no I won't" It's this disrespect that keeps getting him in deeper. The truth is with him being diabetic they don't want him on the bus. He won't be getting his license anytime soon, that much is certain. I will be talking to his doctor about restricting him on that.
Tn law says they can have 1 passenger unrelated in the car. I think that law needs to be changed!

 

[fordmommy]

In our state, you can not have more than 1 person under 18 in the car until you have had your lic. for 2 years and the probationary period is over. And parents have the right to take the lic. away until the child turns 18.

But I think you need to also see what he sees. He just had heart surg???? That's a big deal for HIM! He could have died. T-1 diabetic. And he's probably thinking that he only has this ONE life. And needs to do as much as he can.

Please don't get me wrong. I am not condoning his lieing or anything like that. But he is 16. He does need to be trusted by his parents and given 'some' pace. But there are concequences for lieing and disobeying and being disrespectful. Absolutely! You need to EARN trust. But YOU have to be willing to give it to him. In 2 years he will probably be off to college or moved out. Spend this time with him supporting and respecting and most importantly.... loving eachother. Life it too short! And children grow up.

 

[countrygirl4513]

i appreciate the thought fordmommy, and it is a nice idea but as most parents of diabetic kids will tell you, we have to treat them just like our other kids. They are sinlged out as it is and there are no exceptions. The kids themselves will tell you they don't want to be singled out. They want to be just like other kids. Sometimes it's hard but we muttle through.
This is the only life he has, but he has to remember that he himself can make or break it. What he does now has consequences on his future. His life, which God, and I and his dad gave him is always at risk, more so than most. If he doesn't take care of himself while he's young he will more than likely die before he's 30. I don't plan on burying my children but Jon will die if he is not careful and control his disease.
Loving my sons is not a problem, and discipline isn't either. Trusting a 16 yr old is a problem especially when you throw a girl in the mix. 16 yrold young men are nothing but hyped up on testosterone there is usually only one thing on his mind and it ain't taking care of his diabetes.
I was raised to respect my parents and do as I was told. But this generation has no clue as to what that means.! We've given our kids too many rights! In my house the buck stops here. My children are my legacy and it is up to me to make sure they grow up to be proud and respectful young men. I've always told my sons that they will never get too big for a grand whoopin! They know I mean it! But they have also been taught how they act away from us is a reflection on us as parents and a family. I expect and demand respect from others, why not from my own sons? My husband doesn't talk to me or act the way Jon does so Jon doesn't get that right either.
I don't mean to sound snotty. I'm just venting please don't take it personally.

 

[Boyd]

Quote:
Let me give it to you from another prospective.... I take in "last chance" teens only. I've gotten my group home license and have 5 teenaged foster kids ranging from 14-18 and one of them has a two year old living with us.... Then I have my own teenage son, and 9 year old son.......

Talking like that? Full stop, go to your room. See, I am mean. I don't worry about the electronics in their room when they get grounded because I trip the breaker. IPODS & Cell phones... Yup, I take those like somebody else suggested.... Not taking their medicine and lying are in the same league of trouble in this house... and that's usually a week without privileges.

According to Johnny Law in the state of Michigan, at 16 he can't make his own choices like moving out. At 18 yes, 16 no. Can he get into trouble with the law? Yup. If I were you I'd do this......

Force him to ride the bus. FULL STOP
Force him to give up talking to his girl friend till his attitude improves. FULL STOP
Call his GF's parents and explain problems. Make sure they understand that if he does indeed run away to live with them you will prosecute them if they do not cooperate with you. FULL STOP
Statutory Rape charges will be pressed.... FULL STOP

Sorry if this sounds harsh, but the GF's parents may not understand the problem until you either talk to them about it or threaten prosecution. The law is on your side here. You may not have to go this harsh, but I am giving you a what I would do if I was as frustrated.

Good luck

 

[eschwaderer]

countrygirl I feel for you. My DD is 18 and can be trying at times. As a former pain in the butt son, many times I treated those I loved with disrespect. I grew out of it and learned to respect and value my family, so hang in there!

No excuses, but from your sons perspective with his medical history I can see how this could magnify the normal growing up issues. He probably feels that he can exercise very little control over his life. Even his body isn't doing what he wants it to. For him, bad choices are better than no choices (following your guidance) or worse, forced choices (taking care of his health). Our job as parents is to beat (just kidding!) it into their heads that this is not the case. My awakening came when I was finally on my own and realized once all the choices fell to me, there were worries that I hadn't even imagined yet. Yikes! You are on the right path and someday your son will walk it with you. My prayers to you and your family.

 

[OutInTheStiks]

Quote:
Great idea!! Sometimes a "higher authority" is the answer.

I mean no disrespect at all, but it is not the responsibility of the higher authorities to deal with basic discipline issues of people's children.

 

[countrygirl4513]

Thanks Boyd. Yep, the talk with her mom is long over due. I'm finished with talking to Jon, he's facing the one thing he knows to avoid, the Von-Beyatch. (My first name is Von) He knows my temper... after all he inherited it. Thank goodness I have time to chill and choose my line of attack before I see him. But the time has come. I'm finished playing nice. It's time to be a parent.

Thanks to all of you for your comments and advice. One day I know Jon will love his Mom again and see all the things we did, for him, to him were for his own benefit. He can't see the forest through the trees right now, it's my job as his parent to steer him in the right direction. With God's help we will get through, of this I am sure.

 

[WalkingWolf]

Quote:
If the girls parent does not cooperate with you it is time for a restraining order. Yes you can do this to keep problem children from yours. Do to his illness it should be rather easy to get in your case.

 

[Boyd]

Quote:

Just remember, you have lots of time to plan your attack and it can be as easy on him as he chooses to make it. I know the act itself wasn't as significant as say running away or doing drugs, but the defiant nature of it... I think it was deliberate, and it was testing boundaries. One thing I've learned about my kids over the years is sometimes they are testing boundaries without even thinking about it. I guess being a pain in the butt is natural for some kids... At least thats what my mom always said about me

I'd let him know that the disrespect won't be tolerated, and lay it out for him. Until he's 17 (at least here) they can't be emancipated unless they go get their own lawyer and there is a good legal reason for it. Otherwise the family court will laugh at him... "You want to divorce your parents because they don't let you see your girlfriend enough?" Trust me, I see lots of these judges

Every kid I have has a court update every quarter... x 5 kids you get the idea.

It is so easy to say I hate you, i am moving away etc etc etc.. its harder to actually make it happen... unless you let it.

 

[baltimoreharps]

Quote:
Oh honey, been there, done that!

Chan's been T-1 since he was 3, so his dad and I have been dealing with this for a long time. He also has Asperger's autism, so you know how much fun those two dx's are together.

He's basically a 17 year old with an IQ of 150 with the emotional maturity of a 10 year old.
Dh and I have both heard the "I'm leaving" thing also. What he didn't take into consideration was that he is not capable of living on his own. He smarted off to both his endo and his therapist about moving and was shut down immediately by both of them in separate appointments. He didn't believe us, but he settled down quite a bit after getting the same story from two doctors who have known him since he was 8 and know how manipulative he can be.
As fas as the dispresect, it sounds like he's really not taking you seriously about the consequences. We had to do what Wifezilla had suggested about 6 weeks ago. He lost EVERYTHING except food, clothes, and medical. It wasn't pretty, but it was the final straw for us with dealing with his disrespect. He's on the way back to earning things back, but if he starts up again, it's back to square one.
As far as riding the bus, does he have a 501 plan in effect with the school? They have to accomodate him if he does, whether they want to or not.

Please feel free to Pm me if you just want to vent, yell, scream or for a hug!
Good luck to you!