A long, bad rant - need to talk to someone.

[gertiie]

I love my daughter in laws for taking my sons, marrying them and leaving with them to make their own homes !!!
I am sorry you are going through this , but now there is a child involved. Do something . There is always an out.
If you want it bad enough. Even if it means leaving your husband behind until he pulls his head out . Think of your child.

 

[sumi]

We've put a deadline on our escape now. Within a year/two we're leaving, unless the place sells/she dies. Ideally we must sell the place first, so we're going to list it with our town's only remaining estate agent

I cannot stand her, but we're running out of options here.
I am thinking of my child and his wellbeing, which is why I'm anxious to get out of here. He needs to live in a better place, go to a descent school and have a better quality of life. My DH is a great guy, why else do you think I've put up with this? He wants what's best for all of us, so he's decided to put the farm up for sale. MIL didn't want to sell and still doesn't really want to, but he put his foot down. He's as fed-up as I am.
We've discussed the situation and our options endlessly and decided to save as much as we can, so if we're still here in say, 1 year's time, we have the option of leaving. We just don't want to run away to the UK with barely the clothes on our backs and with the exchange rate about R11.50/1GBP at the moment we have a bit of saving to do. (And the visas for me and X will cost a whopping R18 000, if they don't put it up again) We have relatives in the UK, but we want to be by ourselves for once and do things by ourselves. So we'll just hang in there a bit longer and see what happens in the meantime. I really hope this place sells.

 

[Sonoran Silkies]

Quote:
She is in South Africa, not the US.

 

[Echolalia]

Quote:
You should consider medication with caution, of course, but not all anti-depressants will get you "hooked". I put hooked in quotes because what happens with anti-depressants (mostly with SSRIs like Paxil, Celexa, Zoloft) is that you have what they call "discontinuation syndrome" - your body is going through a type of withdrawal but you don't crave the drug like you would with narcotics or alcohol. There are ways to address this problem if you ever needed to stop taking a medication (tapering off very slowly).

There are a few medications that don't have that effect at all - Welbutrin, Prozac (mostly because it has a very, very long half-life), Remeron, just off the top of my head. If you can find a doctor who knows how and what to prescribe, you could probably benefit from it.

My mother sounds like a kinder, gentler version of your MIL - she's been pretty nonsense to my DH in the past. He has stood up to her and she has developed some respect for him. With your MIL it sounds like you both need to walk away. Do you have any relatives that you could stay with?

 

[CityGirlintheCountry]

Seriously? What can she do to you if you move into the guest house? Throw a fit? She has already done that. I can't believe that you and your DH own that property and yet you are allowing this woman to hold you hostage in a hovel. Why on earth would you continue to allow this to go on for another year while you save money to immigrate (or is it emmigrate? I never know.). Get some backbone, woman! You MIL can only treat you like a doormat while you allow it. Tell you DH that it is time to stand up for his family like a real man, pack your stuff, grab your child and hike it up into the real house. What are you scared of? I cannot believe that you would allow your child to live without running water and plumbing just because some old woman told you that you had to! As long as you lay down and take it you will be walked all over. Stop. Don't allow it. Move into the house THAT YOU OWN and start planning your future.

 

[thekid]

Move to the real house. Its your husbands house too not just hers. Put her in a retirement home so she can play cards with age appropiate people. How old is she? If she is pretty old I would wait till she passes. It sounds like a nice place to raise a family.

 

[loanwizard]

I don't know the laws in South Africa, but in the states there is a legal maneuver called a partition where one owner can force the other to sell their share of force them to buy out your portion and if neither person is in agreement, then the property is auctioned with the correct percentage going to the appropriate party.

I too am appalled that your husband would allow this to happen to you and his child. I don't care what happens to me but it would NEVER be allowed to happen to my significant other or my child.

Since he has, I would obviously suggest intense therapy for the both of you.

You also need a lawyer, a barrister, an advocate, whatever they are called there. Your husband is due 1/2 (if they are equal deed owners) the net profit from this property from the time the farm was purchased.

I am not sure why I even responded to this thread. I feel for you and yours, but only YOU and HE can do anything about the situation. This sounds like a movie. Send this story to a hollywood producer and you could ALL be wealthy..... Just don't let MIL negotiate the contract lol! OK... no lol..... this is sad.... I will say a prayer for you, and here is a hug. You need it worse than anyone I have heard about in recent memory.

Good Luck,

Shawn

 

[RHRanch]

Quote:
x2

 

[BigSkyChickens]

Sumi,
I'm sorry you lost Joy.

That is difficult on top of everything else.

Good job making a plan w/ your husband. Keep getting support (from BYC, MIL support groups, or whereever you can) for your goals!

I think other folks have offered some very good advice about not being able to change your MIL's behavior, but just do your best to minimize exposure and protect yourself and your little boy.

Kids understand much more than we think. If you see a scared look in your son's eyes, just say, "Sweetie, don't worry, your father and I love you and everything is going to be OK".
-Paula

 

[magicpigeon]

I've just found this thread and would like to say I'm so sorry for what you are going through. Nobody should have to put up with that sort of carp. You made the right decision in putting your foot down and selling the place.

Sending you my best wishes