A lil help with a 14 year old

[McCord6]

I have a friend that has a 14 year old son that is way out of control! She is about fed up with dealing with him. He's LARGE for a 14 year old, 6 feet tall and already weighing over 200lbs and EXTREMELY aggressive. If he doesnt get things his way, he will start destroying the house and hitting his mom and sister. Dad is not in the picture, he refuses to have anything to do with the boy. She tried ROTC to see if that might help but no luck on that. She has tried to encourage him to join maybe football to let all his aggressive out but learn to do it in a possitive way, He refuses. He's lazy, he refuses to help with anything, he skips school or causes mom (a school bus driver) to run late on her routes in the morning. She asked my husband and his father to help put a positive male figure out for him but after over a year, things just get worse. She is SCARED of her own SON!

Anyone have any ideas what might help her out? She is coming to a point where she feels she might have to go ahead and call the cops the next time he blows but she really doesn't want to go that far. Also, we been looking online for boot camps for troubled boys and everything we found isn't what we are looking for or costs WAY too much $$$ for a part time working mom.

HELP PLEASE!

 

[Eggs4Sale]

There's a show called "The World's Strictest Parents". See if you can get him on there. These are the type of kids they turn around.

It's on CMT.
The site says:
Be on World's Strictest Parents

The World's Strictest Parents is now casting nationwide for rebellious teenagers AND strict families.

*Moms and dads, if you are proud of your firm family structure, have well behaved kids over the age of 13 and want to show off your unflinching strict parenting skills, the casting team would like to hear from you. Producers are seeking parents with unique interests and strong family values who want to share their fail safe parenting styles with the world.

* Teenagers, are you rebellious? Are you tired of your parents' rules and restrictions? Ever wanted to see if the grass is really greener living with a brand new set of parents? We're looking for boys and girls with parental approval who are between the ages of 15 and 18 (and still in high school). We're casting confident teens of all types including; technically savvy teens; hippies; urbanites; slobs; surfers; affluent teens; liberals; defiant teens; and teens who have extraordinary circumstances.

Families interested in hosting these teenagers on their very own episode of The World's Strictest Parents and teenagers who'd like to be on the show may apply any time via www.theworldsstrictestparents.com or by calling 888-41-TEENS (1-888-418-3367)."

Dang, I just read he's 14, and they do 15 up. Maybe he'd be 15 by show time. It's worth a call to find out.

 

[gritsar]

First off let me say that I am against involving the police in a family situation, where the child is out of control. I can't tell you how many calls like that the police get a day.
Having said that, what that boy is doing is domestic abuse and the police need to be involved the next time he raises a hand to his mother and/or sister.

 

[Nupine]

Wow. A friend of ours had a son who was 15 and HUGE who was very aggressive as well. He pushed his mom across the room, would THROW the little kids in the house, and kept a knife under his bed. He was sent to a boy's home [like for troubled teens, where they make them work, etc.]. Maybe that would be an option. They have a lot of those out there, many are Christian based. Maybe have a cop scare the crap out of him? Oh, World's Strictest Parents show would be excellent as well! That show is awesome!

 

[greathorse]

I have heard of this more than one time and I think is one of life's most difficult issues. It seems that more and more we have young kids (not nearly all of them) that for some reason do not respect authority figures.

I have often wondered if law enforcement couldnt play a role if the lad starts destroying property etc. I think there comes a point where consequences need to occur.

I feel very bad for this mother

 

[Chickenmaven]

Ah, the terrors of teen boys w/o fathers...

Mom should have gotten her bluff in on him YEARS ago.

I am very much against calling law enforcement, though. They will kick the crud out of him, just as soon as look at him. I do not want to direct this thread in an anti-cop direction - and it never would have occured to me to oppose police intervention - until my friend's cop BF told me that he pepper sprayed an unruly 8 y.o.

He mentioned it like you mention stopping for lunch. "Oh, one night..." Horrible.

If mom has a network of very good friends, I would recommend an intervention of sorts. The group sits down with son and lets him know that there are ADULTS that know about his behavior and do not condone it. The menfolk say, "I would never let any guy hit this lady, not even you." This kid needs to know that society does not permit violence. If he does not get this by now, I fear for him. Batterers, child abusers and career criminals are created this way.

 

[Hoosiermomma]

Counseling and a psychiatric evaluation. He could possibly be bi polar. So I would suggest that he get evaluated because there might be some meds or even just counseling that will help him work through his issues. I know so many people who have been in the same boat.

 

[Eggs4Sale]

Agreed on the evaluation, if it works. But maybe mom could take some self-defense courses, too. A friend of DH's who practices Jujitsu just showed my 11 yo how to get out of a headlock. It's amazing how much a weaker, smaller person can do, especially if the opponent is too heavy. They are easily taken off balance. Perhaps ending up on his back might shock him enough to lay off. Probably not, but at least she could defend herself instead of being helpless.

 

[mom'sfolly]

I'm afraid that once it has crossed into physical abuse, it is time to call the cops. The kid knows he is in charge, and will continue the behaviour. I would agree that there may be some mental health issues or possible drug issues involved. I think the time is past for the mother to regain any control without some sort of intervention. I think parenting classes and counseling for everyone will probably be necessary. Sorry that I don't have anymore positive suggestions.

 

[debilorrah]

My boss has a son with Asperger's, a form of autism. They regularly have the child, who is 17 now, arrested. Over the last year he has gotten better, but not without incident. I understand that this is a condition, I wonder if your friend's child has ever been tested......