A century of Turkey talk 2000-2100.

[OneMountainAcres]

Nothing to do with turkeys but I'm totally stressing out over here and need to vent. I know you guys are all usually ok with listening. Yesterday, my MIL in Florida dropped the bomb on all of us that she isn't doing well. It started out with just her saying about heart palpitations and being stressed out. It's Christmas, she's alone down there, we get it. But today, it turned in to that she hasn't worked in 2 weeks and wants to move back up here and someone needs to go get her, like next week. Ok, DH's brother is willing to drive down and pick her up and DH is willing to talk to a realtor to work on getting her house sold or rented or something. Still, not a huge problem. DH's brother has a decently sized house and finished basement. He has 3 kids that range from 2-6 and his mother in law lves with them in the basement. His plan is to fix up the attic for his mom. The problem is, he doesn't have the cash to do that yet and probably won't until income tax time. Now attention turns to us. She wants to live here...... She really doesn't want to live at his house in his attic even after it's done. Our house is not big. We have 3 bedrooms, no basement, a living room and an eat in kitchen. We have 2 kids, a boy (13 almost 14) and a girl (12 just after Christmas). They are too old to share a room and honestly couldn't really fit together in one room. I'm sort of freaking out over here. She also has a cat and a little dog (chihuaua). Our cat HATES cats and our dog (bulldog/rottie) can be possessive/aggressive and is going blind on top of it. We have very little extra money and she has nothing to help out with. I feel like a terrible person but I don't want her here, invading the little space that we have. Am I a horrible person for feeling this way? I know that I should be welcoming her with open arms but I can't exactly shove her in a closet. She's maybe 54, has been living in Florida since DH was 17 (his brothers were even younger) and doesn't even know her Grand kids. Sorry for the vent, I just need to get this out somewhere.

 

[rjohns39]

Am I a horrible person for feeling this way?

Short answer is NO! That is the kind of conversation that should span weeks if not months, not days or hours and certainly be without constraints.

 

[duluthralphie]

Nothing to do with turkeys but I'm totally stressing out over here and need to vent. I know you guys are all usually ok with listening. Yesterday, my MIL in Florida dropped the bomb on all of us that she isn't doing well. It started out with just her saying about heart palpitations and being stressed out. It's Christmas, she's alone down there, we get it. But today, it turned in to that she hasn't worked in 2 weeks and wants to move back up here and someone needs to go get her, like next week. Ok, DH's brother is willing to drive down and pick her up and DH is willing to talk to a realtor to work on getting her house sold or rented or something. Still, not a huge problem. DH's brother has a decently sized house and finished basement. He has 3 kids that range from 2-6 and his mother in law lves with them in the basement. His plan is to fix up the attic for his mom. The problem is, he doesn't have the cash to do that yet and probably won't until income tax time. Now attention turns to us. She wants to live here...... She really doesn't want to live at his house in his attic even after it's done. Our house is not big. We have 3 bedrooms, no basement, a living room and an eat in kitchen. We have 2 kids, a boy (13 almost 14) and a girl (12 just after Christmas). They are too old to share a room and honestly couldn't really fit together in one room. I'm sort of freaking out over here. She also has a cat and a little dog (chihuaua). Our cat HATES cats and our dog (bulldog/rottie) can be possessive/aggressive and is going blind on top of it. We have very little extra money and she has nothing to help out with. I feel like a terrible person but I don't want her here, invading the little space that we have. Am I a horrible person for feeling this way? I know that I should be welcoming her with open arms but I can't exactly shove her in a closet. She's maybe 54, has been living in Florida since DH was 17 (his brothers were even younger) and doesn't even know her Grand kids. Sorry for the vent, I just need to get this out somewhere.

She is unreasonable not you. 54 is way to young to even think about living with married kids and their families....that is fastest way I know of for you and Dh to
Find divorce attorneys.

She would probably qualify for low income senior housing...assisted living or something. God knows we are taxed enough for every senior to have a free place....

It might be a good time for the chickens to give the ankle biter and fur ball road crossing lessons.

 

[rjohns39]

This will be my last post on this subject as I'd prefer not to get spanked for being OT. When I bought this place, I wanted a place big enough so either kid's family could come visit and I did well. After I closed, both kid's brought their families out for a visit. DD/SIL were not so impressed: lots of bugs, No food delivery, no trash pickup and not a level place in sight. Oh, and it required managing your gas, cause the closest station was 12 miles away. DS/DIL fell in love with the place and the idea of having a farm. Growing our own food and just getting back to nature. So the game plan was for them to live with us until we could get them a house built on the property. I figured with my DC salary and way lower cost of living I could get the property prepared, excavated, septic system installed, etc., and then sell 16 acres to them for a dollar.dd They could then get VA financing to build a house. DIL put in a job transfer to a local shop here and we were rolling, until the world took a wicked turn. We were here receiving our final house hold shipment when the boss called me (new years eve) to tell me we lost the contract and I would be laid off in may. After two years of un/under employment, the kids are still living with us. And even though we have plenty of room I still miss my privacy. Asking you to host her in you're current situation is simply unreasonable.

 

[OneMountainAcres]

Thank you all, I'm glad I'm not being totally unreasonable. Thankfully DH is with me and doesn't want her to stay here either. We are working together to find some other option. If there is no choice, she will most likely be here for several weeks. I will be pushing my husband to go help his brother get the attic done at his house. Whether she wants to stay there or not, she really isn't going to have a choice. There's just no way we can accommodate her. It's either that or she gets a job and gets her own place. If our tenants move out of our old little house down in Altoona, she's welcome to live there but she'll still have to pay the bills somehow since we can't (the whole reason we rent it out). Most of the retirement villages around here I think are 55+. I recalculated and she's only like 51 or 52 (she had DH young). I know everything will work out one way or another. I already warned my mom that we may be invading her house a good bit while she's here lol. She may just get fed up and want to leave after she sees how crazy things can be around here. Kids need to practice instruments, get up early, come home late sometimes, football games, dances, piano lessons, etc.

 

[rjohns39]

 

[memphis]

51 or 52! Ridiculous. Especially right at the holidays. Please make it clear she is a temporary guest. And what ever room/closet you shove her in....make sure that incubator is fired up in the same room. And when chirpy, poopy little turkeys are born....brood them in there too! I'm betting she'll walk back to Florida.
Seriously...rather rude to demand all of this out of the blue and during the holidays.

 

[memphis]

And your not a terrible person.

 

[Molpet]

Nothing to do with turkeys but I'm totally stressing out over here and need to vent. I know you guys are all usually ok with listening. Yesterday, my MIL in Florida dropped the bomb on all of us that she isn't doing well. It started out with just her saying about heart palpitations and being stressed out. It's Christmas, she's alone down there, we get it. But today, it turned in to that she hasn't worked in 2 weeks and wants to move back up here and someone needs to go get her, like next week. Ok, DH's brother is willing to drive down and pick her up and DH is willing to talk to a realtor to work on getting her house sold or rented or something. Still, not a huge problem. DH's brother has a decently sized house and finished basement. He has 3 kids that range from 2-6 and his mother in law lves with them in the basement. His plan is to fix up the attic for his mom. The problem is, he doesn't have the cash to do that yet and probably won't until income tax time. Now attention turns to us. She wants to live here...... She really doesn't want to live at his house in his attic even after it's done. Our house is not big. We have 3 bedrooms, no basement, a living room and an eat in kitchen. We have 2 kids, a boy (13 almost 14) and a girl (12 just after Christmas). They are too old to share a room and honestly couldn't really fit together in one room. I'm sort of freaking out over here. She also has a cat and a little dog (chihuaua). Our cat HATES cats and our dog (bulldog/rottie) can be possessive/aggressive and is going blind on top of it. We have very little extra money and she has nothing to help out with. I feel like a terrible person but I don't want her here, invading the little space that we have. Am I a horrible person for feeling this way? I know that I should be welcoming her with open arms but I can't exactly shove her in a closet. She's maybe 54, has been living in Florida since DH was 17 (his brothers were even younger) and doesn't even know her Grand kids. Sorry for the vent, I just need to get this out somewhere.

No way, you will go crazy
I took care of my mom after my dad died, for 4 years, she was 84 when she died.

I was raised constantly told that I was expected to take care of my mother after my dad...I was an oops when my mom was 45
and I bought my uncle's house next door so I could have my own space...and I don't have a DH or kids to contend with either.

 

[OneMountainAcres]

I Just got done venting to my own mom for the past hour. DH texted her earlier today and told her that I needed to vent so she called me. She agrees that the whole situation is a pain. She kept stressing to me to not be mean to her but not to be overly nice either. I tend to have issues with putting the foot down and setting boundaries. I've never been good with that and have been walked all over most of my life. She helped me come up with some ideas though. I'll be looking in to some semi local low income housing For her. Also, DH is going to have to let her know that she has to have some sort of plan for when she gets up here. A plan to find work and get back on her feet because none of us can afford to just add her expenses to ours. She may not like hearing that but that's the way it's going to have to be. Mom also said that we need to make a clear limit of time that she can be here, like 2 months Max, not 6 or 12 etc.